A deadline and a word to the wise...

[Karringtyn]

Not even sure where this belongs. I mean it's about my LDR/engagement/closing the distance/rambles....


When my love's home went on the market in May...we set a goal date of September 1st to have the home sold by. Then things could roll into place (too much to write about right now)...and we could have our wedding 10-10-10...as I have always called him my perfect 10..so the date was fitting. Ahh no biggie...September 1st was months away.

Reality is this.

We can't get married that day now. It's not like there was any money put out for the wedding as we were going to do an informal ceremony and reception....but I really wanted that day....and for his house to be sold and he would be here...here with me...where he belongs.

The future is now so up in the air...when he sells his house...we may/may not be buying this one of of my ex..I love this house..yet I hate this house.....SOOO much uncertainty.

Also. I have a little something to throw out...

I know i am older..and trust me...I know it....

But a couple of people made a comment in the last couple of days and even in "real time" I hear it too..

"When I get married it will be forever."

Guess what? I didn't go into my marriage 15 years ago with the intentions of it ending. I loved him as much as I knew how...I was ready. We had three beautiful kids together...and from that relationship I took soo very much..I became a better and stronger person.

Call it innocense...call it being nieve when said...but it hurts.....noone knows what the future holds and trust me you THINK you know someone....as we age..we grow..we change...life experience changes us...kids change us...so just please think about what you say whether you say it on here...or out there...yes marriage is intended to be forever and I hope and I pray that Dan and I are able to last a lifetime...

[MoonWatcher]

I'm so sorry about the house not selling. The market is so tough right now, and it effects everything. I'll pray that it sells soon, and your lives will be able to connect with some kind of normalcy...

That is very good insight. It's easy to be blinded by love, and there's nothing wrong with that. But anything can (and normally does) happen, and one must be prepared. It doesn't mean you shouldn't give it your best. But I do think you should put as much effort into your own personal strength as much as your relationship. I've been questioning the "what if's" myself in my life, especially my relationship... and it's hard for me to move past those. The only way I'll know is if I face the situations head on with faith and perseverance. But yeah... it's really, really hard... I hear you and I feel for you.

[noodle]

Im sorry bout things not workin out the way you planned it
And you are so right with the future changing... I am just experiencing it myself with friends and co-workers... I think it is sort of horrible and painfull but in the end it makes us the people we are.

[Zephii]

You are a breath of fresh air on these forums you know.

I have no good advice, I'm trying to sell a house too and if the market isn't there.. it isn't there sadly. I assume its a house in America? I've heard about the problems people down there are having with selling, and the one thing I do know is that there's been a boom of Australians buying cheap houses in America at the moment (Because once America's economy recovers it will shit over the top of ours again and owning property there will be a good investment), and there are websites that specialise in getting it done. Maybe he could look into becomeing listed on one of those sites as well? I don't know the situation at all, but thought I'd throw the idea out there.

Don't give up hope.
Carrots xx

[Karringtyn]

You are a breath of fresh air on these forums you know.

Aww thank you so very much.

And to everyone...thank you for your encouragement!

[Èternity]

You are so right about marriage. You don't go into it thinking you will get divorced. I remember on my wedding day someone, I don't recall who it was, told me "Remember today is the starting line of your relationship not the finishing line." I thought she was crazy because we'd lived together for five years at the point. She was so right, I was so wrong. Everything changed, we grew apart, stopped talking and divorced. You do the best you can with what you have and know at the time.

P.S. hoping you hear something on the house soon.

[Allie.CanCali]

I'm sorry the house didn't sell =( that really sucks.
But hey, maybe things will take a turn for the better.

[Karringtyn]

thanks eternity!!! He called me this morning sooo excited...I was like...uhhh what's up? He says..."the realtor came over...you should see the huge really nice For Sale sign in my front yard"...we just switched realtors...sooooooo I am hoping this is it!!

[Rosebud]

Even if it's not entirely realistic, I'm already having enough trouble 100% believing in my bf when he tells me how much he cares for me. I know if I keep up this distrust of 'what if he someday hurts me?' it's just going to drivea wedge between us and then we really WILL grow apart because of my own refusal to accept his love for me as he says it is. So I think that if we ever reached the point where things really started to get much more serious than they are now, I just couldn't bring myself to constantly be remembering all those things you pointed out. I'm not saying they're not true and that people don't sometimes grow apart, but I feel it would just make me as paranoid as I am now about his getting sick of me and leaving me. I'm trying NOT to let those things about a 'maybe' reality get to me, because that's all it is, a maybe.

I hope that made sense and I didn't mean any offense by it. Maybe I am just foolishly in love, but right now I'm utterly happy being so. I remember what it was like our first few months of dating and all I could focus on was the realistic stuff, how we might not really mesh as well as we thought we did and so on and so forth. And I was miserable. I'd rather be blissful and naive. And maybe that's the way it should be, that because for some of us this is only our first or second serious relationship, we're allowed to think it could be forever. Why do we need to carry the burden of pain past couples have experienced from splitting up, when it's not our pain to begin with? Not everything is perfect 100% of the time in my relationship, I don't think it is for anyone, and we have our own unique trials that we have to get through. Maybe for some couples that means growing apart. But not for all couples. We all don't need to be scared.

[Karringtyn]

Noone is trying to scare anyone here and if you take it that way...that is on you.

I have told very rudely on here that they won't be like me and divorced....and that to me is very very hurtful.

NEVER EVER did I say that every relationship will fall apart eventually. I never said that is the way ALL relationships work out. Never did I say that you had to carry the pain for my relationship screw ups.

Wow.

And I quote myself...again..

Call it innocense...call it being nieve when said...but it hurts.....noone knows what the future holds and trust me you THINK you know someone....as we age..we grow..we change...life experience changes us...kids change us...so just please think about what you say whether you say it on here...or out there...yes marriage is intended to be forever and I hope and I pray that Dan and I are able to last a lifetime...


And yet again....it happens once again.

[Karringtyn]

I have found the man I truly love with my entire heart and soul. It is different this time...sometimes I too have fears that maybe I am being foolish and nieve into thinking that I can actually make a relationship work...but I go forth with the best of intentions.

[Rosebud]

I didn't mean to upset you and I didn't mean to sound attacking either. I was simply stating that in the beginning of my relationship I was very aware of what I said, I wanted to be extremely careful and it took me at least 3 months after my bf said I love you for me to actually say it back. I knew that just being in an LDR meant that our relationship might be more strained compared to those who didn't have the distance and I wanted to protect myself. But I was utterly miserable always being so guarded. So I've let my guard down some, I don't *want* to think about the realities of how relationships work because that just in turn makes every move something that needs to be analyzed. So when he tells me he loves me and we discuss the rest of our lives I'm going to take it for what it is. That right now we want to think about the future and it going on like this in happiness. There's no point in constantly reminding oneself that it may not work out. Then it never will.

[Karringtyn]

And I agree with you 100%. You missed my entire point of this post.

[Rosebud]

Perhaps I did and I apologize. I simply read it as 'we need to be careful about what we say and be aware that not all things last'. My response was just, 'Being aware ruins it for me so if I want to tell him I'll love him forever then I will.'

[Karringtyn]

NO NO NO!


I said one needs to be careful what they say to other USERS on here hon. ON HERE.

Not in a relationship...oh goodness sake...never would I say that.

I was asking that when one replies to a post be careful what one says...to each of us....because noone knows of their future...and to sit and tell me that they won't be "foolish" like me...and divorce...ehhhh that stung.