A girl invited me to her dorm. help!

[ThePiedPiper]

I think the better question is why do you find this dangerously alluring? You feel it's dangerous and yet you want to go. You are unsure of her intentions. You seem curious. I think beyond what her intentions are, you need to ask yourself what yours are and why you're so tempted to make what you've all but outright said is a bad decision. That should matter more than your friend's potential intentions.

[D4Joseph]

You have a point ThePiedPiper. I'm confusing myself in a way. I know for a fact what my morals are. I would never want something to happen. And I believe I can prevent it. However, the friends around me say it's ok if something did happen because it's a male's "primal instinct. " I'm mentally battling with my morals and beliefs vs the norm of what a lot of guys think

[snow]

You have a point ThePiedPiper. I'm confusing myself in a way. I know for a fact what my morals are. I would never want something to happen. And I believe I can prevent it. However, the friends around me say it's ok if something did happen because it's a male's "primal instinct. " I'm mentally battling with my morals and beliefs vs the norm of what a lot of guys think

Be a decent human being and stop listening to that stupid "boys will be boys" crap. Ugh, that is awful. Your friends around you are disgusting.

[p_b82]

You have a point ThePiedPiper. I'm confusing myself in a way. I know for a fact what my morals are. I would never want something to happen. And I believe I can prevent it. However, the friends around me say it's ok if something did happen because it's a male's "primal instinct. " I'm mentally battling with my morals and beliefs vs the norm of what a lot of guys think

Sorry but that is just bullshit.

It is no more a male instinct than it is a female one - people get horny, doesn't matter what sex they are!

You either know for a fact that you are not going to do anything you shouldn't or you are just waiting for it to be given to you on a plate and make an excuse as to why it happened afterwards.

The latter perspective to me just shows weak character of any-one that allows it to happen - Sex is great don't get me wrong, but it doesn't just happen without a concious decision on both parties for it to occur (unless one party is really really out of it and then it becomes rape).

Make your mind up in advance - you are either in a committed relationship and your friend is off limits, or you are looking for an excuse to cheat and therefore the relationship doesn't mean that much to you and you and her would be better off out of it.

[differentcountries]

the friends around me say it's ok if something did happen because it's a male's "primal instinct. " I'm mentally battling with my morals and beliefs vs the norm of what a lot of guys think

So basically your mates are encauraging you to cheat. That is really low. An instinct is just an urge, it doesn't come with any permission. Girls can have high libidos too, does that make cheating ok?

[D4Joseph]

I definitely appreciate every input I'm getting. It all helps. However, the situation isn't as black & white in long distance relationships. For anyone to say it is would be unrealistic. No I don't wanna cheat. Cheating is never ok. There is no logic or morals with our hormones. It's the sad reality. This is the first actual time temptation is right in front of my face and it's overwhelming in a bad way. I'm not proud of it

[Harlequin]

I definitely appreciate every input I'm getting. It all helps. However, the situation isn't as black & white in long distance relationships. For anyone to say it is would be unrealistic. No I don't wanna cheat. Cheating is never ok. There is no logic or morals with our hormones. It's the sad reality. This is the first actual time temptation is right in front of my face and it's overwhelming in a bad way. I'm not proud of it

"The situation isn't as black and white in long distance relationships. For anyone to say it is would be unrealistic."
Are you forreal?
No, it's very black and white. You either do or you don't. Distance has absolutely nothing to do with it.
If you wouldn't be doing this if your girlfriend were close distance, then you wouldn't be doing this with her so far away. If there would be no temptation if your girlfriend were close distance, then there wouldn't be temptation with her far away. That's it. End of story. It's literally not that hard to grasp. If it's honestly THAT hard for you, what you're dealing with is a lack of self control while simultaneously looking for justification if you do end up giving into temptation.

Temptation is not an excuse. If you go over there, and you two cheat on your significant others, the only people you will have to blame is yourselves. There is no logic or morals to your hormones, but I imagine you have a functioning brain, and that should have some sort of grasp of logic or morals. The more you make excuses, the more it becomes apparent that you do, on some level, want to fuck this chick. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be sitting here making really piss poor excuses.

Do whatever the hell it is you feel you wanna do, but don't be shocked when you're held accountable for your actions.

I'm not sorry for being mean. This is fucking stupid and you know exactly what you're doing.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I definitely appreciate every input I'm getting. It all helps. However, the situation isn't as black & white in long distance relationships.

Uh, yes it is. People thinking it's NOT black and white is what leads to the cheating that leads to the long-distance breakups and then people going "welp, long distance relationships don't work, I guess."

LDRs are hard, but if you're in a committed monogamous LD relationship, it's definitely black and white.

