New and getting worried...

[FatalX]

Alright, obviously new to LDR. Here's some quick details:
-I'm 27, she's 20
-I live in the US, she's in Eastern Europe
-Talk everyday for last 2 months, met on website
-Everything is great, skype, talk everyday for hours on end, etc

She's never really had a serious relationship before and she's starting college in a month. She's going to be moving from her countryside place to the big city. This will be the first time away from her Catholic home and will be living in an apartment with her female friends. She's young and will be free...I've been to college and know that girls start to go through their "explore" stage and are a bit more crazy at this point. Maybe it's different in eastern Europe, but I have my doubts? Is there anything I can do about this? Do I even bring something up and talk about it without coming off as needy? Any help is appreciated.

[Moon]

Since you're new to this, the biggest, best advice that you can get from anyone is that trust is an absolute must. LDR's cannot and will not work without it. You can definitely talk about your fears, but remember to trust her, don't accuse because of your fears, but don't be a naive idiot either. Pay attention and listen to your instincts, but give her some time and space to adjust, too. Let her have fun without you, and try to keep jealousy to a minimum. In most instances, girls in happy relationships stay pretty stable, but I think I'd start planning a trip, just to cement the relationship a little more. Good luck.

[Unconditional]

To add to what moon has said, I'll just say. Not EVERY girl goes through that phase of "exploring."
Just trust.

[Dziubka]

Eastern Europe? Catholic? I think I might know where your SO is from


Anyway, my SO was 20 when we first met and got together and we were both in our 2nd year of uni. I think it's very well possible to be a bit crazy and have somewhat of an explore stage while still being in a relationship. Especially if you've moved from a small town to a big city, there's SO MUCH MORE to explore than casual sex.
There's not much you can do. Let her have the freedom she needs. Like Moon said, if you are worried you can talk about your fears, but don't be whiney or make accusations. If she's out with her friends and doesn't message you for a night? That's ok. She'll be busy settling into her new life and making use of the opportunities the city offers her. Let her be. This should be obvious, but don't tell her what she can(not) do. Be a part of her new life as much as you can from the distance. You can ask her to message you when she gets home, so you know she got home savely. But don't be angry or upset if she was tired and messages you only in the morning. It can happen.


And Moon's right: If you can, plan a visit.

Best of luck!

[Redheart14]

I agree with all the advice you've been given already. Trust and plan a trip.

[FatalX]

Thanks everyone! Everyone has come to the consensus that we must meet asap, so I will plan a trip.

Next question... how long do I plan to stay for? We've never met, so I don't want to be stuck there doing nothing if it doesn't work out as planned. 2-3 Weeks? I can't stay more than a month.

Thanks.

[JaneEmily]

I'd say a week to 2-3 would be good. Just make sure you guys have enough things planned together, or you have things planned to do solely (such as sightseeing) incase her studies call for her to be dragged away during your visit.

Good luck and have fun when you first meet! Remember it's okay to be awkward at first in person, you just have to ease into getting used to being around each other.

[Redheart14]

I'd say a week to 2-3 would be good. Just make sure you guys have enough things planned together, or you have things planned to do solely (such as sightseeing) incase her studies call for her to be dragged away during your visit.

Good luck and have fun when you first meet! Remember it's okay to be awkward at first in person, you just have to ease into getting used to being around each other.

Couldn't have put it better

[HappyHealthy365]

I agree with Moon, trust is an absolute must - it is the basis of everything. Communication, understanding and commitment are also important. Since you are in the beginning of it, you are still getting to know each other. The age-difference, the cultural difference, the situational difference (college vs work) and the long-distance CAN become a problem, but does not have to be a problem. It really depends. Trusting, communicating and getting to know each other are probably the key.
What are your doubts? What do you feel needy about?
Where is she from? (I am Hungarian so maybe I can help you with some cultural differences, especially if she is from Hungary, if not, still regarding the general Eastern-European mindset....also had a Bulgarian bf once so I know quite a bit about that culture and have lived in Croatia & Romania. I lived extensively in the US & my partner is from there so I know 'your side of the story' too.)
Message me if you need to chat further.

