When the Honey Moon phase ends

[gelica_per]

So I am very new to the LDR thing and so is my relationship. We met a month ago on-line and immediately clicked. Our first date was meeting up at a family BBQ where I was able to meet most of his paternal family including his dad and grandparents. I was blown away that after only chatting for a few days that he would invite me to such an intimate party where all his family was. We had an amazing first two days together while he was in town.
After he left our connection grew stronger and we communicated non-stop. We both established what we wanted in a relationship which made us match even more. He swept me off of my feet and made me feel like I could trust him with my life. The sweet messages, and the daily selfies made it so easy to feel safe and wanted. We face-timed all the time as we as called each other every second that we could. Within the month he had already made the trip to come see me again and we decided that it will be my turn next.
I was very nervous to see him again and I think that my nervousness got the best f me because I was a bit shy while he was here. I was all of a sudden aware that I was in a relationship again and I got scared because of how I have been hurt before. Non the less we had a great 4 days together and of course when it came time to say good bye I was a mess. I hid this part from him because I am extremely emotional and I didn't want to freak him out. But I was open and sincere with him and let him know that I wanted a serious committed relationship and he agreed and said he wanted to continue this relationship.
Since he left (2 weeks) I have noticed that he has been a bit different than before. I understand that the honey moon phase is over and now that we have established ourselves as a couple, normal life takes control. But my emotional side always takes control. I over think things and over analyze why he doesn't respond or call like he used to. I know that his job is very demanding and he works around 10-12 hours a day which makes him go to bed super early. I know that we both have our own lives and I give him as much space as I can but I can not help but to be scared and confused to the sudden change. I have been open with him and told him how I feel, he was very understanding and supportive but I still feel a little bit of a distance from him.
I don't know the rules of a LDR and sometimes I think that I am trying to hard. I have figured that he knows that I am here to support him and to put in my part in this relationship so there may be no need to remind him everyday, but in the end I want to know if this is normal. I don't want to waste my time and I definitely don't want to get hurt anymore.
Am I worrying too much?

[snow_girl]

I've been with my so 6 months and wee ate still very much in the honey moon stage. You should talk to him because for the honeymoon stage to be over as soon as you become official seems ridiculous. Maybe he isn't sure he's ready for the long distance commitment, there's lots of things it could be but there shouldn't be issues of feeling this way so early into your relationship. Talk to him. Tell him you know what you're feeling might sound silly but you're going to tell him so he can out your mind at ease

[Redheart14]

I think you're worrying too much. Being apart after a visit is the hardest thing, he might be experiencing post visit Blues too and that's why he's a little quite. You're still communicating by the sounds of things and you've been upfront about your feelings and he's acknowledged that. LDR's are hard and do take some tweaking if you will or an adjustment period. Is this his first LDR too? Some people deal with distance after a visit in different ways, some become even closer and texting and contact intensifies and others try to hide their sadness by throwing themselves into work. Or he could just genuinely be busy at work. This is the first parting since being an official couple and that's bound to make things hard for both of you, being a couple then having to be apart which is something foregin for you both in terms of relationships seeing this is your first LDR. Just give it some time, for both of you. If he's still talking to you and you're communicating frequently I think it's ok.

[differentcountries]

The moneymoon doesn't end after 1 month. But yes, when he works a lot he has obligations. He may also miss you and that could make him more distant. If he doesn't want to talk about it the same way you do, you should respect that.

I think it is nice that you want to figure out how things work. Still, in the first months of the relationship it can be hard to tell. This is the time where you get to know each other, and you find out how the logistics around your contact should be. If he works a lot during the week, perhaps one or two days in the weekends coud be where you set aside more time for each other? Then also it might be easier to talk things over for real. Don't give up just yet.

[snow_girl]

Freudian slip, differentcountries?

[Petals]

Hi there,

You guys started out pretty intense so it is not unusual that any change in intensity will be noticeable. Sometimes when we are caught up in a whirlwind affair we move with the direction of the wind without enough thought. At some point we have to take a step back and assess the decisions that have been made. This reflection period is a good thing, but the results are not always good for everyone involved. Sometimes we find that the motivation behind the decisions we made while on a high are ones we can live with and other times we realize that they are not in our best interests.

The honeymoon period lasts way beyond a month so...

What I am saying is that he is most likely in this reflection mode. Give him the time and space to do that. You have told him how you feel, now step back and let him absorb all that has happened and you will know the result soon. It is a difficult time due to the uncertainty, but get busy and you will be ok...ride out this period as it often comes with a new relationship. Just don't get clingy now...live your life. He will seek you out with as much intensity as he did only a few weeks ago if he still wants to pursue a serious relationship with you.

All the best

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Hi there,

You guys started out pretty intense so it is not unusual that any change in intensity will be noticeable. Sometimes when we are caught up in a whirlwind affair we move with the direction of the wind without enough thought. At some point we have to take a step back and assess the decisions that have been made. This reflection period is a good thing, but the results are not always good for everyone involved. Sometimes we find that the motivation behind the decisions we made while on a high are ones we can live with and other times we realize that they are not in our best interests.

The honeymoon period lasts way beyond a month so...

What I am saying is that he is most likely in this reflection mode. Give him the time and space to do that. You have told him how you feel, now step back and let him absorb all that has happened and you will know the result soon. It is a difficult time due to the uncertainty, but get busy and you will be ok...ride out this period as it often comes with a new relationship. Just don't get clingy now...live your life. He will seek you out with as much intensity as he did only a few weeks ago if he still wants to pursue a serious relationship with you.

All the best

I agree!

However I'd like to add something.

I know a couple who have been together for 50+ years. yes they have fights and all. But when you see them, you would swear they just got married yesterday. They still have thier "honeymoon phase" after 50 years. They still write love letters leaving them in random places, he still opens doors for her, she cooks him romantic dinners, they go on walks in the park holding hands. Id say they are still very much in honeymoon phase.

My point, often we consider the honeymoon phase that time when its full of romance, the love is new, but for some it doesnt end. The love is always new. Yes sometimes there are fights but that doesnt change anything. So really, it doesnt have to end

[gelica_per]

Thanks,
I have definitely taken a back seat and have been giving him his space, especially now that he has some days off finally and likes to do stuff around the house. He had been sharing his day with me here and there and I just make sure to always be supportive.
I like how you mentioned that there is a time when we take a step back and assess the decisions that we make; I think that this is what may be happening and as much as it sucks I just have to wait it out and see where this goes. I am hoping to still be able to visit him soon so that we can communicate in person.
Thanks again for your thoughts

[differentcountries]

Freudian slip, differentcountries?

I am not following. Might be easier if you quote what you have in mind.

[lordpsymon]

I over think things and over analyze why he doesn't respond or call like he used to.

Oh god I can relate to this so much. The kicker is that I KNOW it's stupid and I know I am over thinking things.