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Visit next week, but not looking forward to it anymore

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    #1

    Visit next week, but not looking forward to it anymore

    Okay, well things have been a bit bumpy lately in our relationship. This past weekend my SO did something that hurt my feelings and I was pretty upset/angry about it and I told him later in a message on Facebook. When I checked later to see if he responded, I found out that he deactivated his account. I waited until the next morning and sent him a text message to his phone asking him to help explain to me what happened on Friday and why I shouldn't be upset. He finally got back to me and his replies were full of anger. He seems to be mad at me for being mad at him, and apparently thinks I overreacted (he didn't say this, but it's what I perceived). Maybe I did, my feelings are very sensitive right before my period (I don't want to use that as an excuse though). Anyway he didn't apologize for hurting my feelings, and brought up something unrelated that happened over a year ago. He said "Why explain? You're already mad at me". I told him it's important for us to communicate and clear any misunderstandings and such. We went back and forth for about an hour or so until he said he was going to try and sleep. He had calmed down by then but tried to leave without saying "I love you". I sent it to him though and he replied back "I love you too" and that was it.

    I'm not sure what to do right now, if I should just let him alone now for another day or two. I know he's been stressed a lot already about me coming to visit him, but so have I. It's my first time flying on a place and traveling alone. And a few weeks ago I took a new position at my work (went from part time to full time), and have been worried about learning the job and losing sleep because of it. We don't get to see each other much now during the week.
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    #2
    Just breath and let him calm down. I think it's normal in the week before the first few trips to get a little agitated because you're stressed, your SO is stressed, and adding on the stress of international flights. Just take some time to calm down and breath. Just remind each other that you will be in each others arms soon enough.

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      #3
      It happens that people get a little more emotional before visits and I agree that you both need to calm down, but it is never okay to let him hurt your feelings and refuse to explain. If he hurt your feelings, he has no right to be mad at you for being mad him.

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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        #4
        I can't stand my SO a week before a visit. It's not something I like to admit, but it's the truth. The few days leading up to a visit bring out all kind of stress and negative emotions. It's always been this way. Take a step back and give him time to cool off. Once you get together it'll all be a fading memory.
        I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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          #5
          Thank you all for your responses. I haven't talked to him since Sunday. After a 'fight' it usually takes 3 days before one person contacts the other (usually me contacting him). I don't really want to be the first to contact again since I consider Sunday the day I tried to resolve it and he hadn't cooled down enough yet apparently. I'm just worried he won't send a message soon and we won't get this taken care of before the visit, thus making it awkward when we are in person. :/

          Edit: I do remember things were a bit cool the week before our first visit but I feel like that was different since it was the first time meeting in person and we were very nervous about if we'd connect the same way. I'm glad to hear though from the rest of you that it's normal to be feeling more emotional before visits even if it isn't the first.
          Last edited by applescruff; October 28, 2014, 10:05 AM. Reason: adding more

          Comment

            #6
            It will probably be alright. I actually should contact him: don't be ' too proud'. If you want to speak to him, do so. Fights over the internet are usually really weird and unclear: it's hard to understand eachothers feelings when you are not actually with each other. Why don't you just tell him that you are looking forward to meeting him again and that you don't want to fight? I mean, that's not what you want right...

            <3

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              #7
              We have a thing were we just start all over, right away. We don't care who was right and what happened, we just want to be close. Of course not ignore important issues, but if it is just a small thing let it go. Especially if you see it could easily turn into a scene like I am mad because you are mad that I am mad...

              I have been with SO over a year, he is still surprised I get emo over my period...! Also, he gets mad /sad for no reason a couple of days before I come, there is nothing to do about it, really. Also, I too recently started working more, I can relate to the added stress. It is not always easy for the other person to understand. Just keep it simple... Say, I am tired /overwealmed /sad, that will be enough. The most important thing is the emotional connection. It doesn't matter if you can't explain all details of your life.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                #8
                Okay, I guess I was worrying too much as usual. Things seem resolved now, we've put last weekends issue behind us. I sent him a message last night explaining that I understand we both are under a lot of stress lately which has caused our emotions to run high, and the negative ones to come out more easily. I told him that I was sorry if I overreacted but I was still kind of hurt. He replied this morning saying he considered sending me a message yesterday but didn't know what to say. He apologized as well for hurting my feelings, and says he hopes we can talk later today.

                Thank you again everyone for taking the time to offer your thoughts/suggestions! Now hopefully the rest of the week goes smoothly lol.

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                  #9
                  Yey! Great that it's solved

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