Facebook issues

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

It happens to me all the time, except I'll be on fb messenger and it will say he's online or has been online when he actually hasn't. It used to worry me a lot but then one day I asked him about it and he told me he hadn't even been home. I'm not 100% why it does that but I wouldn't worry too much. And I wouldn't worry that he doesn't post much, some people just don't like to share what they are doing or up to often and only use fb to keep in touch with people.

[Ahava]

FB seems to be the beginning of problems with so many couples. I'm in away glad my SO isn't on it LOL
I'm probably always on it both mobile and computer, because well as stated how it works for the mobile version here, and then also I often just leave it open even at work on the browser (I have lots of pages open) and on my laptop at home its nearly always on, even if I'm not on it.

[silvermoonfairy3]

FB seems to be the beginning of problems with so many couples.

It really is!
I was having this conversation with my SO recently.. social media lets us see what our partners are up to WAY more than we'd know otherwise. And while that's great, because it lets us connect, it also has so much room for mistrust or paranoia.

I read an article about that exact phenomenon.. It was talking about how if one person takes the same bus to work every day and harmlessly says a couple flirty sentences to the busdriver every morning, that person's partner won't even know, because it's just this unremarkable part of their day, some harmless thing. But FB is the equivalent of the partner having a video camera on the bus. ("Why did you say something flirty to that girl?? Why did you like four of that person's photos??" etc.)

Sometimes I think it makes it hard for us to discern between friendliness and harmless flirting things, and stuff to be legitimately concerned about/bring up.

Sometimes, there really is an "ignorance is bliss" sort of aspect, even to relationships.

[Dziubka]

FB seems to be the beginning of problems with so many couples. I'm in away glad my SO isn't on it LOL

I've said it before, but here we go again.
I really don't believe even for one second that it's facebook causing the problems. It's self consciousness, lack of trust, jealousy and a million other things.
If you don't trust your SO, you'll find something to be suspicious of even if facebook didn't exist. It's one of the most important forms of communication for a lot of people these days. So instead of suspicious business cards or phone numbers in your SO's pockets, it's something on facebook that starts your distrust Same difference really.

[whatruckus]

Haha, I've mentioned this to my SO before when I get mad at him for not texting me back. Sometimes, it says he's still on FB when he's not.

Don't worry about it. My SO never really posts anything either, but he goes on FB a lot. He just likes scrolling through his feed, seeing what people post, and occasionally comments/chats with his friends. I have trust issues as well, but I got over this one real quick. Plus, I know how my SO is, and I've seen him on FB when we're together, whether he's on his laptop or his phone, he literally just looks through his feed and then closes it (and occasionally makes me look at something, that he finds funny, too). When you're on your phone, it says that you're still "on" for a couple mins (to maybe even longer) when you're really not. It takes a bit for the chat icon to go "idle" after you've already closed the app. Trust me on this one. I've noticed sometimes it says that I'm still online, even when I closed the app or shut my computer off 10 mins earlier, and then when my brother's message me they get mad at me for not responding. You have nothing to worry about.

If you're really curious, do what someone suggested and just harmlessly/casually be like, "Hey, I saw you still on FB last night after you said you went to bed, is my FB messed up?" Don't accuse him of anything because chances are, it's really nothing.

Plus, both of us end up logging back into FB, even when we've said we're going to bed, if we can't fall asleep right away. No big deal, he could've just done that.

[Ahava]

It really is!
I was having this conversation with my SO recently.. social media lets us see what our partners are up to WAY more than we'd know otherwise. And while that's great, because it lets us connect, it also has so much room for mistrust or paranoia.

I read an article about that exact phenomenon.. It was talking about how if one person takes the same bus to work every day and harmlessly says a couple flirty sentences to the busdriver every morning, that person's partner won't even know, because it's just this unremarkable part of their day, some harmless thing. But FB is the equivalent of the partner having a video camera on the bus. ("Why did you say something flirty to that girl?? Why did you like four of that person's photos??" etc.)

Sometimes I think it makes it hard for us to discern between friendliness and harmless flirting things, and stuff to be legitimately concerned about/bring up.

Sometimes, there really is an "ignorance is bliss" sort of aspect, even to relationships.

