My support agency screwed me over royally. Or maybe I screwed me!

[Peter A]

This is a really confusing mess of a story, so try to keep up (if you can).

I have had support for several years from a charity in Scotland, because I have autism and I am 28 now. I live in a supported flat where flat 1 is their office and the staff do sleepovers. Most people sadly do not stay in this type of work for long, but I do get attached to people who help me quite a lot. I am very fond of the guys as well, so it is not just sexual attraction that draws me to the females. But yes, that can be an issue.

Last year, I had a woman called Joanna banned from working with me for a while, because I text her asking her to date me due to the fact my storied ex-girlfriend Laura had mucked me around, after I spent a lot of time and money trying to keep her by my side, but it to me was no big deal saying that to Joanna, although I sort of agree it is not professional to chase after women who support me (because there are restrictions in place).

I am sorry if she was at all offended by it. I ended up getting banned from working with her for good after some "trial" shift took place, because I felt the bosses who organize the support rota (who are referred to as seniors) had been dishonest about future shifts with her and I went on Facebook to post about her as I was annoyed about 2013 being a miserable year. So I overreacted, I guess, so it was my fault way back then. Shame on me. I may give them the benefit of the doubt they were maybe not lying then (even if I still think they were). This Andrew guy certainly was a snake in the grass.

Anyway, I had another lady who is Spanish supporting me for months, called Sara, and she had the role of being my key worker. And being that she was quite nice and friendly, and women from Madrid are hot, I grew to like her too, but in an unhealthy way. She knew I liked her, because I had words with a male worker and he blabbed to somebody about me. The lame part is - he (Robert) was my top male support worker, as we played snooker and pool a lot. You could say he was like a coach.

Before Christmas last year, Sara and I had a shift, but I called her "petal" in a text message so she run roughshod about the boundaries, plus she revealed others knew I liked her. After that day, Sara was cold and mean whenever she worked with me. A few months into 2014, I had her taken from my support team abruptly and Andrew who co-ordinated the rota for my shifts acted smug and tried to say she was still my key worker for weeks when I asked where she was, but he was clearly lying and Sara was giving me odd looks sometimes. Then I got rather suspicious and wound up emailing Sara something inappropriate, so I got told at a meeting I could no longer work with her. That really upset me.

After this, I was left feeling hurt and life felt lonesome. I rarely saw Sara around and when I did, she ran off or acted mean-spirited towards me. But Joanna had been cool with me, for a while, in spite of the fact I was no longer allowed to work with her except seeing her during sleepovers, as it is not one to one like a shift usually would be. However, I looked up Joanna's address online once it become apparent her bosses would not bring her back to my team, as I went insane in the membrane you could say and then she went, and turned on me too.

But...

I grew highly agitated and totally frustrated more and more, until the point I just blew up. I spent all my shifts with everyone moaning about the same old stuff. It was boring. I got to say sorry to the ladies in front of the big cheese one time, but it still hurt I was not allowed to work with them any longer. I only wanted to leave them with happy, fun and positive memories.

Eventually, in July, I learned Sara had a boyfriend because we went to a charity event with various bands doing gigs and in spite of the past animosity between us, I desired for her to be my key worker again. Only she acted mean, yet again, by refusing to read a support plan I typed up for her to look at. She embarrassed me in front of my neighbour. I ended up kicking off and broke a wine bottle. I got arrested, but bailed by the cops.

A few days later, I got arrested a second time after telling Joanna on Facebook I planned to do a pornographic movie with a woman I found through a model agency. I was then found by police yards from where she lives that morning after I emailed people saying I would commit suicide but go see Joanna first, but I was actually just sitting in a park near her home, feeling low, and then two pigs were driving in a van and saw me walking just as I left the premises. They detained me then interviewed me and arrested me. I was let go and giving a non harassment order in court the next day. About a week later, I emailed Sara similar messages and acted racist, in an unintentional way, so I ended up remanded in jail. This was the first time I had been in jail. I was in prison for 2 weeks.

Not long after I got out of jail, I ended up contacting Joanna and Sara on Facebook, offering an apology to both. This resulted in me being arrested again but I got bailed. So a few weeks went by and I got upset about missing them, so I tried to apologize to them again, by going back and registering on Facebook. As the staff had been told to ring up 9-9-9 or 1-0-1 right away if I breached my bail terms, I got arrested again after my own mother shopped me in the swing park near her house. I got sent back to jail, where I remained for a little over 2 weeks!

I seriously doubt I'll get to work with Joanna and Sara again. It really does hurt. But I can go back to my flat next week. The other support workers are still willing to support me. My lawyer was concerned I may do something dumb again, because he thinks that is a possibility. Some support workers have said I've been getting better. However, my next court date is in December and I get urges to write to the ladies again, thus if I do that, the judge will come down on me hard.

