Would you do anything to save your relationship?

[ronjaandbirk]

I would do pretty much anything, exept one thing, and that is giving up my choice of career. I'm a graphic designer, and can work pretty much everywhere so it's not a problem, but it's my absolute dream to be doing graphic design, and I will never ever give up on that or working on great projetcs. its more about the work itself than the prestige tho. I love doing it and I would never let go of that. if I would have to for some reason for him I think I'd start to resent him.

But would I deal with being poor, not having my family and friends close and live in a country where I don't even like it that much? yeah absolutely. (luckily I dont have to.. I love his country )

[lilspitfire]

For a 4-month old relationship?
I probably wouldn't move across the country, no.

But some people would be perfectly fine uprooting their entire life like that and consider it an adventure, so it's not particularly relevant what we'd do if you're that kind of person.

You should consider the practical aspects, not just the fact that it's nice to have a CD instead of LD relationship. Money, living situation, social life, etc.

Moving halfway across the country is a big change. How many times have you met already, would you be living together or separately just closer, do you have the savings and finances to make that change (and more importantly, to reverse it if something goes wrong), have you been to Maryland/do you like the east coast (it's quite different than Texas in everything from weather to politics), etc.

I was born on the East Coast. I still have family there. Separately and depending on whether I transferred offices, either Maryland or somewhere closer. Somewhere near as possible to Delaware (where I am from).

[lilspitfire]

So, he doesn't want to move to you, but he is pressuring you to move him? This is how this reads to me ... and after only 5 months this is a lot to ask of someone without being willing to do the same.

He could move to me, but he has a house he paid out 250K for and he's not up to selling it just yet especially when his parents helped him buy it.

[lilspitfire]

I would do pretty much anything, exept one thing, and that is giving up my choice of career. I'm a graphic designer, and can work pretty much everywhere so it's not a problem, but it's my absolute dream to be doing graphic design, and I will never ever give up on that or working on great projetcs. its more about the work itself than the prestige tho. I love doing it and I would never let go of that. if I would have to for some reason for him I think I'd start to resent him.

But would I deal with being poor, not having my family and friends close and live in a country where I don't even like it that much? yeah absolutely. (luckily I dont have to.. I love his country )

My job is NOT a career. Call center is not my whole life. Lol. It's not just for him. I've got family close by to Maryland actually, in Delaware.

[lilspitfire]

I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't actually want to do to save my relationship. I wouldn't move to a place where I wouldn't want to live or give up a job I liked.

Would I move across the country for my SO? Well, I did. Because I wanted to be here as well. I don't think this is something that other people can advise you on. I nothing is keeping you where you are and his area sounds interesting to you and you'd like to try out living there, then go for it.
Don't make it about him or dependent on your relationship, though.

It's not actually ALL about him, he's only a small part. I have family back East. I've been trying to get back East for awhile now (since I've visited in 2012, but never really got into gear on it). This just seems like a kind of kick in the butt, so to speak to do more.

[Petals]

Sounds like you wouldn't be giving up much to move so what is the issue?

My SO suggested I break my contract to be with him next year. He suggested we get married next summer and apply for spouse visa from his country. I am very tempted but a fiance visa requires less proof than a spouse visa, so I think we should go that route though it will mean not joining him until 2016. It is a tough decision but I have to be practical.

[Redheart14]

I wouldn't do absolutely anything, but I would do whatever I reasonably could. I wouldn't give up everything, I wouldn't change who I am, I wouldn't push myself into ruin for it. If I was free to move though, and had a job to go to, I would.

Well said. I agree

[Redheart14]

Sounds like you wouldn't be giving up much to move so what is the issue?

My SO suggested I break my contract to be with him next year. He suggested we get married next summer and apply for spouse visa from his country. I am very tempted but a fiance visa requires less proof than a spouse visa, so I think we should go that route though it will mean not joining him until 2016. It is a tough decision but I have to be practical.

Have you decided what you're gonna do yet?

[dizzyupthemeg]

If he is only a small part of it, you aren't really giving up everything for the relationship, right?

[Petals]

Have you decided what you're gonna do yet?

We will apply for fiance visa when he gets here in January. We are still thinking about the option of moving to join him next summer and get married, but I think I want to complete my contract, so I will have more savings. Once I move to be with him my career will be over as I will need to further studies to qualify for positions in my field in his country. I will be working in his business, for awhile, plus plans to have children immediately after my move will mean staying home for a few years.

Chances are I will pursue a different career, but that's ok since priority for me (us) is to be together and start a family.

[silvermoonfairy3]

If he's only a small part of it, and you've been wanting to go back anyway, I'd suggest doing it, but making it for yourself as much. As in, maybe don't move right in with him, but have you own place. Move with a job in place, etc.

[Dezface]

The question confuses me. To SAVE the relationship? Depends why it needed saving. I'm too jaded to say I'd do anything "whatever the cost." But I did move across the world to be with the guy so obviously I'd do a lot for him.

[conejita_hada]

Like others said, if you have other motives for moving (family and not having career attachment to the job) then go for it. The way the original question was worded sounded like there were issues that needed focus. Granted no one knows your relationship as you and your SO do. If it's a good opportunity and it's not about "saving" the relationship while sacrificing in other aspects of your life, then do what is best for yourself at this time, go for it.

[Hollandia]

Delaware huh? LOL. That is where I lived in USA until the big move.

I think after a year or so I would consider a move like that but not yet. I think one or both of you has to be willing and ready to leave family to close distance. I spent a big chunk of my cash and sold my car to close distance and left my loved ones and my country to do it. He quit school for now, took a job in UK and left his loved ones and country to do it. We were both miserable at times at first but now we have adjusted and we are so very happy. I would never have done this for a "maybe" but it was a no brainer for a life partner.

It is painful to be apart but you really need to make sure it the right thing to do. Family is hard to leave but that should not be the determining factor. Your relationship being at that point should. I also told my SO that I would never leave my home for a BF but I would gladly do so for my husband.

You are in the both in the USA, you could end up living in any state. It does not have to be yours or his. I just don't feel it has been enough time yet. Five months in, if this subject had come up to my SO, he would have not wanted to consider it either, or me. You don't move to just see if things will work out for good, you move when they already are. Many people try to fix problems by moving end up making them ten times worse.

[Dziubka]

It's not actually ALL about him, he's only a small part. I have family back East. I've been trying to get back East for awhile now (since I've visited in 2012, but never really got into gear on it). This just seems like a kind of kick in the butt, so to speak to do more.

In that case I agree with dizzyupthemeg, silvermoonfairy and conejita_hada and I don't really understand your question.

If you have plenty of reason to move closer to him and not much that is keeping you where you are now. Then try it?


I chose my uni partly because it was near where my then boyfriend lived. We had only been dating for 5 months and back then, too but seeing as I was free to move anywhere I wanted and that university offered my major/minor combination and was free, I moved there. We ended up breaking my after my first year but I still don't regret having moved there. (Although I'm also glad I don't live there anymore )