It's over and I'm left completely clueless

[barret95]

Dear friends of LFAD

It's been great talking to members of LFAD, helping each other out was the best part. But I am afraid to say that I probably will be leaving.

My S.O (now ex) of 2 years 5 months pretty much tore my heart apart.
Okay, so last year, she joined a boarding school, ignored me for 4 months, treated me like trash.
We managed to fix things during July last year when I went to visit her.

OK...now I stayed with her this summer for 3 weeks. Before I left to go back home we talked about preventing the 4 months of hell from happening again (as she is starting a new International school) , she promised me that it would not be like last time.
However, from the 1st day of school to now...she's been acting very very different. Her attitude towards me + the relationship is...totally different.

Since she started she's been ignoring my texts, finally replying back to me when she's about to sleep. (I gave her time to settle in the new school etc, which i thought was OK).
Yet, we've been having problems, she promised a lot of things..and broke every single one.
This promise though I thought she would take seriously. Turns out i'm just a joke to her.

So the past week almost 2, I've been trying to contact her BUT she NEVER answers, when she finally does she says she finishes class at XXX time and we'll skype later and BOOM she aint replying again. Well that's been happening non-stop, what's worse is I knew she was ignoring me as she was with the guy friends going swimming, watching movies and tv in THEIR rooms, heck i didn't even know where she was, or what she was doing with her new 'friends', I just go by the conversations they had.
So the other day I just snapped, all the anger/sadness/other sh*t inside just exploded....and I sent her a bunch of paragraphs about how unfair she's being, she's broke the promise like she always does, said some TERRIBLE words I do not mean...anger just got the best of me.
So i called her and she answered, i was still overwhelmed by anger and said "SO...are you going to tell me more about your new boyfriends?" I only meant BOY-friends as in MALE friends, because over the past 2 years I've only met ONE friend of hers which is a girl, she does have GUY friends who i've always wanted to meet and she put the phone down.

Since then, she was sending one word texts.e.g. I asked her "Can we just forget about the past days and work things out? I don't want to lose you" and she replied "i guess."

since then, she's completely ignored me.

So on the 1st September, I sent her a long message apologizing about the words I said, why I felt angery, sad, unwanted,etc
She replied by Blocking me on Facebook. (which was the only way i could contact her since she blocked me on other apps).

Before she blocked me, I checked on her facebook information bam, it said she's single.

I guess it's officially over. How can I even know if it's totally over between us when she isn't giving me a chance to explain myself and apologize and is ignoring me?!?!

I just wanted closure before I can move on....

What do y'all think? your views on this.

my opinion it seems like her new 'friends' are influencing her attitude/behavior as she did this ASL trend (the Christina I know would never support something that experiments on animals)

P.s. SO SO sorry I wrote such a long message. I just don't know how to explain it properly. heck, I don't even know what i've done wrong apart from the bad word calling and getting overwhelmed by anger. Thank you for reading the whole frickin thing, I appreciate that.


sidenote- we did have each others Facebook account details. I did take one look....I found that she rather ignore me and talk to other guys than make any effort to save the relationship.

[Moon]

I'm really sorry about this, barret. I'm afraid that it does sound like the relationship is over, at least for now. I think the best thing you can do though is to stop trying to contact her for a while, and see what happens. It might be, after some time and space, she'll want to at least talk with you about it, but if you keep trying, you're only going to alienate her further. Give it a few weeks, and see where it goes. Good luck.

[Ahava]

I am really sorry for what you are having to go through. And I am really annoyed for you because of the way she treated you.
That is no way to act and especially as you have been together for so long.
In my opinion she owes you an apology and an explanation for her behaviour.

My guess would be that maybe she has met someone else and just hasn't got the guts to tell you that she wants to end the relationship.
I am truly sorry about the way she treated you.

Take care.

[barret95]

I'm really sorry about this, barret. I'm afraid that it does sound like the relationship is over, at least for now. I think the best thing you can do though is to stop trying to contact her for a while, and see what happens. It might be, after some time and space, she'll want to at least talk with you about it, but if you keep trying, you're only going to alienate her further. Give it a few weeks, and see where it goes. Good luck.

thank you for replying
:'( i thought so, i kept telling myself that there still is hope but i think i was trying to run away from the truth.
yeah you're right, it's definitely going to be hard but I will do my best to stop contacting her (although with no way of contacting her now, it'll make it easier).
I just don't know what made her act like this...
could it be that she found someone else already?

