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I don't think he's feeling it

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    #1

    I don't think he's feeling it

    Well, I'm not getting the "I like you that way" vibe from him. I know it's only day one, but I've tried being a little flirty, like walking behind him and lightly touching his back, brushing a piece of fuzz off of his face, and touching his arm briefly in a flirty way, and I'm getting nothing in return. I got a hug on arrival, and that's really it. He hasn't brushed up against me or leaned closer to me while sitting down or touched me in any flirty way past the hug. We had lunch at Rumba Island Grill, and then went to the Tampa History Museum, and then walked around and sat under a tree watching the sailboats and dolphins at Davis Island, and he just dropped me off at the hotel to rest up and get ready for dinner. It's only been slightly awkward, but it would be less so if he would be flirty back.

    So, yeah, I don't think he's going to be in it for more than friends :-( It's too bad, because I really do like him. He's cute and funny and everything I thought he'd be. I could see us together when I move here, most definitely.

    I'm not going to push anything or ask about it until tomorrow evening. If he hasn't leaned in a more flirty direction by then, I'll know. It would be nice to at least test out the waters a little before determining that he's not romantically interested though! That can always tip a man that direction!
    Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!
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    #2
    Honestly, it's not worth pussyfooting around the issue of attraction. I'd be direct with him but casual and bring it up! Some guys (like my husband) just aren't touchy-feely, or don't flirt/don't know how to flirt with a girl. If he seems otherwise engaged in your conversations, I would be more understanding.
    In all the world there is no heart for me like yours.
    In all the world there is no love for you like mine.
    -- Maya Angelou

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      #3
      He might just be nervous.. it's only day one as you said. He might not want to come across as too flirty, or maybe is protecting himself and wants to take it slow. There's nothing wrong with taking things slow, so much better than rushing things in my opinion. As rhabdoviridae said, if he seems otherwise engaged in your conversations, don't give up yet, he might just need extra time to get over the nerves.. meeting someone for the first time is a big step!! It also depends maybe how long you have been together to how quickly you want to give up. But if he is being nice to you but just not flirty.. the flirty may come, maybe he is just not the physically touchy self or maybe he wants you to know he respects you and doesn't want to take things too quickly because he wants to make sure everything is good first? I don't know.. just go with what you are feeling since you are the one in the relationship and situation.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by rhabdoviridae View Post
        Honestly, it's not worth pussyfooting around the issue of attraction. I'd be direct with him but casual and bring it up! Some guys (like my husband) just aren't touchy-feely, or don't flirt/don't know how to flirt with a girl. If he seems otherwise engaged in your conversations, I would be more understanding.
        +1
        I totally agree.
        "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
        Benjamin Franklin

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          #5
          He brought it up at dinner. Essentially, he hasn't felt a spark in person, and even though he says he's usually the kind of person whose sparks develop over time, that the whole long distance thing is a hindrance to that. He's not ruling out the possibility of something developing later on once I live here, but we all know that could be a while and who's going to wait on someone they didn't feel a spark for? He's been very nice and sweet and we've been laughing and having a good time. I told him that he didn't need to feel like he had to spend the whole next 3 days with me, that I could do my own thing for a little bit and be fine, but he said that he was enjoying the time with me.

          I'm glad we talked about it so that it wouldn't be awkward anymore. But I'm sad that this whole amazing trip that we built up isn't going to happen that way. I'm sad that things aren't going to work out and help get me to Florida faster. And I'm sad that I've been rejected again.

          I just want someone to care.
          Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!

          Comment

            #6
            See, I don't think a spark is needed if you two are still enjoying your time. We all hope to have this amazing feeling when we meet the person we have been talking to for so long, but it is also okay to just like each other and let it develop over time. I wish you the best!
            Last edited by snow; July 10, 2014, 07:44 PM.

            Relationship began: 05/22/2012
            First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
            Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
            Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
            Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
            Married: 1/24/2015
            Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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              #7
              It isn't always love at first sigt. I agree with Snow if you are enjoying each others company and are attracted to each other, that is a good start
              It can grow from there.
              Our first visit was a little awkward. I thought during the first day that he isn't attracted to me as nothing happened. But he was just shy and didn't want to throw himself at me LOL. The next day I took the lead and things started to happen.

              But of course if he says he isn't feeling it just yet, it might be a good idea to take it slow.
              Or how about after a glass of wine (or two) suggesting a kiss and seeing if that changes things?

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Ahava View Post
                It isn't always love at first sigt. I agree with Snow if you are enjoying each others company and are attracted to each other, that is a good start
                It can grow from there.
                Our first visit was a little awkward. I thought during the first day that he isn't attracted to me as nothing happened. But he was just shy and didn't want to throw himself at me LOL. The next day I took the lead and things started to happen.

                But of course if he says he isn't feeling it just yet, it might be a good idea to take it slow.
                Or how about after a glass of wine (or two) suggesting a kiss and seeing if that changes things?
                It's the basic attraction thing that seems to be the issue. He says he thinks I'm beautiful and that I have a great personality and that we enjoy each other's company, but he isn't sure if there's an actual attraction/romantic chemistry, and that because of the difficulty of long distance and some other personal situations, that he isn't sure if that will come because we won't get much of an opportunity to be together to see if it will. I reminded him that we knew about the distance and personal situations before HE ever contacted me in the first place.

                Neither one of us drink (it's one of the things I love about him, as my last relationship ended because of drugs and alcohol). I mentioned (kind of half laughing) that we should just cuddle up in front of the tv and give it a try, see what happens, and he didn't really bite on that bait. He was very adamant about not wanting to lead me on and not wanting to hurt me. (Of course, all of the sweet texts over the last 3 months that said things like he "was my Prince Charming patiently waiting for me" and how he "wanted my naked soul" did NOTHING to lead me on, right?)

                Sigh. He's being very open and honest with me, and I appreciate it. But unfortunately at the end of the day, we're not going to make a love match because he's not into it/ready to go there/whatever. We're going to stay friends, and I'll see him again when I come back down here looking for a job, I just have to figure out how to let go of the feelings and attraction I have for him so that when he tells me he's met the love of his life a week before I move, I can smile and be happy for him. lol
                Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Sorry to hear it's not going as you had hoped. Try to enjoy what time you have left in Tampa , maybe he will come around eventually, maybe not. But at least you can say you tried.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I did try, quite a bit. Based on what I know of his previous relationships, and knowing what a great girlfriend I am...he's missing out on a good thing.

                    This was the second online LDR that I've started where the guy was all gung-ho about me and couldn't get enough of me all day every day for months, and then once we met in person, they changed their mind. So, I think I'm done with LDRs. I put so much into them, and then get my heart broken. Although, I guess that's no different than CDRs. Those don't tend to work out for me, either.

                    Thanks for all of the nice words and advice, everyone, and good luck in your relationships.
                    Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairytale!

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