Fatigue vs me

[Lost confused]

Hi guys!

I'm in a bit of a bind here. I'm seeing my SO again next month after almost 3 months apart. He's got a very demanding job working over 80-85 Hours a week. There are days where I'm often a last thought or don't hear from him at all. I know his job is stressful so I send him texts saying good morning, hope the day is going ok or goodnight love you. That sorta stuff. But now it's really eating into our relationship. He's so tired that sleeps .so much. Even when we're together. We don't see each other often and I have taken time off my new job to see him. I get he's tired but their fatigue is really bugging me, especially when he could easily sleep more than half our time away. I'd feel horrible telling him he can't sleep when I'm there, but it's slowly making me feel like I'm going to see him to sleep or play 2nd to his job as he always gets called away when he's his office he's on time off. What should I do? I don't know how much longer I can deal with all this. I know you need to work to live but not live to work. I'm beginning to think he likes his job more than me, he's always talking about flying to all these destinations for work and sounds so excited, I just wish he'd sound that excited about me coming to visit.

[differentcountries]

Of course he is tired, his work week sounds insane!

In summer my SO worked a lot and slept a lot. I used the time to do sports, study and get spa. He slept after work in my lap or by himself on the bedwhile I cooked dinner until I waked him for our evening together . It is fine for some time, but we both know he cant have this job forever. That will be too much for his health and our relationship.

[Lost confused]

Of course he is tired, his work week sounds insane!

In summer my SO worked a lot and slept a lot. I used the time to do sports, study and get spa. He slept after work in my lap or by himself on the bedwhile I cooked dinner until I waked him for our evening together . It is fine for some time, but we both know he cant have this job forever. That will be too much for his health and our relationship.

I know he's tired. I'm not saying I don't expect him to be. It's just hard with it one causing lack of communication and money on tickets to see him when he sleeps most of it away. The first trip I didn't awake him and he slept till 3pm. The most I can go for is 2 days so that's a huge chunk gone.

I'm not sure if you are telling me your situation or offering advice.

[Harlequin]

I'm just curious, so you don't have to answer this question, but why does his job require him to work SO many hours?

I feel like it's important to not look at it like fatigue vs. you. It's not so much he's choosing to sleep as it is, I imagine, his body making him sleep regardless of what he might actually want to do. It would probably be worth talking to him about this. Even if all you can do is write an email to him in order to get your thoughts out completely, and he can respond when he's got the time. Express your concerns for your relationship as well as the both of you individually. It'd be a shame to have to give up everything because of a job.
I really do wish you the best of luck; that's one hell of a schedule to have to work around.

[Petals]

Oh wow! I feel for you! I can relate to some extent, but my SO barely sleeps lol and has a bit more balance with work and me.


His work is a priority and that's just the reality right now. Will his schedule be like this for the foreseeable future? If so, he has to make more of an effort to balance his work and personal life. If it's temporary then I suggest you find a way to cope for now.

How does he treat you otherwise? How is the relationship? Is there talk about the future and how you will close the distance?

[differentcountries]

I know he's tired. I'm not saying I don't expect him to be. It's just hard with it one causing lack of communication and money on tickets to see him when he sleeps most of it away. The first trip I didn't awake him and he slept till 3pm. The most I can go for is 2 days so that's a huge chunk gone.

I'm not sure if you are telling me your situation or offering advice.

There is some big resentment in your text abot him sleeping - "he sleeps most of it away". I can relate to that, it is not easy to be the bystander.

My point is he can't keep this up for ever and still have a relationship. Only he can change his workplace and the ammount of hours he works. If he works that much he might be able to save up money he will need for changing jobs. There is not much you can do about it but try to work around his schedule, but I wonder if things are going to be the same in the future for you. For me it is easier because I know it is a temporarily situation. Have you talked about the future?

[rhabdoviridae]

This is a tough one and it depends on his job. You want to spend time with him but for his health, both mental and physical, it's important that he gets sleep when he can. I think it would be worth having him talk to his job when he knows you're going to visit and make himself completely off limits to them. Yes, he's choosing his job over you in a way right now, but if it's for a short time or a big career step, it's more understandable.