Texting

[Polly]

My boyfriend has a really demanding job that takes up all of his time. He barely has any free time to have a social life even because of this job.

There are some days when I don't hear from him at all. No text. Nothing. We talk via video chat once a week though. It does bother me though when on the other days when I don't hear from him. Even a simple text would do.

He told me some days he's just too focused to message me. I often have to initiate our messages.

He told me I'm being dramatic by asking for more communication, like I'm making a big deal out of it.

For me, I need daily contact of some sort to feel close to someone in a relationship. Otherwise, I will start to feel disconnected, like we're barely involved in each other's lives. Without daily contact, our relationship, I feel, can and is starting to disintegrate.

I'm already feeling estranged from him.
I brought up some of these points, and he feels I'm being dramatic. He said he will try his best to communicate with me but sometimes it won't be possible (meaning a whole day or days with none or minimal texting) due to work.

Am I being overly dramatic?

I'm starting to feel really unsatisfied. That our relationship is completely un fulfilling, I'm unhappy, and am losing hope I can do this (we have to be long distance for another 2 years)

[snow_girl]

If you feel like you need daily contact then it shouldn't matter if you have to be the first to contact him during the day. You said he is busy, when I'm busy at work or school I don't look at my phone for hours. Texting isn't a game, just send him a "Hey, how's your day going?" and I'm sure you'll hear from him, but waiting around for him when you need more is silly. Take control of what you need.

[Redheart14]

If you feel like you need daily contact then it shouldn't matter if you have to be the first to contact him during the day. You said he is busy, when I'm busy at work or school I don't look at my phone for hours. Texting isn't a game, just send him a "Hey, how's your day going?" and I'm sure you'll hear from him, but waiting around for him when you need more is silly. Take control of what you need.

I agree, with snow_girl! Yes, he is busy but sometimes seeing a text from you might give him that reminder to text you. It's so easy to get caught up, if you're sitting waiting for him to text he might forget. Just try a text during the day, that's what I would do.

[Polly]

I agree, with snow_girl! Yes, he is busy but sometimes seeing a text from you might give him that reminder to text you. It's so easy to get caught up, if you're sitting waiting for him to text he might forget. Just try a text during the day, that's what I would do.

I quite often do that, text him first if I get the sense he's too busy or distracted too, but sometimes, he's even too busy to respond with much and then it's clear he's too busy to carry much of a conversation, or he'll tell me he can't text right now, which is fine, but when he's too busy to text me, that usually means he's too busy to text back. It works best when I try later at night, but sometimes he works till very late.

I don't know, it does get old, when I'm always the one reaching out, but if that's how it's going to be, then I'll have to make it work.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I don't necessarily disagree with the other two posters, but I find it problematic that he's brushing off your desire for more communication as "dramatic" and not necessarily helping give what you need.

You can try putting it on him a little more, by saying something like "I know you're super busy with work, but I do need to have more contact for this relationship to feel fulfilling. What would be a good way to compromise so I can hear from you more often?" And let him make a suggestion, so it's not something you're 'forcing' on him. Maybe he gets into a routine where he texts you when he gets off work to say goodnight, or he sends you one when he leaves in the morning, or whatnot.

If he's not willing to give more communication and you need more communication, it's no one's fault, but as you say, it can make you feel disconnected. And at that point, is it really worth it? It might be worth thinking about whether this is going to work if he can't manage to send you a 20-second text in the course of an entire day.

[butterfly712]

I agree with silver moon fairy,does he have a facebook account?If he does maybe you can talk on there,that's how I communicate with my bf daily,we go on facebook to talk all night.

[Redheart14]

^ similar to that, what about emailing him at work. That might be easier (depending if he works in an office).

[R&R]

I can understand your frustration. My SO owns his own company and he has on his van "24 Hour Emergency Service". Needless to say, there is never a set schedule for the poor guy. Some days I get lots of communication, some days I'm lucky that I get one text. I've gotten used to 2am phone calls because that's when he's driving home. He's had to cancel his last 2 trips to visit due to finishing projects.

I don't think you're being overly dramatic. However, you have to decide if you want him and the relationship enough to stay in it knowing this is how it's going to be. Some people need more communication and some don't need nearly as much. If it's going to make you more unhappy to stay, then you need to move on. If you think it's something about how he interacts with you that you can accept, then continue with the relationship.

[rhabdoviridae]

I don't see how someone can be so busy that they literally do not have the five seconds it takes to send one text message saying something as simple as, "Thinking of you" or "Love you" or whatever. I frequently go 12 hour days (and sometimes longer) without checking my phone; texting is not an integral part of communication in our relationship. But we talk every night on Facetime because we each make the time. The fact that he chooses not to find a small sliver of time out of each day to just say hello is a bit of a red flag to me. I can't imagine two more years of LDR without solid communication skills.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I don't see how someone can be so busy that they literally do not have the five seconds it takes to send one text message saying something as simple as, "Thinking of you" or "Love you" or whatever.

This.
Text it on the way to your bathroom break.
It's basically "I can't be bothered to put in 30 seconds of effort to make you happy", which.. not really a good sign.

I've dated people who work on-call in 24 hour shifts, I've dated people who aren't allowed to use non-company devices within the office (due to security regulations - govt. agency), my current SO has gone through periods of working 7 days a week for 12+ hours between PhD, teaching, and article writing... if someone wants to get in touch with you, they find a way.

Not to say that if they don't find a way they don't care about you, it just indicates that either they're a) a bit selfish and won't make that compromise for a partner or b) independent (or immature) in a way that indicates they might not be the best fit for someone who likes more communication.