I love my boyfriend to the moon and back. I just wish that I had as easy of a time dealing with the long distance thing as he seems to. He's pretty busy. He works 40+ hours a week, sticks to a fitness routine, and hangs out with his roommates. Our time together seems to get less and less...partly because it is, and partly because I'm missing him so much. I just got a new job after being unemployed for three months, and I'm attending school full time and starting an internship. I worry because he has weekends planned out to play video games with his roommates and then I barely hear from him all weekend. But I'm worried as busy as he is and as busy as I am beginning to be that we won't have time for each other and I'm going to continue to come after his friends. I'm not saying I need all or even a lot of his time. But an hour or so would be nice when he has an entire day off to play with them, you know? It just always feels like he never misses me as much as I do him. Here I am counting down the days until I see him and he's just relaxed and carefree as always. It gets kind of frustrating. I can't figure out how to bring all this up to him without sounding needy/clingy. I am kind of needy, I won't lie. But I always try to give him his space. It's always harder the longer it's been since a visit, but it just tears me up each time. How can I handle this? How do you deal with potentially similar situations?
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40+ hours a week sounds like a pretty standard work week to me, that is not likely keeping him from being in contact with you! You say it yourself; between visits he prioritises time with his friends over Skype time with you.
My boyfriend works 70+ hours a week (10 hours a day, 7 days a week), works out and sees friends. We still Skype for about 30 minutes each day because he is dedicated to make it happen. I am not sure if I have any tips per se, because we have never disagreed on this. The only conflicts we had was going down from the about 2 hours a day that we had in the beginning, but we were both kind of exhausted from that much Skyping so we did not really disagree then either. And in high season I prefer to Skype with him more than he does me, but it is not that he doesn't want to, he is literally almost falling asleep from having worked long hours in the sun. There has been times where I was more afraid to tell him what was on my mind, but I think once you start to say it like it is it just gets easier.
So that is really my tip; tell him how you feel, in a nice but firm way. He may be happy just to be playing with his buddies but he should also take your feelings into account.Last edited by differentcountries; August 29, 2014, 06:43 PM.I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits -
Nothing to add really. I would definetlt let him know how you're feeling. If he wants to make time, then he will.
I know next time I get on the phone with my SO I might try to see if he wouldn't mind seeing aside some time every weekend it every other to have even a quick phone call. But we'll see lol Army always happens to get in the way.
If your SO is taking weekends off to play games, he has time to talk.."We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."Comment
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Agree with the comments, 40 hr week is normal and games time on the weekend with buddies is not 'busy' certainly not a good enough reason not to talk on the phone at the very least for an hour. IMNSHO anyway.
I have no ability to skype/facetime/video hangout with my GF, due to poor 3G signal and no net at her place, but unless we are not contactable, we spend probably 2-3hours a day messaging on hangouts, and I can call her cell for free using hangouts for 20mins or so during her lunchbreaks after my work day ends. If either one of us are down, we make time for another call before I get to bed if she remembers her handsfree kit for the car, or if she has some spare time before sorting food and her kids bed time later on.
Most weekends we manage to get at least an hour per day on the phone at some point - again unless busy and we have informed each other as much.
He might be being a 'typical' guy and is just laid back, and doesn't realise that it is bothering you, and you may just need to point it out to him in a straight fashion. If he still is too busy then it seems his priorities are not with you, and sad as it is, if nothing changes it would be time to move on. Hopefully obviously it is not like that at all, and just a misreading of the situation on his side.
I say this last point, as my ex thought she was being really obvious with cryptic hints about stuff that I just did not get - so she thought I was ignoring her 'blatant hints' and I was just confused what the hell she was on about a lot of the time....Comment
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Tell him how you feel, even if it's just one Skype date a week. Maybe you could talk on the phone daily. My friend and her SO work long days and don't get much time together. They both have hands free kits in their car and make a conscious effort to call each other on their drive to work. Something's it's only 10 mins and other times it's longer due to traffic. They are live suburbs apart (not the same I know) but maybe that could work for you (depending on your situation).
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Thank you all for the advice. I discovered upon talking with a close friend tonight that I had issues with bringing up things that hurt or bothered me because of how I've been treated in the past and it's not fair to hold that against my boyfriend when he has never treated me that way. I bit the bullet and messaged him during his game time to ask him to please make some time to talk to me so we could discuss some things. He called off the rest of the game night and listened to what I had to say. He didn't argue with anything I said and agreed with my points as well as agreeing to setting aside a couple of hours one night a week to have a "date night" where we don't talk to any other friends or play separate games - we will find something to do together, even if it's only 1 night. He made me feel a lot better and didn't judge my harshly for feeling the way I did. I need to stop second guessing things and realize that I really do have an amazingly wonderful man in my life that I can trust with every piece of me, no more how broken of jaded.Comment
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