I've said it before, but here we go again.
I really don't believe even for one second that it's facebook causing the problems. It's self consciousness, lack of trust, jealousy and a million other things.
If you don't trust your SO, you'll find something to be suspicious of even if facebook didn't exist. It's one of the most important forms of communication for a lot of people these days. So instead of suspicious business cards or phone numbers in your SO's pockets, it's something on facebook that starts your distrust Same difference really.

I agree with both of these. But then again Facebook (and other social medias) is a tool that have made it way easier for cheating/finding someone else. And also in making something out of nothing. Like the busdriver scenario. Ofcourse there have to be trust issues or something else going on too. Otherwise no one would be offended if their otherhalf likes a nice photo of a nice looking person etc.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencet...-break-up.html

[merlinkitty]

Things like Facebook and WhatsApp can be problematic, because you can read so much into every action.

Urrrrgh WhatsApp lol Love/hate relationship with that thing lol

[Alma]

well. I have trust issues from my past relationship. Not because of fb but other social media.
Now. My "problem" is, that I have texted my SO on facebook today, and though he was online a couple of times today, he didn't even read my messages. That's the first time, he usually responds to them or at least reads them.
I am trying really not to read too much into it, but shame on me..I am going nuts right now. And it kind of makes me sad..

But apart from that idc what he is doing on FB as long as he is not cheating..he even has a lot friends on there like over 5oo...crazy...but w.e.


It really sucks that past relationships can affect your recent relationship so much..(if you let it happen)

[merlinkitty]

I am trying really not to read too much into it, but shame on me..I am going nuts right now. And it kind of makes me sad..

It really sucks that past relationships can affect your recent relationship so much..(if you let it happen)

Yesterday on WhatsApp I sent my dude a message asking if I could call. I saw him online a few times. He never responded. I freaked out. Nearly sent him some really looney bin kind of messages cause it was upsetting me. He texted a few hours later, we talked, and it turns out he was just busy trying to take care of business.

Moral is, don't read into it. You're putting undue stress on yourself. I really nearly embarrassed myself really good yesterday for no reason. It does suck that we carry this baggage around with us, but do your best to unpack it, or the next thing you know you'll be toting around a full set of old, worn out luggage and no place to put it

[lilspitfire]

Haha, I've mentioned this to my SO before when I get mad at him for not texting me back. Sometimes, it says he's still on FB when he's not.

Don't worry about it. My SO never really posts anything either, but he goes on FB a lot. He just likes scrolling through his feed, seeing what people post, and occasionally comments/chats with his friends. I have trust issues as well, but I got over this one real quick. Plus, I know how my SO is, and I've seen him on FB when we're together, whether he's on his laptop or his phone, he literally just looks through his feed and then closes it (and occasionally makes me look at something, that he finds funny, too). When you're on your phone, it says that you're still "on" for a couple mins (to maybe even longer) when you're really not. It takes a bit for the chat icon to go "idle" after you've already closed the app. Trust me on this one. I've noticed sometimes it says that I'm still online, even when I closed the app or shut my computer off 10 mins earlier, and then when my brother's message me they get mad at me for not responding. You have nothing to worry about.

If you're really curious, do what someone suggested and just harmlessly/casually be like, "Hey, I saw you still on FB last night after you said you went to bed, is my FB messed up?" Don't accuse him of anything because chances are, it's really nothing.

Plus, both of us end up logging back into FB, even when we've said we're going to bed, if we can't fall asleep right away. No big deal, he could've just done that.

After I read about how it acts, I let it go. I'm completely over it. We talked it out and I told him that I wasn't aware. He said he wasn't mad, but glad that we discussed it calmly. I'm not even concerned about it anymore.

[lilspitfire]

I'm closing the thread because I got advice from a few people that helped me: Whatruckus, mims, kitty, and silvermoon. Thank you all for your words. I trust my SO, but FB has caused problems in the past and not just couple wise. I've lost friends because of Facebook. And it had nothing to do with jealousy, self consciousness, or lack of trust. We talked it out, my SO and I, and I'm over it. It's not been on my mind at all once today after I learned what I learned. I stated that I wasn't aware of the stuff and I wasn't. I never use FB on my phone. He only has a phone. I apologized for ever questioning it or thinking about it. He said no apology needed. It was a misunderstanding about how mobile FB works. He said he doesn't post much because he doesn't have much to post and uses FB to stay in touch with his military friends and high school friends. So it's nothing to worry about. I'm not anymore. I believe him.