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What keeps you together waiting for a visit?

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    #1

    What keeps you together waiting for a visit?

    A couple of months ago, I ended the relationship with my long distance boyfriend after becoming frustrated with visit plans that kept falling through and never happened, but also due to my own lack of self confidence. That lasted all of about 3 weeks, and we started our relationship again. I supposed, even through my frustration, I could not simply nix the love I have for the guy. After experiencing our break up then getting back together, I actually felt much better. We promised to be more open with each other and I told myself that I needed to become more patient.

    And while things are fantastic now (although the whole ordeal was relatively civil and never became nasty), I still find myself frustrated about not seeing my love yet, and that it still may be months until I get to see him in person for the first time. We tried for January and it's not going to work. I told him I might have better luck coming to him Dec but he insists on visiting me first... he is scared I'll waste my money if I happen to not like him... Odd reasoning but I don't want to push the issue, especially if he's uncomfortable with something.

    So I think we're looking at March or May for the next visit. It would be nice if we could settle on a date, but I've not brought that up yet out of fear something could fall through and he would lose over a $1,000 on a flight. It's just so far away it seems. It that falls through I'm not so sure I could take it anymore. It would be the second year I would not been able to see him.

    Anyway, suppose I'm just looking for comments and advice. What keeps you together and positive while waiting for a visit?
    Tags: None
    #2
    My SO and I typically say the phrase, "It will happen eventually." I've had one or two trips already fall through. The main reason why we have to remain a part is because of my age. I'm currently fifteen, sixteen in February. In addition, I don't have a steady income or job, and neither does he. We try to find small jobs like coaching a swim team, or babysitting. But in reality, it is going to be a while, and I accept that. I just focus on moving forward with our relationship. When plans fall through, it's okay to be sad, but we try to smile and attempt again. We remain optimistic.

    I can't remain optimistic forever, but when a trip doesn't work out, I try and smile through my disappointment. Instead of focusing on the failures, I focus on our relationship and the good memories we share. If we stay strong, we'll be together soon.

    You should have those discussions that settle dates for the trip, but when it doesn't work out as planned, I would just take a deep breath. You care about this person, and he cares about you. It might take some time, but it is best to have patience.

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      #3
      My partner and I set a date that we both knew would work. We're meeting up in January the 15th, and I booked the flights on Skype with her. If he's really worth it, you and him should sit down and really discuss plans for meeting, have a date set, book it, and stick with it. Having that date to look forward to is what keeps me and my partner going.

      EDIT: She's also coming back with me on a working holiday visa and we have plans on extending that when we learn a bit more.
      ---------------
      Closed the distance: 14th January 2015

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        #4
        I'm not a patient girl. I learn patience every day these days.
        I wait because I can't see anyone but him in my future..
        I do it, because to be with him is everything i never knew I wanted.
        I do it, because with one phone call all my worries disappear.
        I do it, because when I said those three words I meant it.
        I do it, because in the end I know everything is :gonna be alright
        I do it because I know he'd do it for me.
        That's why I wait.

        Patience is a slow trudging journey, it's hard I can tell you that. You just need to try hard to keep your impatience in check, because if you both want it to happen, and you try your hardest to make it happen, it will. Like DF said, "Everything will happen eventually."
        If it's meant to be, it will be.

        Sitting down and planning out a date you know won't fall through, that would be helpful. As far as planning that visit, it is something you need to sit down and talk to him about.

        Also, having LDR friends on LFAD helps a lot as well. They help to keep you positive and sane xD
        Last edited by Unconditional; August 24, 2014, 10:55 PM.
        "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

        Comment

          #5
          It's definitely taxing, even when you do have a set date for a visit. Having a date to count down to helps tons, but even then it's very exhausting.

          What helps me is taking good care of myself, keeping busy with stuff that I know will be beneficial for both me and the relationship (I started evening classes last week) and having hobbies that give me confidence and fun. Also, definitely talk to friends (especially fellow LDRers) and don't stay alone.

