Am I being too needy?

[Aussieabroad]

hi long distancers!

So for the past 8 days, I've been absolutely sick as a dog (the joys of moving to New York as an Australian. The dirty city puts you near death! I can smell my neighbour smoking as we speak!)

Being sick really sucks when your SO is on the other side of the country! But he has been there for me as much as he can.

My issue is that fairly often, he will throw me off the phone to go and play video games. Usually his excuse is, "ok babe, you need some sleep". And I'm thinking, huh? I'm not tired, what the hell?

Even now I'm feeling really run down and vulnerable and asked if i could facetime him just to hear him talk about anything. His response was "can i call you in a little while? I'm playing video games".

I feel like if situations were reversed and he was this badly sick for so long, I would go out of my way to be there with him through it. I feel pretty offended that he's chosen that over me, but am not sure if that's just me being needy?

I would also like to point out that on almost all of these occasions, he has called ME, not the other way around. Maybe it's time to explain to him that we shouldn't be facetiming every day? At the beginning of our relationship, I was ECSTATIC to hear from him because he was so interesting and new. now i feel like it's become almost a chore or part of our every day routine, or something...

[CanadianGirl]

I think I'd let him know that he doesn't need to "hide" gaming from you or try to make it seem like it was your idea to hang up (ie. telling you it's bedtime..). If he's calling you, he could just start off with "hey, I was thinking of playing games in 30 minutes, but I wanted to talk first". I don't think voicing your needs is being needy.

[snow]

I feel like, yes, he should be spending time with you when you are sick, but you have also been sick for 9 days. Do you expect him to stop playing video games whenever you are sick and just sit by your side until you feel better? I feel like, just because you're sick, doesn't mean your SO has to stop enjoying himself. He also said, he would call you in a little while when he was done playing video games, not that he didn't care about it at all. He was doing his thing atm and couldn't or didn't want to stop.

I used to think the same way, but I realized, it is absolutely boring for him. I get pneumonia or bronchitis quite often and it makes me bedridden for at least a week. There is nothing I can do when I am sick, so I just lay in bed and suffer in silence. It would be selfish to expect him to sit by my side through the whole day, doing nothing but giving me his full attention. So, he will play video games and do his thing and if I need something, I ask for it. He usually ends the thing he does within the next half hour and then we do it, watch a show, watch a movie, play flash games, whatever I feel like doing.

[Hollandia]

I agree with Snow. My SO is a gamer too, and there are times it drives me batty but this is something he loves to do from time to time. Think of it like this, if you lived together CD and you got sick for 8 days, do you think he would sit home with you the whole time? Would you want him too? I have sent my SO to parties without me a few times I did not feel good and as much as a part of me hated him going, I would not wanted to sit home and nurse me the whole. If you are truly sick as dog you really should be getting plenty of extra sleep too. Ask if mabye he can do a virtual snuggle up movie with you before you go take a nap or go to bed early and he games afterward. Couples need to find a way to compromise and gaming is a part of his life and getting sick is a part of everyone's sometimes. This is all just part of dealing with life.

TBH , I am needy when sick and he is too, it does make me you wrong it just is that way, but it should also not be punishment for your loved one.

[Alsfia]

Honastly I'd be rather annoyed too if he would often just say that I need to sleep just so he could go play video games, or if he would be making any excuse other than saying he feels like relaxing a while and go game. Point is that maybe it's not the gaming that's necessarily the biggest annoyance but the way he makes excuses about it?

I agree with CanadianGirl, I don't see anything too needy in communicating your needs and opinions, I'd rather say it's healthy.

[Redheart14]

I'd communicate your feelings to him

[Aussieabroad]

Thanks for the input!

I def agree. I think it's more annoying that he's like, "you need to go to sleep!" or whatever, instead of just saying he's going to go and wants to do his thing. hopefully I'm not making mountains out of molehills, though D:

[Redheart14]

Where in Oz did you live prior to moving?

[nerdgasm42]

Hi Aussieabroad!

My SO is a gamer as well; in fact, we met playing World of Warcraft. When the relationship was new, we were always talking and spending time together, even if it was just playing WoW together! However, the current content in the game is old and there is some new content being released soon. In the meantime, he has been playing other games with one of his roommates. It's gotten to the point that almost every single day he is gaming with him. At first I was kind of annoyed, but he needs to be able to do the things he enjoys as well. I'm really bad at speaking up when something bothers me (a product of failed past relationships) but I finally got the point I had to say something. We agreed that on top of whatever time we may get to talk throughout the week, we will sit aside at least 2 hours during one day or night to spend time together - no working on projects or homework, no playing a different game, no talking to other friends. At least this way no matter how crazy our lives get, I know I have that time. If the gaming becomes a problem in the future, I'd suggest that. As for the other, I know it is easier said than done but you need to tell him that him making excuses to hang up bothers you. You are in a committed relationship - there shouldn't NEED to be excuses. Even if all you have time for is 10-15 minutes of talking to each other, make that be enough for the time being. Let him know he can be honest with you and you be honest with him. So if we says "Sweetie, I'm going to go play some games with my friends" you can just reply "Have fun! Kick ass and make me proud. Love you!" (That's what I tell mine anyways xD). Good luck!

[Aussieabroad]

Where in Oz did you live prior to moving?

I'm from Sydney

[Redheart14]

I love sydney