Advice please?

[Cain]

So this is a bit of a long post so apologies in advance but I wouldn't mind some outsiders telling me there point of view.

I'm not a sociable person, never have been and that's by choice not circumstances I just love my own time.
I'm in a customer facing role so I am polite and friendly and always talking to people so play my 'game face' well and I do have one best friend who I have known for years but we only talk a couple of days a week and he's used to how I disappear when I need too.

Anyway I'd been single for just over 10years before Cain came along so not only is this relationship new to me but it's my first LDR, and he's freaking awesome.

We started talking last year through a game and I finally got to visit him in May, he puts up with all my weird ways and it's like he was made for me. The only issue I'm having at the moment is I want more us time?? Now because this is all new to me I'm not sure if I'm being emotional or clingy or just plain normal, He knows all about my social skills and he's a very social person so even in the game he'll cover for me and distract people if they want to talk to
Me too long etc

But he works 12 hour days and on his days off he is always doing something with friends etc and I find myself sitting by the phone waiting for a call? When he does call it always seems like we have a limit before he has to go again and I'm sick of trying to get everything in before our times up. We also have to deal with a 5hr time difference to deal with?

What I need to know is am I being clingy or is this a normal reaction??

[snow]

Do you two do something during work days? How often do you talk and play with each other?

Working 12 hour days 6 days a week must be exhausting. If you are not doing it yourself, try stopping the time for 12 hours and see how long this really is! No wonder he wants to relax on his day off and spending time with his friends is important too. Of course there has to be a balance. If all you get in a week is one phone call, then it is absolutely normal to want more, but if he spends most of his free time with you, but his day off is reserved for his friends, then you have to accept that.

We have a 6 hour time difference and it used to be tough to coordinate things. You get the hang of it after some time

[Cain]

Thanks snow!

He works a 5 day week. Yeah I can't fault him for trying, I'll always wake up to a good night/morning message from him and he try's so hard to find time during he's working day to text or call, but I found out last week he's been spoken to by his boss about how much time he actually spends on the phone. This isn't just to me he's a seriously chatty person but I don't want to be another person he has to think about at work. I started setting my alarm at 2am but couldn't retain it for too long as I start work at 6:30am
The days where we have managed to speak leave me on such a high I suppose the lows have to balance that out every now and then.
I want to make it clear I know none of this is down to him, I just want to know if it's normal to want more time - I've never actually wanted more time with anyone before it's always been less I've wanted?

[snow]

Yeah I have the same thing with calling him at work :P He won't get into trouble, but his boss doesn't like it too much so I only call if I absolutely have to or I know he needs it
But yes, of course that's normal! If you really fall for someone you want to spend all of your time with them When we two started dating we stopped playing video games with other people for at least a month just to be able to spend time with each other, without having to worry about other people interfering :P

[Cain]

Appreciate your time snow, I'm sure we will work through it

[differentcountries]

I can understand that it is hard to find proper time during the work week, especially with such a time difference, but can't you guys set apart some time to talk during the weekend? My guy works 10 hour days, 7 days a week, we have 1 hour time difference, still we Skype almost every day because it is important. When I am at friend's parties I find I nice spot just to Skype with him for 10 minutes. If if is important enough, you find ways to make it work. Let his have his fun time with friends, but he should be able to set apart time for your relationship as well. I would NEVER just hang around to wait for some person's call, I have a life too. What I/he do sometimes is say "Let's not talk tonight", if we both agree upon it nobody is waiting for anybody.

The ammount of time we want with a person could be different. I was in love with this guy, really reallly in love, but I never wanted to spend that much time together with him because that would be too intense for me. With SO, I totally relax around him and I find I need lots of time.

Can you for instance make a deal to be a little in contact each day, and then on weekends one of his days (or like half the day at least) can be yours, like a datenight or just that you intend to talk more, have a sexy chat, play games or whatever you fancy ?

[merlinkitty]

I'm sure we will work through it

In my own situation there's an 8 hour gap and I've had to constantly learn a new, evolving balance of time available patience and understanding is the name of the game. Also doing things that keep your time and your mind occupied help as well. Just make sure you're able to communicate to him when things are bothering you. Don't let them eat at you and expect him to understand what the trouble is. I re-learned that lesson recently. He thought something was done and over with and, in my mind, it was still an active argument because we didn't talk. It's all a game of give and take, but communication (even if it's just a line here and there) is still so very important.

The reason I snagged your quote is to highlight your use of the word "we." This is exactly it. You're perfectly right to expect some time from him as long as you understand that he has the same right to his own time when he needs it. It's a journey, that when you both make effort on this together, is so very rewarding.

Best!