What happened yesterday was crazy....do I have a right to be upset?

[TaraMarie]

So yesterday I was at my daughters apartment helping her redecorate while I waited to go to the airport to pick up my new exchange student. Suddenly, Jenna and I heard a crash. And when we looked in the living room, her window was kicked in and there was a man hanging from the window above hers (third floor). We ran to the window and originally both thought he was hanging by his neck, because we could only see him from the waist up, and he was kicking his feet on her window. He hung there for about 30 seconds (which is a lot longer than you think it is in this situation), and suddenly he dropped....and fell three stories to the pavement below. I looked out the window and he was on his back, just staring straight up. People on the street just walked right by him. I called for help and stayed on the phone with emergency services until the ambulance came, because they kept driving right past him (he fell behind a fence and they couldn't see him). I had to keep looking out the window at him to answer the questions the operator on the phone was asking me, and every time I did he was looking up at me, not moving. Well, Jenna and I were so upset. So many things go through your head when something like that happens. The first thing I said when I saw him hanging was "what the hell are you doing"! Boy, was that a stupid statement. Then I thought "how can I pull him in"? But I knew I couldn't. His back was to the window. I can't even figure out how he fell out a window and managed to catch himself on a ledges facing backwards to the building. Anyway, when it was all over I called my SO to tell him about it. His reaction was "so, why are you upset. It didn't happen to you. These things happen. Not your fault". He Really Couldn't understand why we were so upset. I got so mad at him that I hung up on him. It's not everyday you see a man plummet past your window! Do you think I had a reason to be upset? I called him For support and empathy. I gout callous and indifferent......

[JaneEmily]

I think you had every right to be upset about it especially as you were the first responder to the man injuring and falling out of a window. I think your SO was insensitive to it. I mean what if the man had died and you had done everything you could to help him and you beat yourself up inside over it for years? He should have been more sensitive and respectful. It could have easily been a life/death situation.

[emsimes]

I would be upset, too. I could imagine my SO saying something similar to yours in such a situation. Sometimes, we just want reassurance rather than a 'tough love' type of response.
What a scary situation to be in!

[Ejoriah]

I could actually see my SO respond in the same way, and I would be hurt and upset with him too. My SO (and yours probably) sees it as something that's pretty cut and dry - something bad happened, but you weren't the one falling three stories and you did all you could by calling for help, so there's nothing else to talk about. But actually being there and seeing it all unfold is a different story. Sorry you and your daughter were placed in such a scary situation.

[lilspitfire]

Men deal with that shit differently. Mine would be like that too. It is very frustrating. Sorry that you had to deal with that.

[squeeker]

I'd be upset too. I think it was easier for your SO to be cold and indifferent about it because he wasn't there, so didn't quite grasp it.. plus I think guys generally try to hide their emotions more. It might not have really sunk in yet how horrible it would have been to experience. Maybe as you were explaining it, he was getting worried that something HAD happened to you and then when it was this other random stranger guy, he was just relieved you were okay? It would be hard to get that indifference after calling for support, but he might have not known what to say.. maybe trying to make it sound better than it was and thought that saying what he did he would cheer you up? I'm not sure. I am so sorry though that this happened to you and your daughter.. that would be so traumatic.

[nemolove_22]

I can say that I would be upset if this happened to me as well! That sounds scary!

Was the guy who fell ok, or do you know what happened?

I'm sorry your SO acted that way. He should have tried at least to be a bit more understanding.
Sure it didn't happen directly to you, but you were the one who watched it happen.
And were the one on the phone with emergency services to get someone out there.
That's traumatic!

[snow_girl]

If you're upset over it then you are upset. You don't have to come her to validate how you feel. Not everyone can sympathize the same way. At least you have your daughter to talk about it with and for support.

[differentcountries]

I think I can see this from both sides. I was raised in a pretty tough neigbourhood, I mean we were gangs fighting at times, we girls did not exactly talk about our feelings much . But my mother always tought me you could kiss any pain away. Guys tend to live mentally in a kill or get killed world. That makes them desensitized to even their own pain which make them sometimes behave like idiots when all a girlfriend want is that kiss on the forhead.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

You have every right to be upset or shook up about it. Maybe your boyfriend was just trying to calm you down or take your mind off of it. He may not have known how to comfort you so he wanted to end the conversation and move on to a different topic. However that is just my opinion. I know my SO probably would have wanted to take mind off of it and make me think of something else.

[whatruckus]

You have every single right to be upset at your SO. If mine said that to me, I would flip out on him.

[digitalfever]

You can be upset about it but it doesn't mean he has to be as well.

[TaraMarie]

Thank you. I do appreciate the validation, and its good to hear that my SO isnt the only one who would behave that way. He was concerned that neither of us was hurt, and i am grateful for that. And i appreciate your empathy. Still shaken up by the entire experience. It really freaked me out, especially since 9/11 when i watched people jump from the trade center. I am not afraid of heights, but have a terrible fear of falling. And to see it happen all over again was traumatic.