Is it normal to be cranky/sensitive right before a LDR starts?

[underthewater]

Hi everyone! This is my first post here

So my boyfriend of half a year left to Asia today...He was offered a job in a country where I was from originally, and we had plans to go there together after 2 years so I could first finish my study here in Europe. Now, as he said, he's there "2 years earlier".

We had a good relationship, we're content and comfortable with each other even we're from totally different culture/countries. I thought he might choose to stay when he was first offered the job (he gave me the impression) but actually he really wanted to work in Asia for a long time. I guess that's one of the reasons he wants to be with me.

We never argued before. But I noticed that in the past four days we spent together, I was really cranky and sensitive and felt "hurt" easily. I guess he felt very uneasy, too, it's living in a new continent for him after all. For instance I bought him some juice when he was getting a haircut and I just put the juice boxes in my bag (3 boxes of juice, one litre each, and my bag is black with no pattern at all). He had hangover from the farewell drink with his mates the night before. I asked him after his haircut if he could carry it and he picked my bag up quickly and snapped "why don't you get a bag from the fu**ing store?!" I was so shocked as he never used strong words on me before. At other times I was just upset for something he said (which I considered unreasonable myself!)

I guess my question is: is this normal? Shouldn't people be more accommodating in this situation? Thanks!

[pytsip]

It's a rush of emotions on both sides, when my boyfriend left he was nervous, anxious, and terrified, his attitude was completely different from normal, and it was simply because he was going to a different country on a different continent and was leaving everything he ever knew behind. For him, he was leaving everything, his entire life was changing and it scared him to death. For me, the only thing that was changing was he was leaving. Yes, he was a huge and very important part of my life, but he wasn't everything, so the emotions he was feeling were completely different than the emotions I was feeling.

I know the whole "Maybe he won't go" thing because that's exactly what went through my mind when he first decided to move to China. And I guess for me, I was sad, I got pissed at him if he hung out with his friend (simply because his friend he was going with and I was the one he wouldn't see for a year), I complained if he didn't call me all the time. Just because as the days grew nearer to his departure date, I knew that it was going to be a long time before I got to be with him. So for me, I got upset if I didn't get to spend enough time with him, if he was acting funny etc.

I think what I'm trying to say in all this is that both of you are going through such different emotions, emotions that you haven't had to deal with before in your relationship, and it's hard to find a happy medium because being left behind and being the one leaving both have their disadvantages and I think it's difficult to understand the other person's situation because you're focused on yours. it is completely normal to be moody, I definitely was moody and he was definitely moody and we honestly had to stop and realize that it was just as hard on the other one as it was to us personally.

[Silviar]

It's normal. You're already struggling to deal with the fact you're separating for a long period of time, and it's very hard on the unconscious. If you work extra hard to be cheerful, loving and not do it, you can overcome it though.

[paulawriteslove]

First and foremost, welcome to the community! And yes it's normal to fight before a LDR.