LDR - Am I too clingy?

[Capturing-_]

Apologies for being so text heavy. I'm only new to this, so be kind. Haha! (:


Hi,

I have been with my long distance boyfriend for over 3 years now. We are both adults and try to visit each other when we can. Although we do not argue often, I can feel myself feeling frustrated or unhappy but I am afraid to address it without sound clingy.

He works full time and I am a student full time, so we would talk everyday before sleeping (it works for us and has for so years). I understand that and I enjoy it, but I like to do things like watch movies together, talk or play games during the weekend as it's different to weekdays and something I would like to do if we were together in person. Although he games from Friday to Sunday every night, so I'm stuck with having only weekdays and unable to do those things that I think we both enjoy and really takes us away from the 'long distance constantly texting reminder'. I am busy during the days and we are often both distracted, so the evenings are perfect but only he games. Am I being too clingy to want to spend a night doing something? I am unsure.

Please feel free to answer my concerns or express anything similar what you go through within your LDR. Thank you for reading!

[differentcountries]

Well, if he is into games, maybe he can play with you?

[Gonçalo]

Well, if he is into games, maybe he can play with you?

Yeah I agree with you.
But personally I just try not to game now that I'm in a LDR. With "not to game" I mean don't do it constantly 24/7 during the weekends like I used to. I have deleted all my games from my computer and it's something that we can give up on, I have set a priority and the priority is my girlfriend, I can live without games but I can't live without her, and since she doesn't like gaming to play with me I guess I chose her to spend my nights with rather than a silly game.

Just my opinion.

[snow]

It's definitely not too clingy to ask for a date night every one in a while.

A friend of mine and her boyfriend picked one day a week to have a date night where both of them make time for each other. He is working full time, she is in school full time so they have little time to talk to each other but those date nights seem to work for them.

Gaming is not the problem, it is about making time for each other. It's like any other hobby. You will have to find a balance that works for both. My fiance and I play games all the time, together and each on their own, but we still find time to watch movies together and have skype dates every once in awhile.

[butterfly712]

I agree gaming is good to do together,it gives you a chance to have fun together.

[Swederica]

Yeah I agree with you.
But personally I just try not to game now that I'm in a LDR. With "not to game" I mean don't do it constantly 24/7 during the weekends like I used to. I have deleted all my games from my computer and it's something that we can give up on, I have set a priority and the priority is my girlfriend, I can live without games but I can't live without her, and since she doesn't like gaming to play with me I guess I chose her to spend my nights with rather than a silly game.

Just my opinion.

I would never give up gaming for someone. then again I probably value it more than you do.

[JaneEmily]

Yeah I agree with you.
But personally I just try not to game now that I'm in a LDR. With "not to game" I mean don't do it constantly 24/7 during the weekends like I used to. I have deleted all my games from my computer and it's something that we can give up on, I have set a priority and the priority is my girlfriend, I can live without games but I can't live without her, and since she doesn't like gaming to play with me I guess I chose her to spend my nights with rather than a silly game.

Just my opinion.

I think it's actually quite sweet that you actually value your time together to the point that when you're talking, you don't do something that may bore her or may feel her left out. I think people have misinterpreted that you saying "you don't game for her" = giving it up altogether. What you only said is that you don't do it as much, but you still do it - just not when it comes in between talking time with her so you make sure your focus is on her and you can do something you both find fun. That's a good compromise imo.




Me and my SO only really play games together, I find it boring without him. It's not as fun if I can't play a game without him - I get bored real quick. But we also do other things like we have a joint blog that we try to keep updated every so often, he helps teach me his language (Dutch) - and in the recent past has helped me outline a plot for a story I'm working on. We also have reading sessions, most of the time we don't read the same book but I recently figured out if you both have the Kindle program on your PC's or whatever tablet/iPhone, if you both use the same "kindle email account" on it - you can access the exact same book and make your own little book club reading together. But away from doing all those things together, I spend most of my days when he is at work reading other books, watching movies online (we usually set aside films we want to watch as a couple), writing individually and self-studying Dutch when he isn't around to teach me.