This is the first actual time temptation is right in front of my face and it's overwhelming in a bad way. I'm not proud of it

If you're "tempted" you need to either decide to not see this girl, or decide if your LDR is worth being in. If it's not, break up, and have your fun. But don't claim that because there happens to be distance in your relationship that it's somehow this moral grey area.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Temptation is not an excuse. If you go over there, and you two cheat on your significant others, the only people you will have to blame is yourselves. There is no logic or morals to your hormones, but I imagine you have a functioning brain, and that should have some sort of grasp of logic or morals. The more you make excuses, the more it becomes apparent that you do, on some level, want to fuck this chick. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be sitting here making really piss poor excuses.

Do whatever the hell it is you feel you wanna do, but don't be shocked when you're held accountable for your actions.

I'm not sorry for being mean. This is fucking stupid and you know exactly what you're doing.

Totally and completely agree.

[TwoThree]

"The situation isn't as black and white in long distance relationships. For anyone to say it is would be unrealistic."
Are you forreal?
No, it's very black and white. You either do or you don't. Distance has absolutely nothing to do with it.
If you wouldn't be doing this if your girlfriend were close distance, then you wouldn't be doing this with her so far away. If there would be no temptation if your girlfriend were close distance, then there wouldn't be temptation with her far away. That's it. End of story. It's literally not that hard to grasp. If it's honestly THAT hard for you, what you're dealing with is a lack of self control while simultaneously looking for justification if you do end up giving into temptation.

Temptation is not an excuse. If you go over there, and you two cheat on your significant others, the only people you will have to blame is yourselves. There is no logic or morals to your hormones, but I imagine you have a functioning brain, and that should have some sort of grasp of logic or morals. The more you make excuses, the more it becomes apparent that you do, on some level, want to fuck this chick. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be sitting here making really piss poor excuses.

Do whatever the hell it is you feel you wanna do, but don't be shocked when you're held accountable for your actions.

I'm not sorry for being mean. This is fucking stupid and you know exactly what you're doing.

Know what's insane? It's that this kind of posts need to be repeated quite often on this forum. It's like some people think that being LD is kind of a free pass to hook up with other people because "distance is so fucking hard, you guys! I can't help it, it's my HORMONES"

[snow]

I have to agree with Harlequin and TwoThree. Long Distance does not excuse giving into temptations. A long distance relationship should be treated as serious as a close distance relationship if you both love each other. Temptations are all around us, but you can make conscious decisions whether or not you want to give into them. Don't blame hormones for thinking about cheating on your girlfriend. It is disrespectful to her and insulting to you. Are you just a shell controlled by your hormones?

Also, if you are considering meeting up with a girl who you are pretty sure has ulterior motives just because your friends think it is OK because you are in a long distance relationship, then maybe you are not ready to be in a long distance relationship with all it's black and whites.

[differentcountries]

This is the first actual time temptation is right in front of my face and it's overwhelming in a bad way. I'm not proud of it

You are young. You will get more offers. You better start learning how to deal with them.

[D4Joseph]

I can't make any excuses. The fact is I have a conscience. At the same time it's like a devil in my ear talking. Ultimately my relationship is a big priority. I won't screw it up. I thought I could explain what's going on without judgment or finger pointing but some people just want to point.

[whatruckus]

I can't make any excuses. The fact is I have a conscience. At the same time it's like a devil in my ear talking. Ultimately my relationship is a big priority. I won't screw it up. I thought I could explain what's going on without judgment or finger pointing but some people just want to point.

Trying to give you helpful advice is finger pointing? And then you go on to state that your cousin/friends are egging you on to hang out with her and hook up with her, because hey! It's male instinct! Then you say that in a Long Distance Relationship, things aren't black and white? What?

Sorry we weren't like your friends and encouraged you to hang out with this girl, and that if anything happened, it wouldn't be a big deal. All of us come from Long Distance Relationships. We know how it is. I've never once thought about cheating on my SO, and even if a situation came up that it could happen, I still would never do it. Neither would he.

The fact of the matter is that you're considering it, which I think I said before means that you need to talk to your SO about something if you're considering being unfaithful to her. You keep saying how you don't want to ruin your relationship and wreck what you have with your SO, but you also keep going on about how you are pretty tempted.

We've given you all the advice you need. You need to tell your SO, you need to talk to this girl and see what her true intentions are. If you're really concerned about her trying something on you when you're hanging out, try any one of the suggestions provided to take you out of that atmosphere/environment that you're so worried about.

It's not finger pointing, or playing the blame game, because we're giving you advice/suggestions you don't want to hear.

[D4Joseph]

Basically telling me that I want to cheat is giving me advice? Why would I want that? Doesn't help anybody.