          And at the end of the day, remember that each day you get through is another day closer to seeing your loved one again. At least to me, that alone makes gritting my teeth and putting up with the pain worth it. Take it one day at a time.

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

          Comment

            #6
            Love, trust and hope, really.
            Since I left the last time, there was no definitive timeframe for when I'll be back, so we just had to trust that sooner or later it will all work out. We kept our hope up that it would still be within 2014 and the way it looks right now, it might work out.
            I love him too much to give up just because of distance, but I would never have waited more than 2 years to meet him for the first time. I don't want to get emotionally attached, only to find out that it just didn't click. 10 months pushed it, I think, but we had to work around schedules and work so I was fine with it.

            Relationship began: 05/22/2012
            First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
            Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
            Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
            Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
            Married: 1/24/2015
            Became Resident: 9/14/2015

            Comment

              #7
              It's hard to be patient and wait.. and I can imagine how much harder it would be to wait more than a year or two to meet in person.. because you don't yet have the in person memories or pictures or videos to remind you how worth it it is. My SO and I met after a little over a year of knowing each other and a couple months of being officially in a relationship but somewhere between a couple months and a year we started getting serious but we had our ups and downs as we figured out what we wanted and whether a relationship would work between us. We always are unsure of our exact date when we have to be apart, and from our last visit together (August 2013 - I had to leave almost exactly a year ago today), we're still 8-9 months or so away from our next visit because we couldn't do a visit this summer because of being busy and finances. We make it through because we love each other and don't want to be with anyone else. We already are committed to each other. But I can see how much harder it would be when you haven't met in person yet. But you can do it still.. just try and remind yourselves of all the good memories you have together, whether skype or messages or emails or texts or phone calls... gifts exchanged or cards or whatever else might have happened in the course of your relationship. Just try to think about how he makes you feel and try to plan what you are going to do together when you meet, and keep saving money as best you can... Good luck

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks guys!

                I've started to set aside extra money... money for a ticket, hotel, for doing something during the visit, etc. I'm going to talk to him about committing to a specific date. To set time off of work, make sure school doesn't get in the way, and to make that date the most important thing that any other plans have to be built around...

                Is that too much or is that fair?

                I think that would make things feel better and a little more realistic. The fact that I've not seen the person who I've invested so much love and emotion into, and that a date is still TBA and could be 8 more months (if at all), is killing me to be honest. And like I said, if March or May doesn't work, I don't think I could stand to torture myself any longer. Especially when I offered to come to him in Dec but he doesn't like that idea!

                I just don't want to give up on him yet. I really do adore this guy.

                I appreciate everyone's advice and comments!
                Last edited by Freebird; August 25, 2014, 10:41 AM.

                Comment

                  #9
                  That's very fair.
                  What worries me is the fact that you offered to visit and he said he didn't like that idea!? Hell, my SO would be tripping daisies if I told him I'd make the first trip up there that soon! So that worries me, it's almost as if he may be hiding something?
                  "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Unconditional View Post
                    That's very fair.
                    What worries me is the fact that you offered to visit and he said he didn't like that idea!? Hell, my SO would be tripping daisies if I told him I'd make the first trip up there that soon! So that worries me, it's almost as if he may be hiding something?
                    He told me it was because he fear me coming there, not liking him, then wasting my money and time... but can't I say the same thing to him?
                    In the past he said he put off one of the planned trips because he is self-conscious... but I've seen him! We cam. Not often, but we do cam.

                    I chalked it up to him being uncomfortable with it and didn't want to press the issue, but perhaps I should bring it up again...

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                      #11
                      If you cam, and you get along just fine, you'll get along just fine in real life. Everyone has worries and fears before a first meet. In fact, those are my fears and worries as well, that being said I would never tell my SO not to come over! I feel as though the only way to get your answers is to press him for them. If you don't ask, you'll never know.
                      "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

                      Comment

                        #12
                        We talked about meeting in May. Whether it's him here or me there, I think it's important that it happens. Still tons of specifics to go through, but having a timeframe to look forward to will hopefully help my nerves out a lot. I'm going to hold him to this promise!

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