Parents are a problem

[Becki]

Hey everyone!

Well my SO and I have dated for almost two months now. I'm 21 and he's 17 (until October). At first the age difference bothered me a little but i'm sort of over it now.

Sort of.
He (obviously) still lives with his parents. Nobody in his family knows we're dating. He doesn't want his parents to find out because he says they'll flip out and be mad because he's dating a girl who lives far and is older. I feel like him not telling them negatively affects our whole relationship. We can't talk or text on the phone because it'll cost him money, and his parents pay for the bill. We can't call each other or video chat on Skype often because his parents and brother are home and will hear us. And he can't come to visit me because his parents will probably never let him, and if I go to where he lives they'll still be a problem.

It's not a huge problem because both of us downloaded Skype on our phones, so when we're out we can still "text" over Skype. But I still feel like it could be a lot better if his parents were on board with our relationship. Him still being dependent of them, I think that our success will be influenced by whether or not they agree with our relationship.

Have any of you had this problem? How did you manage to make your parents accept that the person you love lives hundreds of miles away?
I don't want him to get in a huge problem with his parents, but we'll never know if they'll accept until he tries, right?

[differentcountries]

Wait until he is 18 to tell them. Then, if he is right that they will react badly at least he is not a minor. You can perhaps ask the parents if they want to "meet "you over Skype.

[Mewie]

I feel its important you see him on skype. You don't have to literally speak outloud on skype. You can type and see each other (still video chatting). I've done it before with friends. Since his parents seem to be the main issue that might be the reason why you have to wait until the right time. Sounds like he has over protective parents and you have to understand that. However I don't see why you can't go to visit him. You could be at a hotel where he lives and meet him at a park or any public place. Is it possible that he can't come out his house to go anywhere like that? I have a over protective family and I'm 21 but even at 17 I was going to the mall by myself. I remember once I met up with someone with out my parents knowing I did. I understand why he doesn't want his parents to know. I don't even want my all family to know about my LDB because they would try to stop me from being with him. Parents get so worried because they have fears that they would lose their child by some stranger they don't know. If his parents must be involved you might have to wait until he's ready to have this conversation with his parents. I know it took me a while to tell my mom and after I did it was a ton of weight off my shoulders. I'm not planning to tell anyone else in my family until after I meet my LDB in person. But the big thing is you have to talk to him and let him know he's 17, he's old enough to make choices with who he wants to be. He's adult and his parents won't treat him as one unless he acts like one. They have to understand he likes you and wants to be with you. So they have to give you a chance and try to accept you. You cant do anything about your age or your location. I have conversations with my friends about that when I was worried to tell my mom. If his parents are really that strict he has to think about how bad he wants you.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I'm 17, my boyfriend is 20 and will be 21 a month before I turn 18.

My dad doesnt mind it. Ive dated older people before.

My mother (parents are divorced) hates it and claims if he ever toughed me before I was 18 she would have him arrested.


My point is that until your bf is 18 it may be best to keep it on the down low because his parents could force you two apart and be an even more negativity in the relationship. October isnt far away so at least its not a long wait!

[Becki]

He says he thinks they will react badly from a past experience. Apparently, his mom once woke him up at 3am yelling at him because she thought he was dating a girl from another state. His parents seem to be very old fashioned, besides over protective, and will hate him being in anything other that a male-female (he's bi, and hasn't told them either), close distance relationship.
I'd say my main problem is that some times I think it would be best for him to date someone who's not a thousand miles away, who wouldn't cause him problems with his parents. He's starting college now and will meet a bunch of people. I just want him to be happy, and I feel like i'm going to give him more trouble than I'm worth. He claims i'm the best girlfriend he's had, and that he's the happiest he's ever been with someone, but I don't know. I still feel like i'm going to ruin his chance at having a "normal" life and relationship.

