heyy everyone, so i'm amanda.. the girlfriend this post has been about haha
i want to thank everyone so much for all your input, it's helped immensly. this has been the ongoing problem in me and eric's relationship. it's been the reason over many arguments, disagrements, and things that shouldn't necessarily be problems.
my neighbor is my best friend, he's that guy that i walk into his house and act like it's my own, or he will walk into mine and go right to the fridge. he hangs out at my house even when i'm not there. i appreciate him a lot. vixx- your story sounded basically identical to me and my neighbors, and i appreciate what you had to say because it's how i felt about everything! i have also had a sexual past (not sex, but many other things) with him, and this is where it has gotten complicated for me and eric. i've done things i'm not quite proud of, but havn't we all? i have never cheated on any of my previous boyfriends, nor have i ever even thought about cheating on eric. i believe solely on being faithful. i am not happy with some of the things i did with him in the beginning of mine and eric's relationship, like the bra thing, which i didn't do.. but i didn't do anything to stop it but laugh, and the flirting. there have been a few posts that have talked about boundaries, and some people may not consider certain things flirting. my thing with my neighbor is, it never seemed like flirting to us because it's what we did everyday. they were just little things that because we were so close, its just what we did. i understand that i should have realized once i got a boyfriend, all things that would be considered "more than friend" actions, or inappropriate, should have stopped immediatly. but i didn't even think of them as being flirtatious, just something me and him would do. they were never sexual, just things that just should be stopped when your in a relationship.
this has been such an ongoing issue because eric does not trust him one bit, and unfortunatly, does not trust me either. trust is the foundation of a relationship, and right now that's not the strongest part of our relationship because it's lacking in a sense. it hurts knowing that because of an action i did in the past, i don't have the full trust with him that i should. i also don't think that he should keep looking in the past, because it won't get him anywhere. he's basically stuck in a place that wasn't happy, and isn't looking towards the future. it's always.. well that one time. yes that was one time, but i would never even think to do those things anymore with my neighbor because i then realized that although those things wern't looked at as flirtatious with me and my neighbor, they were looked at that other way with third parties, aka.. my boyfriend. he ends up nit picking at every little move i make, because of the lack of trust. i know trust takes time to build, especially after it's been broken. and it hurts knowing that i'm doing absolutly nothing wrong now, but the past is still looked at to a certain extent. eric is getting a lot better at trying to build his trust for me, and i appreciate it beyond belief.
the distance has had a huge part of this, and it kills us everyday. eric hates seeing me with my neighbor day after day, as all he can do is skype, text, phone calls, etc. the big picture here is he is envious that my neighbor can see me whenever he wants, and eric has to take a plane to come see me. i understand that without a doubt. i wish more than anything he could be there whenever i wanted to, and there wasn't the distance. however, thats what we were given so we have to learn to deal with what we have.
after reading many of your posts i feel horrible for telling him to "suck it up". that makes me sound.. to put it bluntly.. like a heartless bitch. and thats not me what so ever. it's so hard when this problem is dealt with day after day, even though i'm not doing anything wrong in the matters of hurting eric in anyway. i care so much about how he feels, and i hate seeing him unhappy when i am with my neighbor. but i am never going to give up my friendship, that in my opinion is completly unhealthy, and i am not willing to just throw away a great friendship with someone ive know since i was little. i will however, compromise and change certain aspects of my friendship, which some i've already done, and some i'm still working on. i just want this problem to be over so bad i say whatever sometimes, and it comes across as me not caring, when im just sick of the fighting.
i'm absolutly head over heals in love with eric. he treats me better than any guy i could ever imagine. i hate thatwe have this huge problem hindering over us, because we can be so much better than this, i know we can. we are genuinly so happy together, especially when we are physically together. we don't have the problems we do when we're far apart. this is where i just HATE distance! we are trying so hard to work this out, because i know it can be fixed. but it's going to take a huge amount of effort from the both of us.
sorry this was so long but i had a lot to catch up on!
