How often do you vent to your SO?

[Polly]

Usually after about a couple of months of not seeing my SO I reach a low emotionally where I feel lonely and feel really depressed about being long distance.

When I'm like this it's nearly impossible for me to control these feelings and hide it from my boyfriend when we video skype. Today we talked and I was honest and said I've been feeling really down and lonely. Part of it was also because I was having personal problems with family. I said it was hard being long distance and feeling lonely and sometimes feeling more separate from him with the distance. I was just honest and said I struggle being long distance but I still want to keep at it even though it's hard.

Do you think this is being too negative, or is it healthy to sometimes express this to your SO when there are times you particularly miss him or her? I know after I talk to him about it, afterwards I always feel better instead if bottling it to the point where I can't take it anymore. But I also don't want to be a downer too?

What is the best balance between being open about your difficulties of being LD with your SO and being too negative. My boyfriend told me he understands that it's hard and that I am being patient (willing to wait for 3 years).

[differentcountries]

Well, when I am feeling depressed about the distance it is really hard because I don't really want to talk to anybody about it. That only reminds me of what I can't have and that we can't do anything more about it than we already do. That being said, we do talk about it and express like the general feeling which is that, really, we miss each other more the more time passes. I have also cried over Skype, I am pretty emotional when I let myself be, I especially did that in the beginning when he had longer waits between visits. Sometimes we also talk about bad stuff that happes, like we are tired from work, his bike got stolen (we were both really shocked because our place is pretty secluded), money issues. We also talk about the good stuff.

I don't think it is a matter of being too negative, I think it is good to talk about your feelings. Perhaps wait a day or two if you want to think about how to express things. As fare as you not only talk about bad things, and you are also concerned about how SO feels about things, I guess you are good.

[Polly]

Thanks for sharing! I never know if I'm being unreasonable for being emotional. Usually it happens when we go for a long period of not seeing each other in person. In this case it was also during a week my boyfriend was overworked and I had my usually family issues that come up so I was more emotional than usually.

[Miasmata]

Talking about your emotions with your SO, especially it they partain to your relationship, is a healthy and good thing to do. You are in this together - You can bond over the good as well as the bad. However, don't rely on your partner alone - Don't expect one person, especially not one who's suffering under the distance as well, to shoulder all your pain and frustration. Have other people you can talk to and other ways to cope with the distance. A good network of people and things to help you through bad times is incredibly vital.

[TwoThree]

Whenever I feel like it At this point in our relationship I feel like I don't have to tiptoe around him and keep negativity out of our interaction.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I discuss it with my SO everyday it seems. Simply because when I keep kit bottled up I side it gets harder to hide it and turns into a fight. He knows that the distance is harder for me, and he tries his best to comfort me and remind me I'm not alone even when I feel like I am. I think its great to get your feelings out in the open instead of hiding them.

I admit to expressing them a little too much sometimes or talking about it for too log, which can sometimes make my bf feel like he's not doing a good job when that's not it at all. Its simply that the distance is harder for me to cope with than it is for him. But I usually feel better after I have discussed it with my boyfriend. And times when the distance isn't bothering me so much I tell him, just so he knows I am coping well that day.

My point: expressing how you feel is never a bad thing. And I'm sure your SO didn't mind at all.

[Unconditional]

I don't really get depressed about the distance, yet. After we meet I'm sure I will. But venting in general, yeah I vent with him whenever I want to. It's not like it's every day or anything, and I know he doesnt mind at all. He loves being able to make me smile through my problems.

[RachelAnne]

I think its healthy to express how you're feeling to your SO, so long as you're not complaining about it 24/7 all the time. But I think it's good for the two of you to openly talk about how you're feeling That's part of being in this lDR. I express to my SO when I'm feeling lonely and he'll always say something to cheer me up.

[snow]

Sadness or Anger are emotions that you need to address just as much as happiness and joy. I get sad at times and I usually tell my man when I feel like the distance is getting to me. The only thing that keeps me from telling him stuffl ike that is when he is already worrying about other things and needs me to be strong.
Distance is a part of this relationship and so we name it like it is. If I feel lonely, I tell him.

When it comes to venting in general, I do it all the time, because if I didn't I'd be too caught up in emotions. I get angry with people in my community all the time, but I try to keep it as professional as I can, which sometimes means accepting things I absolutely disagree with, so I need to vent to my man, so at least he knows how I feel. It makes me feel better and he does the same

[Polly]

This makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. My boyfriend is definitely handling the long distance better than me, so sometimes that makes it hard for me to vent when I'm the only one expressing how difficult it can be. But then, maybe he just doesn't express it even though he feels it.

I try my best to not let the distance and long periods between visits get to me, but sometimes I worry that my venting will inadvertently make him feel like he's not doing enough or that I'm criticizing him.

[RachelAnne]

I'm sure it's hard for him too, he probably just handles it in his own ways like my SO does. I've asked him before why he seems to handle it so well, and he said he'd rather just be positive about it. Maybe your SO feels the same ?

[squeeker]

I vent whenever I feel like it. Though I have realized sometimes it works out nicer if I write a journal entry or something about how I am feeling. It helps sort out my thoughts, also helps me get the feelings out if it's irrational and then I can even share the document with him or hide it away for the moment if it's not important anymore. But a lot of the times I will just get emotional on skype because I'm talking to him already and then I don't always think about if I'm being too emotional. But it's a good thing to let out your emotions when you need to.. though having a journal/blog (typing it on microsoft word documents and keeping a journal that way) can help sort out the thoughts, and also good if you can't talk to him right away, because then you are writing them out, getting them off your chest, and can look at it later to see what you wanted to say earlier.. and see if any of it still applies to how you are feeling, so you can then share with your SO.

[differentcountries]

My boyfriend is definitely handling the long distance better than me, so sometimes that makes it hard for me to vent when I'm the only one expressing how difficult it can be. But then, maybe he just doesn't express it even though he feels it.

There is no way of handling it that is "better" than the other, it is just different. Sometimes we need another person to tell how we feel, even. Or, if he is not feeling it, at least he will get to know how you feel about it, which is important for your relationship.

[pinksparkly33]

I don't think it's bad at all to vent to your SO about your feelings pertaining to the relationship. He may very well be feeling the same way & talking about it could help your bond. I mean, I wouldn't talk about it every day, but only because I think it would be unhealthy to focus on it every single day. But now & then, as you're describing, is totally normal. At least it is in my opinion.