[Redheart14]

I'm really sorry about this, barret. I'm afraid that it does sound like the relationship is over, at least for now. I think the best thing you can do though is to stop trying to contact her for a while, and see what happens. It might be, after some time and space, she'll want to at least talk with you about it, but if you keep trying, you're only going to alienate her further. Give it a few weeks, and see where it goes. Good luck.

I'm really sorry! I'd agree with this. It sounds like it's over which is heartbreaking for you. Make her miss you, stop all contact with her. Maybe she'll see how poorly she's treated you. You deserve so much better than that.

[barret95]

I am really sorry for what you are having to go through. And I am really annoyed for you because of the way she treated you.
That is no way to act and especially as you have been together for so long.
In my opinion she owes you an apology and an explanation for her behaviour.

My guess would be that maybe she has met someone else and just hasn't got the guts to tell you that she wants to end the relationship.
I am truly sorry about the way she treated you.

Take care.

I agree, she owes me an explanation and an apology, we both owe each other that.
It's weird...before we met each other her life was hell, she' got physically, mentally and sexually abused+assaulted...when I came along i was the first person she told. I did and gave everything to her.
yes, that thought about she found someone else has been in the back of my mind lately...
this sucks

I'm really sorry! I'd agree with this. It sounds like it's over which is heartbreaking for you. Make her miss you, stop all contact with her. Maybe she'll see how poorly she's treated you. You deserve so much better than that.

it is the worst thing that has happened to me since....ever. Especially when she was my first serious girlfriend. (i really thought we were a match for each other).
true, i hope she realizes what she's done and regrets it.

[Berenice]

Hi barret. I'm really sorry to hear what's happeningg to you and hope you feel a little bit better.
From all what you said, the first thing I thought was that she's being extremely unfair to you and you have absolutely NO reasons to apologise to her.
Now i try not to judge anyone or anything. I guess it's rather normal that she got offended if you used bad words towards her. But despite that, i still think she's acting very immature. I guess the relationship is over, but she should have the guts to say it to your face. I think it's very rude and childish to just block you and leave you clueless like that.
You must truly love her, so i would totally understand that you forgive this behavior, but if your relationships is ever starting again (on a more respectful basis i hope), i would truly suggest you to tell her how much this hurt and how unnaceptable this behavior is . Actually even of the relationship doesn't go further, you should do it already.

As the person above suggests, also try to give some time to all your emotions. I can't even start to imagine how bad you want to reach her and hear explanations right now, but try to give you some time for reflection. If you could talk to her now, what would you ask her ? Do you already have some answers, if you think and look deeply in your relationship ?
I don't wanna play therapist, i'm not, but maybe you can already sort a little things out by yourself.
Anyways, i really hope things get better, and that both of you can sort things out.
I wish you the best,
Berenice

[barret95]

@Berenice I do have reason to apologize, i should of mentioned this in the first post... one of the bad words I said was about her ex-boyfriend (the one who sexually+physically abused her), he acted in the same way she is acting towards me now! I said "you're just as bad as {his name]" which I extremely regret saying, worst possible thing that anyone could of said, mentioning about the past...I know that action of mine was very very childish, I do regret this and more importantly i did not even mean it. maybe that's why she is ending it? everyone makes mistakes though...right?

I honestly don't think the relationship will start again. If she asked to get back together....i wouldn't know what to do.

If i could talk to her now...
I would apologize for the actions I've done in my previous comment and the other actions, and I would ask if she would want time alone to think about things. Then I'd tell her that i feel like i'm a joke to her as she never takes the promises seriously. Finally i'd expect an apology to me.


Everyone thank you so much for replying, i'm in a terrible mood right now and i start college tomorrow...ugh

[Miasmata]

I'm really sorry to hear things went down like that Any relationship can get into a crisis, but with effort and communication, a lot of things are fixable - But since she's not even giving you the courtesy to explain herself or let you two have a proper talk, that's a really shabby sign.

Take good care of yourself now, and I really wish you the best.

[Redheart14]

I honestly don't think the relationship will start again. If she asked to get back together....i wouldn't know what to do.

Sounds like you've got your answer regardless of if you hear from her or not. Try keep your head up! You deserve to be with someone who shows you respect and courtesy. Make friends in college it'll be a helpful distraction from it. I'm really sorry.

