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    #1

    New relationship

    Hello, I am completely new to LDRs and I'm not sure what to do. I recently met a man online who lives in Australia. I live in California. We've talked a bunch of times, including FaceTime, so I know he's a real person in case there's any questions about that.

    Dating for me has been a painful struggle for almost two years. I had come close to establishing a new relationship in the past, but the guy ended up being the wrong match. Then I met D. He is kind, considerate, communicative, and I feel that we really care about each other. We've talked about meeting in person but that won't happen for at least six months for financial reasons. He asked me just the other day if I would eventually consider moving to Australia to be with him. I told him the idea terrified me right now because I'd be leaving home, but I had thought about the possibility.

    I'm conflicted because he seems to be the only decent guy I've met in a long time, but not being able to actually see or be with him feels incredibly lonely. I have a busy schedule that includes a great career, friends, and my family, but I've been ready to commit for a while now and doing things by myself is getting old. It seems silly if I end things with him because of distance, but the lack of physical contact (not necessarily the sexual kind) is so much harder to take than I thought. Anyone else been in this situation? Thank you for your input.
    Tags: new relationship overseas
    #2
    If he makes you feel this way, that's a good thing! I took a risk with my SO and I've never been happier. If you can't see him for 6 months there's no reason you can't use this time to really get to know him better beforehand right? I'd give it a chance to see how things develop. Long distance isn't easy but if it's the right person, nothing else compares to the feeling when you're finally reunited again.

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      #3
      For me the hardest part is the lack of human contact, being able to give and receive hugs, and the like is the hardest part - and so an LDR for me is tough. Emotionally I can cope, as it the way I handle things anyway, but the loneliness is a big issue for me, so large amounts of online communication helps me, even though due to schedules and the like we don't often get to talk.

      But ultimately you need to work out if you can cope without those things and if the person on the other side of the globe is worth it for the other ways that they make you feel.

      I noticed that you said he has asked you to move, is he able or willing to do so as well?

      I found I had to be really careful not to project feelings onto the idea of the person, rather than the person themselves - you can get a perfect picture of a person when you only see glimpses of their lives, and fall in love with the idea of them more than actually them, if you are not careful - I am not saying you are doing this, but you mentioned you were ready to settle down, and fed up of doing things alone, so when you find some-one you feel you could, you might want to be careful you are not emotionally be rushing in.

      If the man is a good as you suggest in your first post, then he could well be worth it, just take it slowly and see how it all pans out. If he still makes you feel great then look at the next steps a little down the line, try not to think about all of it all at once now. It is something I am guilty of myself, and it can become overwhelming if you do!

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        #4
        LDR is about loneliness. But also, because of the distance and lack of physical contact, you can get to know each other in ways that are also important. You can talk and ask questions. The fact that you are talking about a future together is good. Of course leaving home terrifies you, you have not yet held him or seen where he lives, of course you feel like that. It might be different once you see each other. But you don't have to think about moving just yet
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #5
          Who is going to move where is a later issue, right now just enjoy getting to know each other and look at planning a visit. Even if it can't happen for six months, making up a budget and figuring out the best route to take will take a while and can actually be quite fun. Being alone is hard, and waiting is hard, and generally it doesn't get easier after a visit but it definitely shows you whether it's all worth it or not. There is quite a lot of advice on how to cope around here if you start digging a little, and ideas for Skype dates and what not, so have a look around. And welcome!
          We part only to meet again ~ J.Gay

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by p_b82 View Post
            For me the hardest part is the lack of human contact, being able to give and receive hugs, and the like is the hardest part - and so an LDR for me is tough. Emotionally I can cope, as it the way I handle things anyway, but the loneliness is a big issue for me, so large amounts of online communication helps me, even though due to schedules and the like we don't often get to talk.

            But ultimately you need to work out if you can cope without those things and if the person on the other side of the globe is worth it for the other ways that they make you feel.

            I noticed that you said he has asked you to move, is he able or willing to do so as well?

            I found I had to be really careful not to project feelings onto the idea of the person, rather than the person themselves - you can get a perfect picture of a person when you only see glimpses of their lives, and fall in love with the idea of them more than actually them, if you are not careful - I am not saying you are doing this, but you mentioned you were ready to settle down, and fed up of doing things alone, so when you find some-one you feel you could, you might want to be careful you are not emotionally be rushing in.

            If the man is a good as you suggest in your first post, then he could well be worth it, just take it slowly and see how it all pans out. If he still makes you feel great then look at the next steps a little down the line, try not to think about all of it all at once now. It is something I am guilty of myself, and it can become overwhelming if you do!
            I agree,I do this all the time,I also miss having the human contact of being able to give and receive hugs and kisses,that's why I cherish every moment that we are together,my bf has been to my house once so far,but every moment we were together,I cherished,I just wish time didn't have to always go by so fast.

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