Friends not supportive of ldr

[differentcountries]

I don't know why I said the stuff I did to people in LDRs before, perhaps because I knew one way of having a relationship (CD) and was sceptical towards other ways. I felt like they were fake relationships, like a fantasy. I could not imagine the things that would make long distance worth while. I certainly could not think of any benifits for this way of life. My boyfriend makes all the difference. He is so great and there is nothing fake about it. But I realize my friends are not in a relationship with him. They are not loved by him and see the world in tecnicolor like I do. They are probably also a bit confused about the usual stages in a relationship and how one goes about to close the distance. The only way they can relate is through meeting him and forming a friendship bond. Also I think as time passes they can trust that it does last, and there is love, and relate to it more like a regular relationship. I think for those who have not yet met their SO there is an extra challenge - the physical part of a relationship is so important to most people, so it is hard to convey how one can feel intimate without it. Just dont do what my friend did to defend her online love, by saying that regular relationships are superficial and all about sex. At that time in a CD relationship I found that pretty hurtful! You dont facilitate understanding by offending people... Even if some people may be mean, it is better to assume they mean well. Bring their confusion down and you might find that they become thankful that you opened their minds.

[OperaDiva]

If your friends are being dicks about something as important in your life as your partner, then you need new friends. To me this has nothing to do with being in an LDR, it is a question of respect and care for you as a friend and your choices as a person.

This is not exactly related to LDR, but years ago I had a group of friends from high-school, and we used to exchange group e-mails because we all lived in different countries. Then when I started to have problems - health, heavy culture shock cause I lived in Asia and they all stayed in the West - they did not show any concern or care for me and my life. Only one made the effort to keep in touch, to support me and to understand what is going on in my life, and guess what - she is the only person of that group that I still call my friend and that I still meet up with regularly.

I guess my point here is this - friendships change, and if you choose the path less travelled by there will be people that will not be able to understand because this is out of their comfort zone. They won't be able to relate and therefore will reject you and your choice. The good news is, you can find new friends and in some circles being in LDR is not that uncommon and you will find people who will relate. I work in academia and most of the people around me either are or have been in LDR, so they understand and sympathise. Maybe if you join a meetup somewhere, expats or something?

[RachelAnne]

Luckily enough, I found out early on who my "real" friends were...and they were the ones who were supportive and caring. The rest, screw them, I couldn't care any more what they think. You just have to learn to shake it off, it's your relationship, and as long as it makes you happy, that's all that matters People won't understand it, but just brush them aside. If they're real friends, they'll stick it through with you and be as supportive as possible.

[lilspitfire]

I have my coworker shaking her head at me everyday I talk about him. "You need to find someone who lives close to you". Yet her boyfriend moved to another state a few weeks ago. I guess it's fine for her to be in a LDR because they met, but it's not for me because we haven't?

Anyways, people need to stick their heads out of things that don't concern them. I guess sometimes they say the negative things because they care or worry, but I feel most of the time it's just because they're jerks.

Tell her to mind her own F'king business

[lilspitfire]

Or maybe we can all do an Angeloffluffiness and work to locating friends on here? Idk. But I'm sure some of us have commonalities with each other and some of us may make a connection with another and can become friends? Who knows.

[Kapwned]

I'll admit I am always hesitant to be straight forward about a LDR. But more often than not it's because the person has cracked a joke at LDRs. So many of my friends, peers, and coworkers have said something really demeaning toward LDRs or as they often put it 'internet boyfiend/girlfriend', at some point and I usually end up deciding to keep it to myself. If they're really curious they can ask and be respectful when I decide to be honest. My family has been fairly supportive, my best friends have been okay with it plus most of them have been in LDRs themselves, but everyone else I am hesitant to be straight forward to. One day some acquaintances from my college were all in the student lounge talking and they started gossiping about another acquaintance of ours who is in a relationship with a girl from Canada. They started going on about how that's not a real relationship, the internet isn't the real thing, they aren't going to last, etc etc.

Meanwhile I was dating a guy from Canada and I could only see him once a month. It was really awkward to sit and listen to and made me feel really hesitant to tell them about my boyfriend should they have ever asked about him.

[Redheart14]

Or maybe we can all do an Angeloffluffiness and work to locating friends on here? Idk. But I'm sure some of us have commonalities with each other and some of us may make a connection with another and can become friends? Who knows.

That sounds like a good idea to me

[lordpsymon]

I'll admit I am always hesitant to be straight forward about a LDR. But more often than not it's because the person has cracked a joke at LDRs. So many of my friends, peers, and coworkers have said something really demeaning toward LDRs or as they often put it 'internet boyfiend/girlfriend', at some point and I usually end up deciding to keep it to myself.

Yeah, that's exactly the problem I've had. Hell, I want to tell everyone openly about it. It's hard when a lot of them have said rather snarky things about LDRs.

[Redheart14]

Yeah, that's exactly the problem I've had. Hell, I want to tell everyone openly about it. It's hard when a lot of them have said rather snarky things about LDRs.

My SO and I have both made it quite clear. He doesn't get much ridicule about it. His family treat Me as if I am family so that's great. We are at the point where we realise (more so I more than him) will loose friends over this. His response is " you'll always have me" and that's enough for me. If people are going to put my LDR I already find it hard at times I don't need them making it worse. I've just stopped contact with those people and no surprise I haven't heard from them. I need people in my life who will encourage and support me in my LDR not trash talk in and bring me down.

[Miasmata]

I went through plenty of painful times regarding real VS fake friends before my LDR, so thankfully I don't have many issues with ridicule or shaming. My friends are at the very least respectful and caring, and they hope to see us pull through. It alsp helps that I'm quite active in several online communities and met lots of friends there, so they have no reason to question whether people online can really form a close bond. In my opinion, friends who can't at least respect your choices and what makes you happy aren't worthwhile friends. You are free to disagree and all in a friendship, but there needs to be mutual respect and kindness involved or it's just toxic.

[differentcountries]

In my opinion, friends who can't at least respect your choices and what makes you happy aren't worthwhile friends. You are free to disagree and all in a friendship, but there needs to be mutual respect and kindness involved or it's just toxic.

I agree on this. While some friends may be not enthusiasticaly on board or even somewhat sceptical, I never had one friend saying I should not date him. I mean the strongest someone did was indcating it might not last, time will tell about that point for sure. We are having an issue with his best female friend, the problem is not the LDR as she herself was in one before they married and closed distance, but she firmly belives I am damaging SO for being with him. He insists that I make him happy even if our relationship structure is a bit out of the ordinary. I think either she has to start respecting his decitions or the friendship is gone.

[Redheart14]

Respecting others decisions has been the downfall I've had with all of this. I'm finding I've felt that people here get it! I just wish I had found this place sooner. I really like how people can post about their situation without fear of being ridiculed or judged. So thanks to all the people who have replied on here, your feedback and advice has been terrific.