How do you stop from being irrational with your SO?

[Aussieabroad]

Hi fellow long distancers!

So I need some advice. I know I am being super irrational in the following, but I need help in how to distract myself!

My BF is coping a lot better with LDR than I am. We talk all day every day during the week, but he goes out and lives his life on weekends, whereas I would rather just talk to him all day. The second He is out with mates and not talking to me, I get really upset and irritated with him. (I do my very best not to make this apparent) If I lived there, he would be spending the weekend with ME, so I feel really lonely and rejected when he goes out on weekends.

I am aware that this is totally stupid and self sabotaging, but I'm wondering how you all deal with this feeling, if you get it? I feel like he gets kind of upset if I get busy and don't have time for him, but he lives his life too, and I have to be okay with it.

[Unconditional]

I believe everyone feels this way at some point in time. Honestly if he goes out, then why don't you go out and do the same? I know it's hard believe me, I know how hard it is to get your mind off of him, that being said, you just have to go out and do SOMETHING, ANYTHING. Make it a girl's weekend or just do something for yourself.

[snow_girl]

As soon as you start to feel irrational, take those feelings and shove them waaaay waay down into your deep insides where they can never see light again. You know it isn't normal to think that way so fake it till you make it. No sense in even letting those feels leak out because it isn't fair to let him know your feeling crappy that he is balancing his friendship/relationships.

[conejita_hada]

I agree in focusing on something else, try not to think the irrational thoughts/feelings. If they do come out, maybe write them down and then go read a book or take a walk. If the distance gets to me and some irrational thought pops into my head, I go for a walk or a drive to clear my head, then call a friend and ask about her/his life so that I'll focus on that person, instead. Sometimes, I just start mundane house chores or errands. Basically anything for a different focus.

[TaraMarie]

I used to feel exactly the same way. I would rather he be on FaceTime with me! I just started doing other things and making plans with my friends. I don't feel that way too often now.

Rest assured that everything u feel is normal and we all have the same feelings. I was so relieved when I found this forum and realized I wasn't crazy!

[Mims27]

What I would do when I thought I was having irrational thoughts is I would write them down in my journal before talking to my SO. I would re-read if I needed to and it would usually help me realize if it was rational or not. 90% of the time, it wasn't. Just an idea!

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

What I would do when I thought I was having irrational thoughts is I would write them down in my journal before talking to my SO. I would re-read if I needed to and it would usually help me realize if it was rational or not. 90% of the time, it wasn't. Just an idea!

I think this is wonderful advice! Writing in a journal can help people in so many ways.

[Aussieabroad]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!

Glad to hear that I'm not alone. This weekend I was housebound because my room mate and I were building furniture on both Saturday and Sunday, so I think that made me particularly lonely. I have an entire weekend planned for next week so I shouldn't feel the same way 😊

[Unconditional]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!

Glad to hear that I'm not alone. This weekend I was housebound because my room mate and I were building furniture on both Saturday and Sunday, so I think that made me particularly lonely. I have an entire weekend planned for next week so I shouldn't feel the same way ��

Well I hope next weekend is better for you. Also, yes I agree with everyone on the journal keeping. I write almost every single day, the good things and the bad. Along with all the cute things my SO has ever talked about with me, that way I can go and re-read them when I'm feeling lonely and irrational and it makes me feel a LOT better.
I don't agree with shoving your feelings deep inside you, as that can cause an explosion of feelings. However, it is good to know when you are being irrational, and when you are, write them down to get them out of your head. Always works for me ^-^

[Aussieabroad]

Well I hope next weekend is better for you. Also, yes I agree with everyone on the journal keeping. I write almost every single day, the good things and the bad. Along with all the cute things my SO has ever talked about with me, that way I can go and re-read them when I'm feeling lonely and irrational and it makes me feel a LOT better.
I don't agree with shoving your feelings deep inside you, as that can cause an explosion of feelings. However, it is good to know when you are being irrational, and when you are, write them down to get them out of your head. Always works for me ^-^

That's a really good idea. I find that if I keep things to myself, it's always super obvious for my SO. Will give writing it out a try

[Unconditional]

That's a really good idea. I find that if I keep things to myself, it's always super obvious for my SO. Will give writing it out a try

Let me know how it works for you =)
Also, ever need to talk, (about ANYTHING) feel free to shoot me a message.

[Aussieabroad]

Let me know how it works for you =)
Also, ever need to talk, (about ANYTHING) feel free to shoot me a message.

You're v sweet. Thank you!

[Unconditional]

You're v sweet. Thank you!

Absolutely no problem! ^-^

[AngelofFluffiness]

I started out with a hard time of them being away, especially since he has college classes for a long time in the afternoons. However, I know he has a life to live, so while he's gone, I prepare to welcome him back. And at the same time, do anything I need to do. He doesn't go out with friends a lot, but sometimes he just has other things. So when he does, I make sure I don't go off the deep end. Because I know in the end, he's coming back. And some time apart does well, allows for reflection. As long as you use your time correctly, it often feels like they were never gone.

[Miasmata]

What's important is that while of course your relationship is worthwhile and you love your SO very much, your relationship does not define you as a person, and it never should. Pursuing your own interests, friendships, etc. is vitally important and so, so good for you! You can't give into a relationship what you don't have, so nurturing yourself and what you care about is good for you personally and the relationship too. And when you feel lonely, it's always beneficial to have something to put your mind to. Hobbies, friends, and education are all good ways to keep busy and to take care of yourself while you can't be with your partner.