My bf also only made jokes until I showed him I knew what I was talking about. I also walked the walk financially and otherwise. I sacrificed a lot to take care of our flat and my studies. Now HE is the one talking about our future. You can't just wish it to happen.
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I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits -
Well, I don't really know how to help you here. You can't force someone to listen to you and I think he should listen to you. Even if he does not agree with your plans, you should at least be able to tell him what your dreams are. Try telling him that he is also your friend and not just your boyfriend and you are passionate about them, he doesn't have to agree but you'd like it if he listened to you.
Relationship began: 05/22/2012
First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
Married: 1/24/2015
Became Resident: 9/14/2015Comment
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You should be able to talk to you SO about anything. It concerns me that you have to censor yourself about something so important to you. You are right, he's not only your bf but your friend, and friends talk to friends about everything. Maybe he finds it stressful or he feels overly pressured when discussing the future of the two of you together.....but if that's the case, he needs to tell you that. Communication is key and he is just simply avoiding.Originally posted by Cristiana View PostTo those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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Originally posted by Cristiana View Post
Regardless of your differences, I think this is somewhat of a red flag (not a huge DTMFA!-red flag, more like a small red pennant maybe?), especially considering the age difference (you'll probably think I'm wrong and stupid, but whatever).
There are things I don't necessarily talk about to my SO, because I know he's not interested in them and I don't need him to share all his passions and interests with me. But it seems like your future plans are a big part of your present life and you're talking serious steps and informing yourself about how to realise them. So he should take you seriously and support you, offer you advice, help or just listen.
I might be overinterpreting things and I obviously don't know you or your relationship, but it kind of sounds like he treats your plans as "silly little girl plans". Which wouldn't be so bad, if he weren't your SO.
♥ Być tam, zawsze tam, gdzie Ty. ♥
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Maybe it makes him nervous to discuss the future with you; maybe his plans for the future aren't as aligned with your own as you may think and he doesn't want to upset you. Or maybe he just doesn't want to get his hopes up about the future as he was burned last time. There are many possibilities. I would tell him that it's important to you to be able to discuss the future sometimes, if only to keep yourself motivated. He should be able to compromise.In all the world there is no heart for me like yours.
In all the world there is no love for you like mine.
-- Maya AngelouComment
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No, he is not her friend. He is her partner who thinks it is too early to have long discussions about their joint future, because that would possably mean he would soon feel responsable for her happiness in that regard. That is different from her saying, for instance, "Can I brainstorm with you about some loose ideas I have about things I vision in my future? I have no idea how these things fit in with your or our future but at the moment I hold these ideas dear." Then he might be able to listen in on even vague ideas because there is no expectations that he should contribute to make her dreams come true. He might even be tempted to let her in on very loose ideas of his own, with no expectations of her making them their plans, either. In that way, they might both fake that they are friends and not completely tangled up in the future of one another, and so listen as a friend would.Originally posted by snow View PostI made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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Sorry I'm not sorry, but I can't move beyond this part.Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
My husband is my best friend. He is the person I tell everything. The person I go to when I have problems or just need to talk about crap/nonsense/etc. I feel bad for those who don't think that his/her SOs is his/her friend in addition to his/her partner.
2016 Goal: Buy a house.
Progress: Complete!
2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
Progress: Working on it.Comment
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^^^^^ THISOriginally posted by lyonsgirl View PostTo those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
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My men are my dear friends too, but the dynamics are still very different. Me and my men share economy and life goals as well as closeness. If I tell a close friend I want to go to an Indian ashram for a year, she will see me less during this timeso she might be a bit sad about that, but it has no real impact on her future. My men on the other hand would have their lives turned upside down for at least two years.They would feel not cared for if I blurted out something like that and didn't even have a plan to support it. They tend to think out loud themselves, but they don't really appreciate it when I do it unless in a very general way, like "I wouldn't mind going to India and stay in a yoga camp for a while", or "I wonder how to combine my needs to see SO more and also needing an office space ". I talk to my boys as friends, but not when engaged in future talk. Which points to the fact that OPs boyfriend seems "uninterested " in hearing about her ideas for the future, which would include him (but maybe give him nothing he wants) or may lead to their break up (which he doesn't want either).Originally posted by lyonsgirl View PostI made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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differentcountries, why you keep talking about my wishes like they were something so silly and most of all, like I didnt know nothing about how to make them real? It s not something nice.
Plus, yes, my boyfriend IS my friend and the fact you think it another way, doesnt mean my situation is like you think.
You talked about having talked to your husband about the future and once it got real, he started to believe in it and he talked about it too. Well. Im still in high school, I dont have a job, and so obviously I wouldnt talk to him like "hey tomorrow I ll go searching for an house where we could live together". You re making it a big deal more than I am doing. I just want to talk about my future wishes with my boyfriend and I dont find it so bad.
For the others who said that censur myself about things I find important to me is negative in a relationship, I agree, and I will talk about it with him, hoping things will changeComment
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