I also know where they both live. This chaos also resulted in me losing my money and my laptop. I had to stay with my parents for ages. Because I borrowed money, I am owe them a lot of cash now. Well over £200 now, in fact.

What is there I can do to get over all of this grief?

[differentcountries]

Perhaps this can help you: https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/help...is-new-partner

[Dezface]

Do you receive counseling at your support agency?

[BlueCat]

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. You're clearly upset about not being able to work with those two support workers, but it's through you're own actions that it's no longer possible. Keep yourself distracted, focus on other things, December isn't far away.

[Peter A]

I've been living with my family, all because they need some stupid letter as proof I can legally return to my flat. That's rather annoying.

[TaraMarie]

You should definitely be in some type of therapy, if you aren't already. Going to jail would be a huge deterrent for most people. It seems like you don't really care about consequences. Please find a dr who can help you. Good luck.

[Peter A]

Why? They won't care. They get paid to listen to people and say clearly obvious things. You can hear that from ANYONE. I had to see a guy like this for the court. He jotted a few notes down, asked me if I was like this all the time and that was it. They don't care. They see way too many people all being the same way.

[digitalfever]

You told someone that you were going to do a porn film? Dude that's called sexual harassment.

[Lissy]

You don't seem to understand that your behaviour is making these women uncomfortable. You say that you understand it is inappropriate for you to be pursuing these women who are only supposed to work with you on a professional level, but you are continuing to do these inappropriate things.

It's obvious you don't want to hear it, but you DO need to be in some sort of therapy program, with a therapist who can help you recognise these behaviours and see why they are problematic, and then help you correct them before you follow through. Not all therapists are there to listen and give advice -- there are people out there whose job it is to help you modify your thinking and behaviour.

I agree that, in a way, your support agency has let you down. There was some error in judgment in how they approached your situation and they should have taken action to get you into a program that would help you, or at the very least, paired you up with a counselor to speak with so that you would have some one-on-one support until something else could be arranged. But you are an adult now and you have to take responsibility for your actions. Yes, your Autism plays a huge role in how you interact with people and handle social situations - I'm not passing judgment, it's just a fact - but being abusive toward these women by making sexual remarks, threatening to harm yourself, harassing them on facebook...it's not only inappropriate on a professional level, but a personal one as well. These things you are doing would make ANY person uncomfortable and upset.

I really hope you reach out for help from a professional, or that someone helps you make arrangements. Show this thread to your family, or your support agency, or whomever, and maybe they will get a better understanding of what's going on if they are able to read your thought process and the responses to them from members here.

Until then, I strongly encourage you to check out the forums at Psych Central. There are people there who can offer you a lot more advice and support about your specific issues than the people here, as this forum's focus is relationships and not disorders and mental health issues. Here is a link to a sub-forum on Psych Central specifically for those who are on the Autism Spectrum: https://forums.psychcentral.com/auti...gers-syndrome/

If I seemed harsh, I apologise, but I really think you need a reality check and better support in your life to suit your individual needs. I wish you luck.

[differentcountries]

Why? They won't care. They get paid to listen to people and say clearly obvious things. You can hear that from ANYONE. I had to see a guy like this for the court. He jotted a few notes down, asked me if I was like this all the time and that was it. They don't care. They see way too many people all being the same way.

No, that is not how it works. Clearly you are misinformed. The guy didn't give you therapy, he was interviewing you for court. Therapy lasts one hour, often once a week for some time. You should get someone with experience with your problems.

That might give you insight into why you half dont understand that you are hurting people, and even when you do understand you seem unable to stop your fixation.

[Peter A]

Fair enough: I may have compounded the situation by crushing on the females who supported me. I had identical issues many years ago with a few nice looking girls who worked in a shop beside of me. I only pay for sex now and then, as I am not confident to chat up ladies in any environment and I am socially anxious. Now, the girls in that shop were attractive.

It was the case that they had boyfriends already and they were not for latching onto, and seeing them was tough, as I was infatuated with the both of them. As funny as this may sound, one of them was working as a screw (guard) in the Saughton prison, where I was remanded and she remembered me, but that was not the one I pushed into the stack of DVDs. Thank God!

My personal life back then consisted of only using message boards to engage in some banter. I assaulted the girl in December of 2006 and got booted from the shop I was in. The problem was, I never stayed gone. I would go back in and be awkward. Perhaps I should have said nothing to the male worker about Sara last year, but it is just because I trusted him. Even nowadays, I will go online and pass the day, but that is not healthy. It ruins your eyesight and also prevents you getting out meeting people. Sure, it may lead to that if you spend hours upon hours flirting on Tagged or Facebook. If you are lucky, you may pull somebody, but do not expect to. These websites are generally full of egotistical loners.