[Redheart14]

He says he thinks they will react badly from a past experience. Apparently, his mom once woke him up at 3am yelling at him because she thought he was dating a girl from another state. His parents seem to be very old fashioned, besides over protective, and will hate him being in anything other that a male-female (he's bi, and hasn't told them either), close distance relationship.
I'd say my main problem is that some times I think it would be best for him to date someone who's not a thousand miles away, who wouldn't cause him problems with his parents. He's starting college now and will meet a bunch of people. I just want him to be happy, and I feel like i'm going to give him more trouble than I'm worth. He claims i'm the best girlfriend he's had, and that he's the happiest he's ever been with someone, but I don't know. I still feel like i'm going to ruin his chance at having a "normal" life and relationship.

I think you need to wait

[Elizabeth123]

The person is minor living with his parents? They are NOT a problem.
If you are serious about dating wait until he is of legal age. Until then you are just friends and nothing more.

[Hollandia]

The person is minor living with his parents? They are NOT a problem.
If you are serious about dating wait until he is of legal age. Until then you are just friends and nothing more.

I have to agree. There are laws for a reason. He is not an adult until October, so for now, you must abide by his parent's wishes.

[Becki]

I understand the whole him being a minor thing, that's not the problem. The thing is that even when he is over age, his parents will still not be ok with us dating. They are NOT ok at all with anything that isn't a traditional relationship. So nothing will change really, except his age.

[katie.lvd34]

I can speak from your SO's point of view. When I met my SO, I was 17 and he was 25 (quite a difference for my very conservative parents, and I knew they wouldn't be too happy about it!), but I knew I was turning 18 in a couple months and we weren't dating yet so it was fine. Our age difference very really seemed to bother him, but it did get to me a small amount. I didn't tell him I loved him until after I was 18, and we didn't start dating until then either. I was so afraid of what my parents and friends would think I only told my best friend at the time that we were dating. Once I felt we were going to last, I told everyone I had a friend that I was talking too. Then later on I told my parents I liked him, and then I finally told them that we were dating. I let them all talk through Skype and get to know one another, and now my parents love him. My Dad, especially! They all get along really well. Also, my SO didn't pressure me to tell my parents. He knew the situation was a little iffy and just wanted to support me in telling them when I knew it would be okay to do.

About being far away, my Mom and Dad joke about how they like that he's far away because then they know that I can't be messing around with him So there is that, but they don't mind that he's away! They've told him multiple times that he is always welcome to come visit us when he can (next summer, I hope! fingers crossed!), and they are happy to meet him and take care of him.

My personal opinion is that you all should wait until he is 18. Honestly you being 21 and him being 18 is nothing compares to my being 17 and 25 (we're 19 and 26 now), so if it helps you can always say, hey, I know this girl from the internet who has more of an age difference and her parents are fine! Haha So basically, I'd just wait until he was legal, then have him tell them. Then his parents can't be upset that he is a minor and he can make his own decisions. Also, I hope that your relationship isn't dependent on what his parents think of it because that's silly! You like him, you want to be with him and I understand that you want his parents to like you but sometimes it doesn't work out like that. (My SO's sister hates me, but you know I don't love her so, it's whatever.)

I hope everything becomes amazing for you and your SO!
<3

[Mewie]

I understand the whole him being a minor thing, that's not the problem. The thing is that even when he is over age, his parents will still not be ok with us dating. They are NOT ok at all with anything that isn't a traditional relationship. So nothing will change really, except his age.

Yep I know what you mean. My mom is actually pretty cool about it. But my grandparents, I'm saving the information about my man to them for last. Which is why I think the best way to overcome that point when he's older is that you have to see him in person. You have to go him meet his parents after the first day. Try to have them give you a chance that although you live far, that doesn't mean your a bad person. The older he gets the more his parents can't tell him who to be with. And depending how much he loves you, he's going to have to show them that it doesn't matter how far you live. I know how you feel when you say you think its best for him to be with someone who doesn't live far from him but if he truly loves you he's agreeing to go the extra mile no matter what it takes. So no matter how we feel, love comes first. We all know its rare to find. Honestly if it was really easy to find someone who lives next door who's like you or everything he's looking for, he wouldn't waste his time nor stress about you. It's going to be a challenge. But if you both feel its worth it.. then ya'll will overcome it together.