Long Distance Documentary

[Lea-le-Lea]

So, ever since my boyfriend and I got together about a year ago, I've been really interested in showing the world what LDRs are really like. Now while all LDRs are just as special as the next, my main focus is on the least accepted form on an LDR (from my experience). The ones that are born over the internet. While they are becoming more widely known, I feel as if there is so much to tell about being in an LDR! Now, what I've come here for is stereotypes and stories--this obviously goes or any ldr, because I'm sure we've heard them all!

I want to know, the most ridiculous, or most common stereotypes of being in a long distance relationship.

As well as that, I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!!

And lastly, I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that).

[lilspitfire]

You're not really a couple if you haven't met yet.

My SO has made me a better person. He makes my days at work easier being there with and for me. He has made me feel and believe I am beautiful and worthy of love. We've had our ups and downs, but I know he loves me.

Not being able to see him when I want. Hug him when I want. Kiss him when I want. Hold his hand. Run my fingers through his hair. Curl against him while we watch movies. Lay my head on his chest at night. Fall asleep in his arms.

[lordpsymon]

I've had a wee share of "that is not a real relationship" (coming from a person who can't hold one for longer than three months).

Caitlin has changed me a lot, in a good way. For a start, the relationship has prompted me to learn ways to manage my anxiety better, it has made me a happier person, more motivated and it has given me something to really look forward to. Her and I bonded really well almost from day one. If there's one thing she does really well, is that she makes it so very obvious that she really loves me, and that is really special because in my last relationship I was more often than not made to feel like I was annoying and embarrassing to be around. I know Caitlin would never go behind my back and I can trust her fully. In short, Caitlin is a real gem and I'll do anything necessary to make this relationship work. I have never felt so loved in my life.

The hardest part is the 16 hour time difference. Our schedules can sometimes make it slightly difficult to arrange skype dates which can get a bit hard. I often miss her and crave a good cuddle with her. She's often asleep while I am awake and going about my day, or she is at work and when she does have free time, I'm usually at work or at uni so she often is up late to skype me. Of course I can't always expect her to stay up late for me. However, I just keep reminding myself that I really love her, and that we're only four months away from getting together. I'm flying to Florida and she's coming back to New Zealand with me which is a really exciting time for me. I just have to remember that the anxiety of missing her won't last much longer.

[squeeker]

I want to know, the most ridiculous, or most common stereotypes of being in a long distance relationship. That someone is going to cheat.

I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!! It has probably strengthened our communication. It was great in our "get to know you" stage before we decided to be in a relationship, because we were able to get to know each other in a less stressful environments (our own homes). It helps us appreciate the little things a lot more than maybe we would have if we lived close distance all the time.

And lastly, I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that). Of course the hardest thing is not being there physically, to touch or hold or kiss each other whenever we want. And when we need it most. And it's hard having to save up to see each other. And seeing other people get engaged and married who may have been together less time than us even.. also a minor thing but I really hate headphones.. and I hate when the internet messes up or anything that affects our communication.

Good luck with your documentary. My SO and I are also really interested in making a LDR documentary sometime, as well as other ideas for documentaries and films.

[Alsfia]

People thinking we're some sort of super humans/emotionally detached because we are apart a lot of the time.

It has really got me to develope not only a trust in him, but in the relationship itself. I have also stopped looking at things as impossible, I have started to rather see them as possible with some hindrance. So I suppose I've become more positive... We have also experiemced being independent, depending and have the other depend on one and so far it hasn't put any strain worth mentioning on our relationship.

The hardest part for me is probably being restrained to take part in each others day to day life through a screen or just hear about it. Also knowing that when you're together it will always end at some point, untill you close the distance permanently, and then you will still have to continue a LDR with one family.

[Anoulie]

1. I want to know, the most ridiculous, or most common stereotypes of being in a long distance relationship.

2. As well as that, I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!!

3. And lastly, I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that).

Disclaimer: my SO and I actually met in real life first, when I was an exchange student in the US six years ago (I went to school with his sister), but we never talked much until 2012 or so (and that was online) and then we actually got to know each other and he asked me out.

1. - that it's not a real relationship
- that the time period we've been dating while apart "doesn't count" (e.g. my boyfriend and I have been dating for 13 months now, but that's really only 2 months because we were apart the other 11 -- what? we talk to each other every day)
- that we can't know if we're right for each other yet if we haven't been living in the same city for a while
- that he might cheat on me (suggested by one of my roommates when I told her I was surprise-visiting him)

2. - it's an exercise in patience (my SO called it a crucible)
- it shows that we're willing to wait for each other and thus gives the whole relationship more weight/significance in a way (I wouldn't have started dating a guy from the US just for fun or, "let's see what happens in a couple months/years", but rather we approached the whole thing intentionally from the very beginning)
- I get to travel a lot, which I like
- I get to see my host dad, American friends etc. again
- I get to do cute things for my SO (sending letters, packages, that surprise visit)
- when I tell my SO about things that are going on in my life, he's able to provide me with kind of an outside perspective
- I get to practice and improve my English

3. pre-meet:
- being happy and excited to meet him, but also super-nervous that we wouldn't click as well in real life as we had online
- people thinking we were weird and my parents being a little worried (that changed a lot after we actually met and officially started dating)
- worrying about the future/what would happen if we did start dating
post-meet/between meeting:
- missing him a whole lot (duh)
- feeling left out when people brought their SOs places and I was "single" except I wasn't
- feeling weird when telling people about something he said or did because they didn't know him personally

[TwoThree]

I want to know, the most ridiculous, or most common stereotypes of being in a long distance relationship.

