Dealing with the loneliness - is this normal?

[Polly]

I've been told by friends and other people that if I'm not happy in this long distance relationship, then I should really consider if this is right for me.
This is because I have gone through a lot of ups and downs, sometimes I have days where I cry at the drop of a pin, and am super emotional. Some days I'm perfectly ok. For the first few months after my boyfriend left to work in the States, I was extremely depressed, and crying all the time, basically an emotional wreck. Now, I'm feeling much better as I've become more used to the distance. But there are still some days where I feel I've been punched in the gut and wish we could just hang out and be together instead of having to plan out visits every few months, visits that are always way too short.

I see my SO about every 2-3 months for an average of 4 days. The longest was during Christmas which was over a week. I know some couples have it worse where they go for 6 months or more without seeing their SO, so I feel I should be grateful for that.

That being said, I still feel I would be even more miserable if I ended our relationship, so I have to just deal with it and accept the situation.

However, sometimes I feel myself turning off my emotions just so I don't get so sad about it. How do you balance between being independent, keeping yourself busy, and not being an emotional wreck without going the opposite way where you become detached, unemotional and feeling like you've moved on?

Or maybe feeling lonely sometimes or most of the time is just what being in a LDR is like, and that it's just natural and I shouldn't take it for more than what it is. I have a friend who told me that when she was long distance with her current husband, she said it was torture for her sometimes, but since she knew he was the one, it was worth it.

[whatruckus]

It's completely normal to miss your SO at times and feel lonely. Don't let what your friends and family say influence you, if you feel this is right for you, then don't worry about it. They're just worried about you and don't like seeing you sad.

Even though my boyfriend and I are a lot closer than a lot of the other couples here, and we get to see each other just about every weekend, it doesn't change the fact that I still miss him when I can't see him. To deal with it, I try to come on here, play games, make crafts, and go to school. I'm looking into applying for some part time jobs to help as well.

You will always have your ups and downs. Some days I really miss him, some days I'm fine.

[Cain]

Funnily enough I was just logging in to start a thread on this...

I'm the same lately polly and I can't seem to shake it off, the time zones and our working hours are making it incredibly hard to have any sort of conversation at the minute unless it's brief and I've actually decided I'd rather have no contact then 1/2 way through a conversation he has to go.
Maybe that's being selfish but I'm so emotional when the call ends and I have so much more to say.
I've started to make sure I'm always doing something when work is over but now I may have shut off emotionally

I wish I could help you but I have no advice, I'm sorry

[kittyo9]

It's normal to feel very down and lonely in the weeks and months following a departure. I'm glad to see you've gotten past that and you're learning to cope with the distance. There isn't really a secret to dealing with the loneliness of an LDR-- you just do, and you keep going because you love them. You have to give yourself a time to be emotional and a time to do other things. My SO and I focus really hard on doing things we both enjoy together when we spend time together, like playing online games and talking about our days, but when one of us feels sad and needs to talk, we make time for that. There's no sense in pretending you don't miss each other, but you can try to abate the feelings by focusing on positive interactions.

[standingoutsidethefire]

Yes, some people don't get to see their SO nearly as much, however that doesn't mean your feelings are invalid. It's tough. I can relate to the 'crying at the drop of a pin', I've been there and it even progressed to the point of depression. I haven't figured out how to balance it, it's a daily struggle to keep up with work, try to have a social life, keep busy and also maintain a relationship that's long distance. There are times when I am definitely not happy, but it's not because of my SO, just the situation itself. Communicating your feelings to your SO is probably a good idea. Whenever I'm feeling down, or really struggling with the distance I tell my SO and we're able to work through it.

[differentcountries]

I find it is not only being without SO that can feel emotional, even sometimes spending time together can be. I have been more of a drama queen CD with him because then I trust myself to let it out. And also he sometimes say strange stuff... Anyway, I would very much reccomend to see each other longer. Just the difference between five vs four days is big. Now we do mostly week visits which is even better. Also, try to focus on something that takes the edge off. Talk to SO or friends. Do something physical to blow off steam (I swear to ashtanga yoga). Be creative with gifts or letters.

[GuineaPunk]

Don't be ashamed of feeling ridiculously lonely sometimes. I'm lucky in that I cope with the distance pretty well 99% of the time, but there are still little moments (sometimes at the most ridiculous times, like while I'm writing a report at work!) that I feel that sense of isolation like a stab in the guts. I'm sure you'll gradually learn to accept that feeling and shake it off, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things to help yourself manage.

I also wouldn't worry about feeling like you've moved on, if he is the right one for you then you are unlikely to emotionally detach yourself completely. Both myself and my SO are quite good at switching to 'power save' mode and just getting on with our lives, almost as though we never met the other (I wouldn't recommend this mainstream, for us this is a coping mechanism due to the severe lack of communication avenues we have available to us); but sometimes we have a long-awaited phone call where we just can't help but let all that front dissolve away.

[Polly]

Funnily enough I was just logging in to start a thread on this...

I'm the same lately polly and I can't seem to shake it off, the time zones and our working hours are making it incredibly hard to have any sort of conversation at the minute unless it's brief and I've actually decided I'd rather have no contact then 1/2 way through a conversation he has to go.
Maybe that's being selfish but I'm so emotional when the call ends and I have so much more to say.
I've started to make sure I'm always doing something when work is over but now I may have shut off emotionally

I wish I could help you but I have no advice, I'm sorry

I know how you feel about the short communications. Most of the time during the week we only text, but it's hard to have a long conversation that way as one or the other gets pulled away by something (usually work). But I think of it this way: some communication is better than nothing. Also, it might help you if you sent an email a day, like telling him what your plans are for the day and then he emails you at the end of the day what he did. Or something like that.

What I find is, sometimes I find myself feeling all mixed up and confused when I go about my day, because I'm like a single person, doing my own thing, but I'm not because I have this person who I love and want to be with all the time. But then once I hear his voice or get a message from him or see his face online, I feel better. That's what I mean when I say I have ups and downs. I feel ok during the day, we talk or message and I feel great and then I'm sad when we say goodbye for the time being. I wish I could be stable emotionally, but I admit it's a million times better than when he first left.