A girl invited me to her dorm. help!

[Harlequin]

Basically telling me that I want to cheat is giving me advice? Why would I want that? Doesn't help anybody.

If you weren't even considering cheating, you wouldn't be sitting there like "Things aren't so black and white", or "The devil is talking in my ear", or "Temptation is overwhelming me in a bad way", or listening to your friends telling you that it's okay since you're in a long distance relationship.

It's one thing to be unsure about putting yourself in a situation where this girl might want to make an ill-advised and unwanted move on you, because that's super awkward and no one would want to deal with that. It's something completely different to be unsure about wanting to hang out with this girl, because you don't know her intentions, but the temptation is strong, but you would like totally never cheat on your girlfriend, but your friends say it's long distance so it's okay, but you have morals, but like things aren't all that black and white and your hormones have no sense of right/wrong, but no seriously you know it's bad and you would never compromise your relationship, but man that devil is just chatting up a storm in your ear.

And aren't you the exact same person who was all upset over your girlfriend having an inside joke with her friends and receiving compliments from people on twitter? Then you accused her of being the cause of most of your relationship problems?
Either you're trolling, or you're a huge hypocrite with zero sense of self awareness.

[D4Joseph]

Again I accepted where I am wrong. If I was listening to the people around me I'd try jump around & cheat with anyone at any chance I get but I'm not. Nor do I want to. It'd be so easy to give in and listen to them after all this time but I haven't. If you're going to bash me rather than be civil and disagree than there is no point of commenting. Talk about a low blow.

[p_b82]

It is ok to have doubts and fears, and there are always going to be urges and impulses, but as said already, it is what the person does to act on them.

If you feel you might be weak and give in to these urges, then do not put yourself in a position that it might happen - *If* you want your current relationship to work.

If you don't like the LDR aspect - and many people don't, and you would rather hook up with someone close distance so you can have sex, cuddle, or whatever, then end your existing relationship.

It is as simple as that.

[differentcountries]

I can't make any excuses. The fact is I have a conscience. At the same time it's like a devil in my ear talking. Ultimately my relationship is a big priority. I won't screw it up. I thought I could explain what's going on without judgment or finger pointing but some people just want to point.

I think when you said it is not so bad to cheat in a long distance relationship, people here were offended. Because that is what shitty people tell us, all the time. We hope you are not one of those who don't take LD commitment seriously. I am glad you say you do. I really have no advice, exept save up for visits.

[binabinamochachi]

Again I accepted where I am wrong. If I was listening to the people around me I'd try jump around & cheat with anyone at any chance I get but I'm not. Nor do I want to. It'd be so easy to give in and listen to them after all this time but I haven't. If you're going to bash me rather than be civil and disagree than there is no point of commenting. Talk about a low blow.

If you don't want to cheat on your girlfriend, why post about it? All you're getting are angry messages from others because the post made it seem like you want to cheat. Everyone here is in a long distance or has been in a long distance relationship. You making this post makes people angry because you made it seem like it was ok to cheat as long as your partner doesn't know. If you don't want to cheat, then why post this? I saw another post you made a DAY before you posted this and it said that you love your girlfriend. Can you see how this confuses people and makes them angry? If you don't want to cheat, don't do it. Don't put yourself in situations where you'll be tempted to.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Up until you made it sound like you're trying to justify cheating, we *did* give you advice.

People suggested going but not bringing alcohol, I suggested leaving her dorm door open, someone said invite her to an alternate hang-out place like a coffeeshop/pizza place/something in public. Others' advice was simply "don't go" and someone said if she tries anything, just firmly say no.

That's all advice. It doesn't stop being advice just because it's not the advice you want. (And frankly, it's also all *good* advice.)

Ignoring those bits of advice and talking about your friends suggesting LDR relationship cheating doesn't matter, you saying your torn/the devil is in your ear, etc. makes it sound like you're looking for justification to cheat. You can claim you're not, but that's what your words make it sound like.

In which case, my other already-posted piece of advice applies, as does p_b82's: decide if you want to be in an LDR and if it's worth all the associated pieces like, you know, not cheating on your partner no matter how "tempting" it is. If it's worth it, don't go hang out with this girl in a situation you might cheat, especially when you know you're attracted to her.

If it's not worth it, end your LDR and go have fun locally.

[rhabdoviridae]

Nothing good can come of hanging out with a girl who only texts you when drunk, alone, in her room. If you can't see that for yourself, take my word for it.

You haven't answered how you'd feel if your SO were in the same position. I think that's important.

[D4Joseph]

I never said it's ok to cheat at all. That's what the typical person who aren't in our shoes try to say and I threw in the fact that some of my friends and cousins were in my ear saying that. Not to actually do that to my gf but because I felt mentioning that would help me not only with the situation but learn how to tune that out easier. Urges were there yes but I never violated commitment. I would definitely feel it dangerous if my SO was in this position that's why I decided not to go.

[R&R]

You posted on the 23rd and said she wanted you to go the next day. Today is the 25th. Did you go?

[butterfly712]

I don't think you need any help with this one,you should go just to be friends.

[D4Joseph]

No. I decided not to go. After reflecting on the question posted here on how my SO would feel if the roles were reversed. Offers like that regardless of how innocent should not be entertained.

[emsimes]

Good for you, D4! You made the right decision

[R&R]

I agree you definitely made the right choice for the circumstances.