Somebody on another forum thought it would have been more polite for the guy worker to let me know in advance that he intended to grass on me. That way, I would have been more prepared and maybe not acted the way I did with my text messages, as her bosses very likely would have said to 'watch out' and report back what I act like on her shifts. And it shows, because when I messed up, she went and turned on me. Rather than be nice and sweet like she was when I first worked with her, she went the opposite way, probably in some attempt to keep me at bay and put me off from being all sweet and what you may have saw as being in love with her. This change in her mood would upset me and I would shout back at her. But I never shouted at her to be mean. It was her attitude. Then I lost her, felt people lied to me and she only got worse.

Sure, she only was by my side for several months as part of her job, but I get disgusted by people who treat you nice because they are employed to do so. Is that not the same thing as going through the motions?

"OK. It is me job and I got to make U all feel great. But flirt with me and I will severe all ties."

Um, no ta. No ta at all - actually!

[differentcountries]

"OK. It is me job and I got to make U all feel great. But flirt with me and I will severe all ties."

Um, no ta. No ta at all - actually!

You seem very annoyed by things that to others is just life. Sometimes we meet people through work and sexual or romantic feelings develop. Often that doesn't work out too well, although sometimes it does. I got together with SO because he was my waiter. But there are several things that made that ok: 1) He initiated it (giving me signals it was ok to go beyond the proffesional level) 2) it was mutual 3) it did not interfere with his work. In YOUR situation, however: 1) You did the initiating 2) none of the girls were interested and they told you so 3) the whole thing interfered with their work. They felt so uncomfortable that they could not manage working with you. As the others said, probably the agency did some mistakes in the process, but you are still responsible for what you do, which is harassment you have even been to jail for several times.

If you find it that difficult to be around attractive women, perhaps you should make sure you engage mosty with men? BTW everything you write here tells me you generally have trouble seeing your own role in the situation, so you easily put the blame on others. You have higher expectations of others than you have of yourself when it comes to managing difficult feelings, for instance anger. Also, you expect people to step out of their proffesional role when it suits you that they should become your best friend/lover, those fairytale/porn-like dreams are distructive for you social life. Listen to yourself; you want them to be sweet to you and they are, but when they reject your advances you call them fake, and when they try to protect themselves from your pursuit/harassment by distancing themselves and withdrawing the sweet interaction you crave, you say that they have attitude. When you survail their house and they feel threatened, you hardly feel any remorse. You admire their looks and personalities, but you don't really care how they feel, that is not love.

[Peter A]

Yes, but I have never intended to hurt them. They are two great women and I love them to pieces. So it hurts not having them around any more. The whole point of me bugging them and moaning to people is because I only wanted to go back to how it was between us prior to losing them. It is that obscure and far into things now in a legal way, that I hardly even know what started what and when. All I know is I am shafted, must do what I am ordered to, or I am finished.

I will confess that nobody should rule out that possibility of me hurting somebody. I may go cuckoo if I get rejected. That is not fair. Jealous men are dangerous men. You would not want to see me be giving a label like that. It is not me.

[p_b82]

Much as I hate to say it, but I do not think that a LDR forum is the right place for you to be venting your frustration at a situation that is not about a relationship, but your infatuation.

I believe that you need more support, and due to your behaviour it should only come from male carers from now on, and I suggest you request some therapy from your support workers so that you can try to alter your behaviour towards women, as it is going to continue to leave you in this cycle if you do not work out a way of taking responsibility for your actions and behaviour.

Yes I think you have been let down by the system, but I do not think you have been helping yourself at all either.

[TaraMarie]

Much as I hate to say it, but I do not think that a LDR forum is the right place for you to be venting your frustration at a situation that is not about a relationship, but your infatuation.

I believe that you need more support, and due to your behaviour it should only come from male carers from now on, and I suggest you request some therapy from your support workers so that you can try to alter your behaviour towards women, as it is going to continue to leave you in this cycle if you do not work out a way of taking responsibility for your actions and behaviour.

Yes I think you have been let down by the system, but I do not think you have been helping yourself at all either.

I was going to say the exact same thing. Get off the message board and go get help. You need to see a professional. I think you are a ticking time bomb and you WILL self destruct. Your problems run deep, and only a professional can help you. You stalk and assault women. You have no regard for consequences. You've been in prison. You are in deeply troubled. I hope you find the help you need.