[Kapwned]

If she was already blocking you on other apps that should have been your first sign. She was forcefully limiting your means of contact. Any normal person would never block their significant other on an app unless they were trying to close them out of their life.

Either way, it was a very disrespectful way to go about a break up. You were dating for 2 years and she couldn't just say it. Just move on and forget her, she isn't worth any of your emotions. It sounds like she is the type who goes by out of sight out of mind. As soon as she got caught up in other people who were present and in the moment she easily forgot those who weren't around. It's common and it doesn't mean they care but people who are in LDRs need to be sensitive toward this since you have essentially promised to make someone who is far away a part of your life. In some ways it may have been beneficial to realize this sooner seeing as she blew you off entirely the first time around, but it doesn't excuse the way she handled it.

[p_b82]

Sorry to read that things have not gone well for you.

This will come across as harsh, but I am honest - to my detriment and benefit at times; however some-one that blocked methods of communication with you and was only giving you token gestures was no longer emotionally committed to the relationship. My CD ex did the same thing to me, but with talking face to face, and 'set me free' when things became so untenable between us that that was the only option by default.

The way your (now ex) GF did that to you is cruel and unkind, she should have expected you to not take it well, but saying things in anger can never be taken back and may have been the straw the broke the camel's back in this case.

However, I would say to you don't waste more time on her, she obviously does not respect you enough, and that was a really mean way for her to lead you on, and to be too chicken to end it properly.

Hold you head up, as I don't think you have much to apologise for, and chalk this one down to experience....Good luck with college!

[barret95]

Thank you for all your replies everyone. Seeing that there are people out there that are nice enough to help is just amazing. Your words will support me when I am in need (lately, that is right now) . they mean a lot.

As for my Ex-girlfriend, it'd be good if I get closure but that ain't gonna happen *sigh*. Although I did send a message to her mother, who made so many sacrifices for us...just thanked her for taking me in when I was in their country and I appreciate that etc., I thought the mother deserved to know what she did herself was much appreciated. so i guess I kinda got some closure in a sense with the 'family'.
It just sucks though, the ex is now so heartless.

Thanks for le advice. It's her loss in the end, even if she finally realizes what she's done and gets in contact with me... I won't be very thrilled to talk to her

[Redheart14]

Thank you for all your replies everyone. Seeing that there are people out there that are nice enough to help is just amazing. Your words will support me when I am in need (lately, that is right now) . they mean a lot.

As for my Ex-girlfriend, it'd be good if I get closure but that ain't gonna happen *sigh*. Although I did send a message to her mother, who made so many sacrifices for us...just thanked her for taking me in when I was in their country and I appreciate that etc., I thought the mother deserved to know what she did herself was much appreciated. so i guess I kinda got some closure in a sense with the 'family'.
It just sucks though, the ex is now so heartless.

Thanks for le advice. It's her loss in the end, even if she finally realizes what she's done and gets in contact with me... I won't be very thrilled to talk to her

That's a real nice thing to thank her mum. Really mature and tasteful way to get your closure too (kinda). Good on you!

[Moon]

Thank you for all your replies everyone. Seeing that there are people out there that are nice enough to help is just amazing. Your words will support me when I am in need (lately, that is right now) . they mean a lot.

As for my Ex-girlfriend, it'd be good if I get closure but that ain't gonna happen *sigh*. Although I did send a message to her mother, who made so many sacrifices for us...just thanked her for taking me in when I was in their country and I appreciate that etc., I thought the mother deserved to know what she did herself was much appreciated. so i guess I kinda got some closure in a sense with the 'family'.
It just sucks though, the ex is now so heartless.

Thanks for le advice. It's her loss in the end, even if she finally realizes what she's done and gets in contact with me... I won't be very thrilled to talk to her

You know, there's always such a big deal about closure, and how important it is; that's pretty true, except I've found that often closure isn't always possible to get, or to get satisfactorily. Sometimes it's just not there, and we just have to go on without the answers we felt like we needed. You will eventually not care so much, and the closure, or lack thereof, won't bother you very much.

You are young, and I assume your ex is about the same age, and unfortunately people mature and grow differently at this point in their lives. It sounds like you were much more ready for an adult relationship that had some challenges, and once she got into a new environment, she just wasn't, and couldn't be mature enough to even discuss it properly. Sadly, this happens a lot when people go away to school, but I don't think you did anything wrong, except picking a girl who was less mature and committed than you were.

Take some time and be kind to yourself. You will find someone who matches you better down the line.