im so scared

Hey everyone, I hope you are having a good morning/afternoon/night (depending on which time zone you live in)

Im going to warn you now, that this may be a rather long post. If you decide to stick it out and read this post through to its conclusion, I would absolutely love some advice. And I am leaving to go visit my SO on Tuesday...so i would really really really ,ove any advice to help me while im visiting him.....

So about 2 weeks ago I made a post about being upset about my SO and I not having much time to communicate and skype. Particularly one incident where I was left waiting on him for our date that never happened... Well a small update on that is as follows: on 7/28 we finally got our skype date. About a week after my post about our date getting cancelled. Come to realize that it was an astounding 24 days since we had last been on skype together. I was shocked, I mean I knew it had been a long time, but not 24 days! and when i mentioned that it was a very long time to not skype when we have all the necessary modes to skype... and what he told me hurt me..."24 days inst even a long time. thats barely a month. can you not go 24 days without seeing me?"

Needless to say it made me feel really bad...and it sparked an argument. I told him that at one time we were able to maintain 1 night per week as a date night. I am now working less and i am on break from school. also, he does not work as often either. so it isnt as if once per week is difficult to do... I think it is very reasonable because I rather enjoy our time on skype...when he isnt watching a movie or playing video games while we skype... and to that he kind of laughed a little and made a comment that 7 days in between skype dates isnt even a long time and that he sees no reason for me to be concerned about not skyping for 24 days....

So i told him that i was leaving skype dates up to him...that i was tired of being stood up and now that he knows how important those dates are to me that they rest on his shoulders and that i would not beg for his time anymore..but heres the thing...since last monday, not a single mention of skype, not a phone call from him (ive called him, but the calls are always very short) and he hardly texts me (behavior that has been happening for the last few weeks)...

before last week, he began telling me that he needed to spend more time with his friends before my visit. that skype wasnt important because his friends wanted to hang out... things he has never said to me before... also for the first time in our relationship he went to several parties last week... im not the jealous type, but the day after these parties (which were all on the same night), the didnt call/text me until almost 11 pm his time...he says he slept all day and when I called to talk he only talked to me for 20 minutes before saying he was tired again and wanted to go to bed...


i feel totally crazy, paranoid, and like a fool all at the same time...i love him, i trust him. but at the same time all of this weird behavior has me completely on edge...and its freaking me out...I mean we are in an ldr where communication is key and suddenly he doesnt want to communicate with me anymore...

im so scared ill go there and find out something has been going on behind my back...
i need some advice on how not to freak myself out before my two week trip in 3 days....please help me

[noa]

Hi there

I completely understand why you'd feel insecure. When you feel like something's changed in your dynamic and you can't actually see the other persons fecial expressions and sometimes can't even hear the tone of voice - it can be completely scary. Especially if you feel like you don't get all the answers.
I don't know the guy and what you were used to between you two, but it can also be connected to the fact that you're going to se each other really soon. Maybe that's his way of freaking out too...

I agree that it's a delicate situation. You feel insecure, but on the other hand - you're seeing him in 3 days! I think my advise would be for now, to let it go.
Go, see your beloved, and feel everything that's going on between you two.
And for now, I'd say you should remind yourself all the reasons that make you want to see him after all this time. That would be instead of thinking about everything's that feels wrong these days...

HAVE FUN!

[differentcountries]

My SO always freaks out the last couple of days before I am about to visit him, he starts to act like he doesn't even like me that much... I don't completely understand the psycolocical dynamics behind that type of behaviour, but I think the anticipation and the vounerability he feels in connection that just makes him go cold, like unconciously he does it to protect himself.

Also, it makes a lot of practical sense that he consentrates on his friends now since, perhaps, he will not see them so much the next couple of weeks.

When you are there it will be so much easier to discuss how to keep in touch.... Make strategies in times of peace Good luck on your trip

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

While I agree with the other two'a advice I'd like to add that sometimes something that is super important to one person isn't as important to the other. He may not see the big deal simply because in his mind everything is ok.

And I think you should try to enjoy the visit and when you are there with him you'll be able to see how things are between you too and then be able to take the next steps, whether it be fixing any problems or moving forward in your relationship and letting go of these issues.

[RachelAnne]

you're seeing him very soon, so honestly I would just wait and see how the dynamic is when the two of you are together in person. You may be able to read his behavior better (it's so easy to misinterpret something over text). Visit him Tuesday and see how things are...if he's still acting weird with you in person, it's kind of hard for him to avoid communication then..so I would ask him to talk to you about it and see if something else is going on. But for now, maybe he does honestly just want to spend time with his friends before your visit. However, I do think if it continues then you should bring it up in person.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I agree his behavior could be interpreted as a little weird but to me it seems kind of normal. i mean you're coming to visit him and by the way he acting by wanting to spend time with his friends i'm guessing that he only plans on spending time with you while you're there. it makes sense doesn't it that he wants to get some time in with his friends before he can't see them for a while. and about the skype date thing: my guess is that he doesn't think of being on skype as important as you think of it being. since you guys still talk regularly i don't think he really sees the desperate need to go on skype even once a week.
My SO and I haven't skyped since maybe valentines day where we opened our presents to each other so yeah that was a while ago. but in my relationship we both don't see skype as really important because we talk on facebook nearly every night. at the start of our relationship we maybe went on skype every few weeks because we wanted to see each others faces a lot more but i think its just we're a lot more comfortable and since our time difference is kinda a pain we can only talk when i'm alone in my house which isn't that often since i live with my mum.
as the others have said, just try enjoy your visit and see how things go from there. this seems like normal behavior to me but i don't personally know your SO so i cant exactly tell you if something is up. but really this doesn't seem like a big thing and if he continues to act in a weird way just try have a nice calm conversation about it with him :3

[conejita_hada]

I agree with RachelAnne, wait for your trip and see how he acts while you're there. It's hard to figure everything out when you aren't physically together. If there needs to be a serious talk, it's good you'll have the two weeks to understand his actions/responses in person and then talk. I would be mad too, if video chatting were possible and it didn't happen for long periods. It's hard not seeing your partner's face!