thank you all so much for your posts!
i want to thank everyone so much for all your input, it's helped immensly. this has been the ongoing problem in me and eric's relationship. it's been the reason over many arguments, disagrements, and things that shouldn't necessarily be problems.
my neighbor is my best friend, he's that guy that i walk into his house and act like it's my own, or he will walk into mine and go right to the fridge. he hangs out at my house even when i'm not there. i appreciate him a lot. vixx- your story sounded basically identical to me and my neighbors, and i appreciate what you had to say because it's how i felt about everything! i have also had a sexual past (not sex, but many other things) with him, and this is where it has gotten complicated for me and eric. i've done things i'm not quite proud of, but havn't we all? i have never cheated on any of my previous boyfriends, nor have i ever even thought about cheating on eric. i believe solely on being faithful. i am not happy with some of the things i did with him in the beginning of mine and eric's relationship, like the bra thing, which i didn't do.. but i didn't do anything to stop it but laugh, and the flirting. there have been a few posts that have talked about boundaries, and some people may not consider certain things flirting. my thing with my neighbor is, it never seemed like flirting to us because it's what we did everyday. they were just little things that because we were so close, its just what we did. i understand that i should have realized once i got a boyfriend, all things that would be considered "more than friend" actions, or inappropriate, should have stopped immediatly. but i didn't even think of them as being flirtatious, just something me and him would do. they were never sexual, just things that just should be stopped when your in a relationship.
this has been such an ongoing issue because eric does not trust him one bit, and unfortunatly, does not trust me either. trust is the foundation of a relationship, and right now that's not the strongest part of our relationship because it's lacking in a sense. it hurts knowing that because of an action i did in the past, i don't have the full trust with him that i should. i also don't think that he should keep looking in the past, because it won't get him anywhere. he's basically stuck in a place that wasn't happy, and isn't looking towards the future. it's always.. well that one time. yes that was one time, but i would never even think to do those things anymore with my neighbor because i then realized that although those things wern't looked at as flirtatious with me and my neighbor, they were looked at that other way with third parties, aka.. my boyfriend. he ends up nit picking at every little move i make, because of the lack of trust. i know trust takes time to build, especially after it's been broken. and it hurts knowing that i'm doing absolutly nothing wrong now, but the past is still looked at to a certain extent. eric is getting a lot better at trying to build his trust for me, and i appreciate it beyond belief.
the distance has had a huge part of this, and it kills us everyday. eric hates seeing me with my neighbor day after day, as all he can do is skype, text, phone calls, etc. the big picture here is he is envious that my neighbor can see me whenever he wants, and eric has to take a plane to come see me. i understand that without a doubt. i wish more than anything he could be there whenever i wanted to, and there wasn't the distance. however, thats what we were given so we have to learn to deal with what we have.
after reading many of your posts i feel horrible for telling him to "suck it up". that makes me sound.. to put it bluntly.. like a heartless bitch. and thats not me what so ever. it's so hard when this problem is dealt with day after day, even though i'm not doing anything wrong in the matters of hurting eric in anyway. i care so much about how he feels, and i hate seeing him unhappy when i am with my neighbor. but i am never going to give up my friendship, that in my opinion is completly unhealthy, and i am not willing to just throw away a great friendship with someone ive know since i was little. i will however, compromise and change certain aspects of my friendship, which some i've already done, and some i'm still working on. i just want this problem to be over so bad i say whatever sometimes, and it comes across as me not caring, when im just sick of the fighting.
i'm absolutly head over heals in love with eric. he treats me better than any guy i could ever imagine. i hate thatwe have this huge problem hindering over us, because we can be so much better than this, i know we can. we are genuinly so happy together, especially when we are physically together. we don't have the problems we do when we're far apart. this is where i just HATE distance! we are trying so hard to work this out, because i know it can be fixed. but it's going to take a huge amount of effort from the both of us.
sorry this was so long but i had a lot to catch up on!
thank you all so much for your posts!
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