But to make ourselves feel even closer, we also have a morning wake up video call on Skype where we spend about 10-20 minutes laying in bed staring at each other's sleepy faces, then we both take our phones downstairs and video-chat whilst eating breakfast. It makes us feel like we're still sharing one of the most important meals of the day, but together. It motivates me to bother to eat breakfast actually - as some days I'm just too lazy to.

I don't think it's being too clingy to ask for a bit more time together. You're allowed to want more. Just specify what kind of things you'd like to do together, make plans for Skype dates, movie nights on Skype etc.

[differentcountries]

Yeah I agree with you.
But personally I just try not to game now that I'm in a LDR. With "not to game" I mean don't do it constantly 24/7 during the weekends like I used to. I have deleted all my games from my computer and it's something that we can give up on, I have set a priority and the priority is my girlfriend, I can live without games but I can't live without her, and since she doesn't like gaming to play with me I guess I chose her to spend my nights with rather than a silly game.

Just my opinion.

The reason why I asked, is because OP thinks it would be nice if he would be playing games with her. But I guess other types of contact too, so I see your point. I am not much of a gamer myself but I have for instance cut down on seeing my friends so I will have time for SO.

[Capturing-_]

Thank you everyone for replying.

It really helped to read other opinions on it and see that I'm not being clingy. I do game myself, but we are unfortunately not into the same 'games' as he says. Although I have messaged him and explained that I would like to maybe spend a bit more time together rather than have him not game at all.

Update - he was completely understandable and is willing to spend one night/evening together, so I'm glad and I will take you all up on your suggestions (Skype dates etc).

[Swederica]

I think it's actually quite sweet that you actually value your time together to the point that when you're talking, you don't do something that may bore her or may feel her left out. I think people have misinterpreted that you saying "you don't game for her" = giving it up altogether. What you only said is that you don't do it as much, but you still do it - just not when it comes in between talking time with her so you make sure your focus is on her and you can do something you both find fun. That's a good compromise imo.

"I have deleted all my games from my computer"

there's only so many ways you can interpret that. Anyway I'm talking from the perspective of someone who heavily self-identify as a gamer so. I really don't interpret it the way you do but doesn't matter.

[JaneEmily]

"I have deleted all my games from my computer"

there's only so many ways you can interpret that. Anyway I'm talking from the perspective of someone who heavily self-identify as a gamer so. I really don't interpret it the way you do but doesn't matter.

Lol believe me I know what it takes to be a gamer. I'm someone who used to stream FIFA from 2009 daily on the biggest live-streaming website for 2-3 years, I had quite a big following. But I too removed myself from that community as I didn't find it fun any more and the people I was hanging with on it - they started cyber bullying me on there so I removed myself from that community so trust me - I've self identified myself as a gamer in the past. I no longer do as I have just moved on from it all and I do other things with my life now that I consider to be of higher priority. You can still play games that aren't on your PC btw, just because he removed them from his PC doesn't mean he can't play console games. Such thing as being a console gamer

[Swederica]

You can still play games that aren't on your PC btw, just because he removed them from his PC doesn't mean he can't play console games. Such thing as being a console gamer

I am heavily fighting my elitist side on this one, let this be known.

It's fine to not find it fun anymore. All I was saying is that I would never give up on it for someone elses sake.

[snow]

I am heavily fighting my elitist side on this one, let this be known.

It's fine to not find it fun anymore. All I was saying is that I would never give up on it for someone elses sake.

And you shouldn't have to. Gaming is a hobby like any other. It only is a danger when you are getting addicted. If you still make time for your SO, there is no need to give up on any hobby.

[nerdgasm42]

This is something I've dealt with in the past, and am dealing with now. The thing is, there is a certain game we both enjoy, but we are both kind of on hiatus waiting for new content to come out. In the meantime I am busy with work and school and he is busy with work and playing another game. So I feel like I barely talk to him. Even when I do I feel like I don't get his attention. I know that when I see him again in a few days I'll be reminded of just how wonderful things are with him, but long distance is so difficult when I feel like I barely get to talk to him anymore. Try to set some times aside that are just for the two of you, with no interruptions. He can take an hour or so on Saturday or something to focus on just you. You need that - both of you. The only way it's going to get better is to talk openly about it. Believe me I understand that that is easier said than done. Best of luck to you.