Long Distance Break Up

[lovelike]

Hello,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one year.
Maybe it was the distance that seemed to elevate all our problems.

I feel like there were so many good times but also so many reasons why our relationship was not good.
I don't feel like he appreciated or valued being with me.
I put so much into the relationship but felt like I didn't get much in return.
I think I neglected my friends in the process of dating him.

Everyday I wake up with thoughts of him and I just want it all to stop.
Every so often I think that maybe we could fix things.
But then I think about all the reasons why it's better this way.

Any advice?

[snow_girl]

Just last night I had a dream about the ex I broke up with over a year ago. I still get what ifs sometimes, but when I really get down to it it just wasn't right. It's easy to think of the good times you shared but you can't forget about the reasons you let go.

[Harlequin]

Just take it one day at a time, and eventually it will be easier to deal with. Like snow_girl said, it's easy to think about the good times, but you can't let that cloud your judgement. From the examples you gave, it seems like you made the right choice by leaving him. Try to keep yourself busy. Reconnect with friends, marathon some movies or whatever, pick up a new hobby, etc. Really, just something that you enjoy that will help you keep your mind off of things.

[lovelike]

How did you let go?
I can't stop thinking about him all day.
I can't concentrate on my work, I can't eat, I'm lost.

Edit: Thanks harlequin, those are come good suggestions.

Should I definitely stop talking to him?
He does want to be friends.
I do too but I don't know if I can do that right now..

[Gonçalo]

How did you let go?
I can't stop thinking about him all day.
I can't concentrate on my work, I can't eat, I'm lost.

Edit: Thanks harlequin, those are come good suggestions.

Should I definitely stop talking to him?
He does want to be friends.
I do too but I don't know if I can do that right now..

Sorry to hear that.

According to some wise people, "if two past lovers can remains friends, it's either they are still in love, or never were". By reading your post I think that if you still love him that much don't let him go. If he wants to be your friend maybe he's willing to change and then you can get back together.

[p_b82]

My last relationship ended badly, and yet I still could not get my ex out of my head at the time, when we are upset it is very easy to remember the happy times and look back on things in a favourable light, but as already said, you must remember why the relationship ended, as otherwise things may just repeat unless both parties are able to alter a little bit to meet in the middle - if this is possible.

I'd say that even if you want to remain friends, you need to give yourself some space from him, to aid with the healing process, and by all means tell him that. When you are able to you, will be able to reconnect with him, once you are over the relationship aspect if you are up to it at that point.

[butterfly712]

I'm so sorry to hear this,just take it one day at a time,break ups are always very hard.

[Redheart14]

I think the other posters have said it all.

[lovelike]

Thanks everybody.

I have decided to go with no contact for a while.

I still keep think about making it work even though it was bad for me.
I believe that he could fix it if he wanted to.
Maybe that's the problem, he doesn't want to.
I don't know, this is hard.

[Gingerlyme]

When i went through a break with my S/O, i went through the same thing with the eating thing.
It is very important for you to make sure you are eating and not neglecting your health

I am a small person by nature, 5'1(154cm) and 88lbs (40kg). but i dropped to a sickening 82lbs (37kg)
While i am still struggling to gain the weight back since (i am now at 85lbs 38kg), i have learnt not to neglect what comes first, which is my health.

IT may be really hard to down food, even chocolate and ice cream is better than nothing.

sorry if this doesn't stand out to anyone else, but not eating is a huge thing for me.
other than that, the other posters have been spot on. healing comes with time, and it will get better.

[p_b82]

When i went through a break with my S/O, i went through the same thing with the eating thing.
It is very important for you to make sure you are eating and not neglecting your health

I am a small person by nature, 5'1(154cm) and 88lbs (40kg). but i dropped to a sickening 82lbs (37kg)
While i am still struggling to gain the weight back since (i am now at 85lbs 38kg), i have learnt not to neglect what comes first, which is my health.

IT may be really hard to down food, even chocolate and ice cream is better than nothing.

sorry if this doesn't stand out to anyone else, but not eating is a huge thing for me.
other than that, the other posters have been spot on. healing comes with time, and it will get better.

Not wanting to go too OT, but this is good advice to remember too.

I have never been a good sleeper, and developed insomnia - I slept for about 3 hours the first week after we split up, and lost my appetite as a result, which never fully returned.

I lost 21lbs (approx 10KG) to go from 12st (186lbs/76KG) down to 10.5st (147lb/67.5kg). being 6'4" (192cm) that was weight I did not have to loose really in the first place and looked ill, and sallow even 6 months after the event still as the weight did not want to return.

In the past month, as it is still hovering on the dangerously low side of the bmi charts, I have decided to seriously alter my eating habits and consume what I consider excessive amounts of food to try to bring my weight back up (I joking say I should just eat lard as it would be cheaper!) - and I broke up with my ex 18months ago!

Anyhoo back on topic,

Good luck with the distance creation, it is not easy but you will heal in time.

[kikidee]

Sorry to hear that.

According to some wise people, "if two past lovers can remains friends, it's either they are still in love, or never were". By reading your post I think that if you still love him that much don't let him go. If he wants to be your friend maybe he's willing to change and then you can get back together.

I'm sorry but I can't agree with this at all. One of my exs and I were good friends before we dated and are now still good friends and see other people. We just needed time apart to get feelings settled and we have seen other people and have no feelings anymore whatsoever. So I do understand the quote but I don't think it's the almighty truth.

[Mollyisawalrus]

Oh no man, I understand the eating thing too. I've been struggling with my weight for I think 7 years, and I'm only just at a healthy weight now.