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should i give up or keep trying?

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    #1

    should i give up or keep trying?

    so we just had a talk... im 21 and hes 23 and he really wants to have a family (kids and stuff) he wants it really bad, he was supposed to come see me in december but i dont think hes going to anymore. he knows i dont want to get pregnant yet cause i wanna be married before and finish university ...and when i asked him what did he want, he said he wasnt sure so i told him that if he wasnt sure then he obviously didnt love me enough to wait for me and well he said something like he didnt wanna waste lets say 10 years of his life waiting for me cause he wanted to make memories cause hes only gonna live once blah blah... so i told him to go find another girl then and that i was sorry for making him waste his time ....i was getting really upset and then he just left. he always always leaves when we argue or something like that, weve already broken up 2 times before and we havent met in person yet. im always the one who tries to makes things ok and im just tired of that, i feel like all he cares about is him and he doesnt care about me or my feelings... i really wanna be with him but im tired of him being so selfish should i just let it go and move on or keep trying to make it work? keeping in mind that im not gonna just have kids for his sake cause im not ready yet.
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    #2
    I think it makes sense to finish your studies first. You're only 21 you have so much time for that. You haven't met yet and he's forcing decisions like that already? That seems odd to me.

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      #3
      Yeah the fact that you haven't met yet and he wants all these big life decisions done already isn't good. And the fact he just leave after an argument shows he definitely isn't mature enough to be a father yet. If he isn't going to budge, then maybe you should move on because finishing school is very important. Hopefully things work out for the better~


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        #4
        Originally posted by Redheart14 View Post
        I think it makes sense to finish your studies first. You're only 21 you have so much time for that. You haven't met yet and he's forcing decisions like that already? That seems odd to me.

        i know i just dont know what to do

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          #5
          Originally posted by Noodle View Post
          Yeah the fact that you haven't met yet and he wants all these big life decisions done already isn't good. And the fact he just leave after an argument shows he definitely isn't mature enough to be a father yet. If he isn't going to budge, then maybe you should move on because finishing school is very important. Hopefully things work out for the better~

          he almost always leaves after an argument or he just stays quiet :/ ive tried to move on before but its really hard cause i really love him

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            #6
            Originally posted by sadness View Post
            i know i just dont know what to do
            Run! Red flags all around.

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              #7
              I don't have anything to add here, I just wanted to show you that another person feels the same as everyone who already replied. Red flags galore. Time to move on.

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                #8
                Sorry hun time to move on!

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                  #9
                  You still have plenty of time to just date. Stand your ground or you could end up a broke single mom and heart broken to boot. You don't push people you care about into these things. There are steps that need to happen. First you meet, then you date and finish school. Then you get engaged when you are ready. Then you have babies when ready. There is no backsies for this. This is a lifelong commitment, kids are yours forever even when grown.

                  He is acting quite immature and irresponsible. He needs to grow up and learn some things cannot be rushed just because you want it now. For the sake of your future child and your education, now is not the time. You also don't want someone that shuts down whenever bad things happen becoming your baby's father right now. Kids are not easy at times. Playing house and mommy and daddy does sound lovely but until you are both ready it could be a nightmare. He needs to accept this or you should walk now.
                  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                  Benjamin Franklin

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                    #10
                    You haven't met, and he is already planning out your whole future... That is way too soon. And especially since he seems upset that your dreams are not all the same, and shuts down in conflict. It is not dangerous to disagree. Some prefer to let the other one be in charge. But if he should make decitions in your household, he better have a strong and clever plan to make you all happy. Right now he sounds rather more like a sulky child playing house.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



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                      #11
                      I have to agree on most people that have replied on how... strange it seems that he's planning on all of this without you guy having even met. I mean, it IS something that I think needs to get talked about in a relationship. Whether to have a family or not is something I think both parties need to agree with. If you tell him you're not ready for this yet, he should accept that. Especially if you haven't even met yet. Before we started dating, my BF and I had a talk about these things. What we want for our future, when we'd both like to have kids (not together since we weren't dating yet) and all of those things. We agreed on that we'd both like to have a life before we settle down to raise a family. I think that was something important we agree on, because if we plan on having a future together I wouldn't want us to disagree on something like when we'd like to start raising a family, because that would only bring up major arguments.

                      I can't tell you whether you should go ahead and break up with him or try and work things out. I will say I have (sort of) been in the same situation as you are with my ex. He wanted to have a kid when I was 18 (he was 20) and I told him no. I think you should try to talk things out with him and make him understand your reasoning behind your decision. But honestly if he still doesn't want to understand your point and is adamant about it, i'd say just let things go.

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                        #12
                        thanks everyone for the advice

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by Noodle View Post
                          Yeah the fact that you haven't met yet and he wants all these big life decisions done already isn't good. And the fact he just leave after an argument shows he definitely isn't mature enough to be a father yet. If he isn't going to budge, then maybe you should move on because finishing school is very important. Hopefully things work out for the better~
                          I agree,your school comes first,if he really did care about you,then he would be patient and wait for you to get done with your school,I would say that I would not try anymore,he's obvisly not ready to settle down and be a father.

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                            #14
                            He should try babysitting a few babies with colic and it might change his mind in a heartbeat. No more nights out whenever you want. All free money goes for diapers, binkys, formula ( if needed), new clothes,they grow like weeds, and a billion other things. Taking turns getting up about 4-6 times a night and sleeping only when the baby sleeps. Countless doctor appointments and then onward to the screaming toddler years.....do you really think he can handle that when he can't even handle being told no?
                            Last edited by Hollandia; September 27, 2014, 11:03 AM.
                            "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                            Benjamin Franklin

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Hollandia View Post
                              He should try babysitting a few babies with colic and it might change his mind in a heartbeat. No more nights out whenever you want. All free money goes for diapers, binkys, formula ( if needed), new clothes,they grow like weeds, and a billion other things. Taking turns getting up about 4-6 times a night and sleeping only when the baby sleeps. Countless doctor appointments and then onward to the screaming toddler years.....do you really think he can handle that when he can't even handle being told no?
                              the thing is he can handle it...he has 3 baby siblings and he takes care of them for a week or 2 every month and he loves it, i know hed be an awesome father im just not ready yet

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