You get to spend so little time together, there's absolutely no way he isn't cheating on you.

As well as that, I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!!

We open up more when we talk. When we're together we do talk a lot, but we don't often get to have long and meaningful conversations because mostly we're just content with being together and enjoying physical contact.

Also we get our fair share of alone time and space.

And lastly, I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that).

I feel like the answer to that is pretty obvious, and I can't think of anything original!

[Kapwned]

1. They're lying about who they are. Their pictures are fake, their identity is fake, they're misleading you, and if they want to meet up with you there is a chance their intentions are to harm you.

My boyfriend is from Canada and I am from the US. Realistically we're only 2-3 hours away from each other as we're both near the border. When I was crossing over during my first visit I was receive extensive searches and questioning because the person I was going to meet was someone I met online. The customs agent asked me if I'd ever googled him. I told her I had talked to him on Skype via video chat and I had him on Facebook where all of his friends and family were present, so I felt rather trusting of him. She responded with an attitude and said "That's not what I meant." She then asked me about my back up plan should things go wrong. She wasn't happy with the amount of money I had on me and told me to make sure I had money wired to me asap. I understand her concern but it just shows how much of a negative stigma there is surrounding internet based LDRs. The other agents didn't seem bothered by it though. The bus driver asked me why she was badgering me for so long. I was honest and told him it was because the person I was going to visit was someone I met online and he was like "Oh. Yeah, they'll do that."

2. People who get into LDRs are basement dwelling losers who don't know what it's like to be in an actual close distance relationship. They probably can't attract someone in person so they have to hide behind a monitor to attract someone.

While I didn't have guys lining up for me, I have had close distance relationships and I have had men pursue me. This is one of the reasons why I am hesitant to be honest about my LDR with people. I've heard so many people crack jokes at people who are in LDRs that started on the internet.

3. You can't have a real connection without having that physical contact.

Then you are discrediting people who are Asexual which I am not okay with. While sex and physical intimacy is indeed one of the greatest perks of being in a relationship it is by no means important to some people. I'd rather have someone who I am compatible in every aspect of life. When you meet someone online you don't have that misleading lust one might feel when it turns out all along they were just physically attracted to the person. When you fall in love with someone you met online you know you are falling in love with who they are.

I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!!

They teach you to have patience, how to be more independent and live your life while having someone else to enjoy it with. Sometimes I feel it's easier than a close up relationship because while I am doing homework or working in general I can sit on Skype and talk to him and spend time with him while working. But if someone were there in person hanging out with me I'd be far more distracted. My LDR is allowing me to focus on myself while having someone in my life and when everything has settled down and we're both established we can see about closing the distance permanently.

And lastly, I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that).

There's always that lingering fear that eventually they will not be able to handle or desire the distance. LDRs take effort to maintain and if it ever becomes too hard for one the relationship cannot continue.

[snow]

I want to know, the most ridiculous, or most common stereotypes of being in a long distance relationship.

All he wants is sex. He is cheating on you. You don't know him. It will never work out. He will dump you once he meets you in person.

I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!!

The most obvious pro is the amount of time we spent talking, but that has been mentioned. I also feel like through the cultural differences we both learned a lot about each other and adapted a couple things that make it easier for us now to understand certain mannerisms. I have gotten a lot of self-confidence through him and the way he has treated me, but that is not so much the LD part of it, but just how genuinely happy he makes me.

And lastly, I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that).

Again, the most obvious fear was that we would not click. I did not think it would really happen, but you have to brace yourself for it, because no matter how well you click online, meeting in person adds a lot more depth to a person.

[kittyo9]

1. I want to know, the most ridiculous, or most common stereotypes of being in a long distance relationship.
(this one applies in particular to US-international relationships)

- He's just using you for a green card. I have had many people, especially random people on the internet who don't know me at all, but also family and friends, say things like, "Just watch out... he could be using you to get a green card." It's a valid concern, I guess-- he is from a "third-world" country, and he isn't exactly wealthy-- but for those of us who grew up using the internet and have learned how to express and interpret our feelings in writing, it's actually not that hard to figure out who is genuine and who is not.
- He's an online predator. To which I would answer... do you really think an online predator would wait two years to meet his victim or spend hundreds trying (and failing-- not his fault) to get a visa just to visit me??

2. I'd like to hear about how being in a long distance relationship has strengthened you and give me as many pros as you can think of!!

- We are so good at communicating our feelings in writing now.
- I get to travel and basically have a second home in Lima. He also gets to practice his English (and it has improved); I get to work on my Spanish (can't say it's improved that much, haha)
- We have time to do our own things when we want or need to and respect one another's desire to do so
- I've learned about a whole culture

3. I would like to know what has been hardest on you, pre or post first meet (or any meets after that).

My SO has a harder time dealing with it than I do. Watching him struggle and being unable to do anything to make it better is awful. Before our first meet, our relationship was a little more lighthearted, but afterwards, I think our relationship got more serious and we've been seriously considering ways to close the distance. My SO is very frustrated that the only feasible ways to do that involve getting married. It's not that he doesn't want to marry me-- we've known for years that we want to get married-- but it's really frustrating that we have to get married just to be together. He hasn't been able to get a tourist visa, so he hasn't been able to meet my family in person, and he wants to do it "right" and meet them beforehand, but we can't exactly do that if he can't meet them at all. I suggested a fiance visa... so he'd have time to meet my family beforehand... but he's so frustrated with that option because he doesn't want to meet them BECAUSE he's marrying me, he just wants to meet them, period, like a normal relationship. I think that has been our biggest struggle.