[FatalX]

I agree with Moon, trust is an absolute must - it is the basis of everything. Communication, understanding and commitment are also important. Since you are in the beginning of it, you are still getting to know each other. The age-difference, the cultural difference, the situational difference (college vs work) and the long-distance CAN become a problem, but does not have to be a problem. It really depends. Trusting, communicating and getting to know each other are probably the key.
What are your doubts? What do you feel needy about?
Where is she from? (I am Hungarian so maybe I can help you with some cultural differences, especially if she is from Hungary, if not, still regarding the general Eastern-European mindset....also had a Bulgarian bf once so I know quite a bit about that culture and have lived in Croatia & Romania. I lived extensively in the US & my partner is from there so I know 'your side of the story' too.)
Message me if you need to chat further.

Slovakia.


Last question, I promise... How often do you see each other during this 2-3 week period? Everyday? I'm there just for her, but I don't want to force it either.

[JaneEmily]

Slovakia.


Last question, I promise... How often do you see each other during this 2-3 week period? Everyday? I'm there just for her, but I don't want to force it either.

Well, when I had my first meeting with my SO, he only stayed for 6 days due to financial difficulties but he was staying at a local hotel in my town and we'd arrange to meet up at a set time each day. Our set time was 1-1.30pm every day so we had enough time to get ready each day without feeling like we need to rush out the door especially as I went to pick him up with my parents so me and him could hang around for the day until he went back to his hotel room at 9pm - as hard as it was because we would've liked to been able to snuggle up at night (this was mainly because I respected my parents request for us not to spend nights together in the first visit as they found it inappropriate and uncomfortable as we'd only just met face to face for the first time but they did allow us one night to spend out of the 6).

I'd say that it really depends on what you want to do as a couple throughout your stay, ask her how much time she'd like to spend together during your visit is your best bet. Discuss times to meet up, the best times to call it a night if you're not going to spending the nights together for the first few days etc. It really depends on your relationship and the mutual agreement between you two. Discuss it with your SO what she'd find appropriate and come to a mutual decision on what you'd like to do and how much time you'd like to spend together.

[Dziubka]

Last question, I promise... How often do you see each other during this 2-3 week period? Everyday? I'm there just for her, but I don't want to force it either.

Ask as many questions as you want, that's what forums are for after all.

My personal take on this: If I was travelling halfway around the world, spending my time and money on it, I would want to see my SO every day. If it wasn't possible because of school or work, I'd try to schedule the first visit, so that my SO could take the days off as well.

[Malaga]

also had a Bulgarian bf once so I know quite a bit about that culture and have lived in Croatia & Romania.

Just to point out that technically Croatia is considered Central, Mediterranean or South-East Europe. It would be a big stretch to lump us in with Eastern Europe, yes there are a few cultural similarities but there are many more differences, mostly because we've never been ruled by Soviets unlike most other Eastern countries, and we're Catholic. Those two things make for big cultural differences. I'm sure you already know that having lived here, but I feel like I have to represent on an international forum like this

[Moon]

Ask as many questions as you want, that's what forums are for after all.

My personal take on this: If I was travelling halfway around the world, spending my time and money on it, I would want to see my SO every day. If it wasn't possible because of school or work, I'd try to schedule the first visit, so that my SO could take the days off as well.

I was thinking the same. This visit is where you get to know each other, you're going just for her, I don't see why you wouldn't be together everyday, unless like Dziu said, there's school or work. Otherwise take full advantage to the time you get to actually physically spend together.

[FatalX]

Alright guys, we got things figured out. Now here's another question...she has offered me to stay at her place and sleep in the same bed. Is it too much too fast? I was more than content getting a hotel for the first week.