I feel like he has given up...

[lilspitfire]

I'm sorry to be brutal, but you need to end it then. Soon can be anywhere from a day to years. It's all about perspective. He calls you stupid. Verbal abuse. He says your thoughts are not true. He's calling you a liar as they are true when his actions are proving them true. You think "He doesn't communicate enough" and he isn't communicating enough. How is this untrue? Granted, we can only go by your word, but I'm not sure what kind of weird pleasure you'd receive coming on here making up stories about your SO. So I'm going to believe that he is truly doing what you're saying. Regardless of him being a "good person" you need to focus on the number one person in your world and that is you. You're obviously not happy. Do you want to spend the rest of the coming days, weeks, months, maybe years until he "feels" like talking thinking and feeling like this?

[laurenandjames9]

We spoke about everything last night, and he basically ripped into me. Saying I am crazy and insane. I told him exactly how I felt,that he was making no time for me, and we weren't communicating, and without that we have nothing. He then denied me ever telling him about getting my results. He said about taking a break, but then he would change his mind. Then he said ' I am done with the whole relationship thing for a while, I need to focus on school'. Then I said you just said we're taking a break, then he said we are. He really confuses me. Right now I don't know where I stand with him, he said I am everything he has ever wanted, yet he is choosing to walk away. If we do talk, it probably won't be until Sunday, as he is at his Dad's. It just seems like one vicious circle, and now I am thinking maybe I am the problem in all of this.

Lauren

[Unconditional]

YOU are NOT the problem. Don't think like that. There may be something wrong in the relationship, but that something is not you. He is being immature and unreasonable.

[Miasmata]

You are absolutely NOT the problem, Lauren! All you did was voice your issues. That is something any mature person needs to be able to handle. He reacted unreasonably harsh, especially considering you are the person he supposedly loves and always wants to be with. If you are everything he ever wanted, he should treat you with the fitting respect!

[lilspitfire]

We spoke about everything last night, and he basically ripped into me. Saying I am crazy and insane. I told him exactly how I felt,that he was making no time for me, and we weren't communicating, and without that we have nothing. He then denied me ever telling him about getting my results. He said about taking a break, but then he would change his mind. Then he said ' I am done with the whole relationship thing for a while, I need to focus on school'. Then I said you just said we're taking a break, then he said we are. He really confuses me. Right now I don't know where I stand with him, he said I am everything he has ever wanted, yet he is choosing to walk away. If we do talk, it probably won't be until Sunday, as he is at his Dad's. It just seems like one vicious circle, and now I am thinking maybe I am the problem in all of this.

Lauren

This is a HUGE red flag. This boy is doing something called Gas lighting. You need to get out NOW.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

He is mentally abusing you. He's calling you crazy and insane. Stupid. Get out of this relationship. It will NOT turn better. Don't let anyone trick you into thinking it will, especially him. Many abuse victims will tell you it started out with him calling them names and then they're covering up black eyes and bruises. Stay away from him. He's bad news.

[differentcountries]

Don't allow him to call it a break while at the same time being mean. Get out.

[JaneEmily]

This is a HUGE red flag. This boy is doing something called Gas lighting. You need to get out NOW.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

He is mentally abusing you. He's calling you crazy and insane. Stupid. Get out of this relationship. It will NOT turn better. Don't let anyone trick you into thinking it will, especially him. Many abuse victims will tell you it started out with him calling them names and then they're covering up black eyes and bruises. Stay away from him. He's bad news.

Agreed. He may have started off seeming like a good person to Lauren at first, but she hasn't met him face to face. They solely only know each other from the internet as far as I've read - I'm worried. She deserves so much better than how she has been treated by two people. Just because people start off seeming like they're good, sweet, honest people doesn't mean that that's who they actually are. To me, he is showing every true colour under the sun of his - she doesn't truly know what a person like him (especially the way he talks to her) is like and what he'll end up doing to her mental state. It's guys like him who make girls want to hurt themselves because they never feel good enough, and always feel like they're doing something wrong which isn't the case.

I think he's just using the whole school thing as a bullshit excuse to mentally and verbally abuse her and Lauren shouldn't stand for being spoken to like that by anyone. She's a young girl who deserves way better, and should focus on herself for a bit instead of guys like him. There's nothing with wrong you Lauren, just these guys who make you think there is when really you're a great person. Don't let them tell you any different, sweetie.

[GuineaPunk]

I agree with everyone else, this guy is blatantly not going to do you any good. Don't worry too much about whether he has given up or not, you should turn around and tell him that you have given up and he is not worth your time or heartache.

I can't really offer any more advice on the relationship that people haven't already given, but I can issue a plea to you.

You say you have just finished your AS levels, are you planning on continuing with your A Levels and then going to University? If so, this next year is going to be so important for you. Take the rest of the summer break to unwind and hang out with your friends. Then next year don't worry about guys, save your energy, just make sure you get the A Level results you want; after all you are on the doorstep of one of the best universities this country has to offer! I had a manipulative and emotionally abusive boyfriend while I was at college doing my AS & A Levels, the abuse broke me at the most important point in my education. I was the last intake before the price rises so the competition has never been so high, and while I scraped a few half decent grades I didn't make the cut for my course and I have regretted it everyday since. I'm so hoping you don't end up doing the same.

[laurenandjames9]

The reason I think it's my fault, is because it was the same with James. My insecurities always got the better of me. I was trying really hard to put all of that behind me with Kaleb, he just couldn't understand why I was so insecure. When that's all I had been used to spending a whole year being dragged down by James, and my friends for going out with James. Kaleb made me feel good about myself, and my insecurities were slowly going away, but when the arguing started just like it did with James, I couldn't handle it. I know I shouldn't compare one to another, but the arguing is exactly the same. Over silly petty things. Right now my head is all over the place, I knew being with Kaleb would be hard, because there is a 5 hour time difference(6 in the winter), but I was willing to make it work. I wanted to make it work. James still messages me, and as much as I love him, I know deep down I will never be able to trust him again. I just feel like cutting everyone out of my life right now, because I can't handle it anymore. As for A Levels, I will be starting A2 in September, and hoping to go to University September 2015. That seems so far away right now, and I know I will miss home, but I can't wait to get out of here and start again.

Lauren

[Unconditional]

If you truly feel this way, why not take a year and just focus on bettering yourself? I find that lots of girls that are around our ages go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship. It has nothing to do with them, but how the relationship was handled by both sides. Taking a year off to focus on yourself, and put yourself first. I find the people that do this just make themselves a lot happier, and when your happy it can sometimes melt away insecurities.
(this is simply my opinion.)

[laurenandjames9]

Thank you for the advice. Right now, I really don't know what I want. I need to just figure everything out in my head.

Lauren

[GuineaPunk]

Which is all the more reason to take at least a year away from relationship drama and focus on yourself and your college work, trust me that year will fly by so fast. And this time next year you'll be opening an envelope which determines your future. You'll meet loads of new people at University and have a chance to make a completely fresh start if you want to.

Edit: Unconditional beat me to it

[laurenandjames9]

Even if that's it for me and Kaleb, I can't say I'm definitely not going to go out with anyone. I might end up meeting someone. I guess I would say, I won't try and find love anymore, I will let it find me.

Lauren

[Unconditional]

YES!
That's usually how you find love when you're not looking for it.

[laurenandjames9]

I know. I wasn't really looking for love when I started talking to Kaleb again, seeing as I had split up with James, but it just happened. I guess what I am saying is, I won't try and look for anyone anymore, because it always seems to go wrong somehow.

Lauren