Love vs Dreams pt. 2

[Cristiana]

Here I am again, still thinking about that struggle I had on August, about "love vs dreams", the fact I want to live in US in the near future and my SO doesnt. Anyway here's the link to the thread https://members.lovingfromadistance....Love-vs-Dreams

Now I have clearer ideas. I started my second-last year of high school and time is passing so quick day after day, so Im focusing on what to do once I'll finish high school and Im doing lots of research on how to move to US, get a job there, etc.
My idea is to take a tattoo course after high school, then go to the Academy of Fine Arts in Rome, move there and find two or three roommates untill I'll be finished - the whole trip from my city to Rome each day will be exhausting; take a degree in graphics since it's the sector that would allow me to work and meanwhile make money making tattoos.
Once I'll take the degree, I want to seriously start the whole visa stuff.

This all means that my LDR will last 6 more years if everything goes well, and after that, we will have to take a choice. My biggest dream would be moving there with him, the love of my life, the guy that made me feel something new, something special, something deep. The guy I see myself with for my entire life.
But I also love myself, so if moving there is something he really doesnt want to do because of precise and serious reasons, I guess I'll have to chase my dreams on my own. Even if only the thought of leaving him, drives me crazy.

Have you ever given up on someone you thought was very special, was the only one, because of similar reasons? The classic cliché "they both love each other but for some reason they cant be together"? If yes, have you changed your minds after that? How did it go?

I know some of you may think Im thinking too forward, Im young and everything can happen, etc. And I tell you I know this, but in the same time I have to think about my future even if this means planning something that will happen in 5 years. Im a person who likes making programs or plans and follow them. I spent many years without knowing what to do in a future, and still most of teenagers dont know what they're gonna do with their lives. Well Im not one of them.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I think it's smart and makes sense to focus on the long-term things that will help you work toward your goals, ie, your degree.
And, as much as you don't necessarily want to hear it, 6 years is a long time, and many things could change in that period. You and your partner could grow apart and then he might not even be factored into you moving.

I haven't given up on a partner I was in love with/thought was special for a big dream, but I also don't have very specific big dreams like you do. Mine have always been a bit more fluid, and wouldn't necessarily be incompatible with my partner's wants. If they were, I'd have to think pretty seriously on it.

That said, I have a feeling I'll be in the minority on this, but it depends on priorities. If my bigger priority was my happy relationship, I probably wouldn't pursue the dream. If my big dream was my higher priority, then I would. Most people usually say pursue dreams, don't let a partner get in the way of your future, etc. but I only find that true to an extent. If my dream is a happy lifelong relationship with that person, I might be pretty flexible on my future things. Happy relationships with the person you love are a different kind of dream, and one that I find no less valid.

BUT, I wouldn't let it come in the way of things totally. Like I wouldn't have not completed my education, or something.

Personally, I think you should let things go how they will for now, relationship-wise. Go with your plan of getting a degree, and if in 6 years things are still going strong with your guy and you still completely want to move to America, *then* you can discuss with him that you still want to move to the US and it's a dealbreaker for you to stay in Europe, and you'll decide between the two of you if breaking up is the answer.

[Cristiana]

That said, I have a feeling I'll be in the minority on this, but it depends on priorities. If my bigger priority was my happy relationship, I probably wouldn't pursue the dream. If my big dream was my higher priority, then I would. Most people usually say pursue dreams, don't let a partner get in the way of your future, etc. but I only find that true to an extent. If my dream is a happy lifelong relationship with that person, I might be pretty flexible on my future things. Happy relationships with the person you love are a different kind of dream, and one that I find no less valid.

I totally agree with this. Having a strong and lifelong relationship can also be a dream itself and also a priority in someone's life, so in that case a move somewhere is in the second place. But my biggest goal in life, although Im an helpless romantic always researching for love, is being satisfied with my independent life and my career. This doesnt mean I'll always put myself first and I'll prefer to stay always alone. But Id rather be if the relationship hinders my main goal

Personally, I think you should let things go how they will for now, relationship-wise. Go with your plan of getting a degree, and if in 6 years things are still going strong with your guy and you still completely want to move to America, *then* you can discuss with him that you still want to move to the US and it's a dealbreaker for you to stay in Europe, and you'll decide between the two of you if breaking up is the answer.

Agree also with this. I'll definitely do this way