I feel frustrated :(

[Gabrielilla]

Im happy i found this place as I'm not alone in going through this experience here I met a wonderful man during a business trip. We were both shy and never started anything during my visit but he asked for my email and we began communicating when I came back to the US. I admire many things in him but some of the things I like the most is that I feel safe with him (he is a very sensitive man) and his desire to learn my language - Spanish we have been communicating regularly for 3 months as a couple and 6 months as only colleagues before he changed jobs. He said he wanted to move here but has not done anything in weeks to prepare his resume I asked him today and felt so sad and silly to be disappointed that he has not done anything but I didn't say anything to him - what could he say? He promises he wants to spend all his life with me but in my mind- I see no concrete steps at least. It's the first time I have a LDR and I find it a little sad at times he is a wonderful man but I wonder if we will be in same place I even have problems sleeping because I miss him why would he not look for jobs here if he wants to be close to me? Am I thinking in an irrational way? Or feeling too much?

[Redheart14]

Hi welcome

Moving to close the distance is a big step. It takes a lot to organise so be patient and give him time.

[differentcountries]

I understand you wanting things to happen fast. But if he is going to move, change jobs and all the rest that is going to take some time and money to do. If you have problems sleeping I suggest you talk to your doctor about it because the long distance will probably last a while.

A lot of us can't just uproot right away even if we want to. We may have kids or others who depend upon us, or own houses that needs to be rented out or sold, we need to save up money to move, there may not be that many new jobs available right now, there are possably paper work we don't understand and so on. For an international move, many countries have rules about how you can move and how long you can stay.

Firstly, I may suggest you planning visits to get to know each other better in person. Moving is a big step and taking the smaller step of a visit may be easier. Your relationship can become more secure, so that nothing is decided in haste but you both are sure this is what you want. Then you may plan together how a move can happen.

[p_b82]

I have to say I agree with the above posts.

It is looking like I will be the one that does the moving with my GF, and I put a post up about it all being somewhat overwhelming just last month.

From Europe to the US (not sure where he is based) but there are huge hoops to jump through before you can move. Visa's are either work linked or Marriage. If you take on a job you don't like and leave, your visa is nullified and you have to leave again for example.

So while you have only being going out for a few months, he is probably just trying to make sure that it is the right thing to do, not just financially, but emotionally too.

Personally I am going back to the US for the second time in a few weeks, so that I can see whether what I felt on my previous trip is true.
We had a connection online for the past 3 years, and I went to visit as a friend and after I left told her I felt that there was more to it than that. As it turned out she also felt the same, but did not want to make the situation complicated at the time.
During this trip I am going to talk about some of the practicabilities of our situation, and how I imagine them to occur. I don't feel that right now I can move for 18-24months minimum, and I want to use that time to make sure that we are both able to get through the LDR side of it, tough as it is, as I know if we are able to, when we close the distance it will work out.

There are also other practicalities when you do close the distance of, do you move in together, or live nearby, what to do about furniture and possessions. All these need to be thought about, discussed and considered even before you actually move.

To some extent, I actually feel the details in advance and then what happens afterwards are a lot worse than the actual act of moving - whether locally or internationally!

On another note, I recall it was over a year of going out with my ex before we moved in together, and that move was only a few miles within the city, and that was because we both felt we wanted to take our time a little with things.

[Gabrielilla]

Hi everybody, thank you so much for taking the time to reply I'm really happy I found this community The day I wrote my initial post, I was really feeling so sad and I was wondering if I could have a LDR. But, after I read the ideas on what to do on other posts (surprises, dates, etc), I felt things didn't have to be how I'm used to, and maybe I could try (really hard) to enjoy this new experience life is giving me...and of course, being aware that it's a normal feeling sad once in a while. (I should prepare myself for those times...). In all, I do want the relationship, and he is worth the effort and wait. I'm glad for your replies, thank you again.

Gabriela

[Hollandia]

You don't leave your country for someone you have been dating for a few months. I am going to leave mine for good and it has been over 3 years and I am still nervous about doing this. You could also be looking into moving to his coutnry. It does go both ways unless you have small children that need to see their parent there is no reason that USA is any better than Germany.

Do you know how hard it is to find a company that will sponsor you these days from another country? It is looked down upon to outsource unless the job cannot be given to a native first and he will need to find one that is willing to pay enough to meet the immigration standards. What you are talking about is very hard to do. We tried that for my SO in USA and for years to no avail, even with his mult- language skills he could not find a single one that would sponsor him. They will hire people they don't need to sponsor and then by that point you are looking at spousal visas and if you get to that point, you must make enough to sponsor him on your own.

Long and short, you are expecting way too much, way too soon, you don't move countries to try things out, you do it to finalize things with a life partner. It has been 5 months, I would not suggest him taking such a leap and cutting his ties in his homeland when so new in a relationship. If you love him expect to wait a year or so and then when you two are ready to grow old together and forsake all others for life, then you pick a country, yours, his, or another and find a way to make it work. If you are in it for the long haul then get ready for a long haul and don't expect quick or easy fixes, the "go find a job that will let you move here" are not in abundance. If they were that easy to come by this place would not have so very very very very many of us going through the same thing for years.