other guys catching my attention

[somewhereinbetween]

I love my boyfriend. If we didn't have thousands of miles between us I imagine our relationship would be nothing short of amazing. But for awhile now I have caught myself on more than one occasion noticing other men, even day dreaming about what it would be like to just have a 'normal' relationship without the distance. Prior to meeting my boyfriend I was actively dating, then it all seemed to come to a screeching halt. While I don't miss the process and games involved in dating, I am missing all the fundamental parts of a relationship (spending time together, intimacy, etc). It's past the point of just wishing I could have it, it's become something I am often fixated on because I want it so badly.

All of this makes me feel incredibly guilty, and as though I am somehow in the 'wrong' or doing/feeling something I shouldn't be. Although I think he's a complete liar on this, my boyfriend has told me nobody else catches his attention, that he doesn't notice other women (again, I call BS on this, after all he is human). I just don't know if I should or am suppose to share these thoughts with him? I'm afraid if I were to tell him it would obviously make him feel awful, possibly even put doubts in his head, and I don't want that.

Have any of you felt this way, and if so did you tell your SO? How do you cope when you just want something that feels 'real'? Although I have never cheated and can't imagine doing that (I'd call things off before I hurt him like that), I almost feel sometimes I am becoming incredibly weak and that if temptation came around...I would fall. :\

[snow]

Well, noticing other people is nothing you can control - it happens to most of us and it's natural, but what you do about it is what you can control. I notice handsome men all the time, because they are handsome and who doesn't like looking at handsome men, but I don't let them occupy my mind longer than just a couple moments, because I know that I want to be with my man forever and this could and would destroy a relationship.

Long distance is hard, for every single one of us, even the ones who see each other once or twice a month. Long distance is hard, but you have to decide for yourself if waiting for your SO is what you want to do or if being with someone is more important than what you have with your SO.

There is no shame in admitting that you are not cut out for a long distance relationship, but you have to figure this out and let your SO know.

I also do believe that your SO might not notice other women, because the first couple months of dating, my man was the same. He didn't notice the sexy women his co-workers commented on, because his mind was occupied with me.

[differentcountries]

The first two years of us dating, my now husband didn't even notice if a woman was pretty. It is very possible. There is also no shame in admitting that other people look attractive, or that you long for CD life. I am one of the lucky ones who see SO every month, still it is not always easy to stay in focus when there is a long term goal. Most couples can close the distance after some time, money and lots of paperwork, patience will serve you. In the end you have to decide if your SO is worth the wait.

[somewhereinbetween]

In the end you have to decide if your SO is worth the wait.

That's the hard part. It's been over a year now, and we haven't even met in person (and there's no real plan as to when that visit will occur). I think he's worth waiting for, I just haven't determined if I myself have it in me to wait. :\

[differentcountries]

That's the hard part. It's been over a year now, and we haven't even met in person (and there's no real plan as to when that visit will occur). I think he's worth waiting for, I just haven't determined if I myself have it in me to wait. :\

Oh, that sounds hard. Is there problems raising money for the first visit?

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

My advice would be to take it one day at a time. Because if you feel like he is worth waiting for, then you obviously care greatly for him. But stressing over if you can wait is only going to make you think negatively more. Try to be positive. If you find yourself fantasizing over someone or being in a CD, then try to imagine it as your SO instead of the other person.

My friend actually had the same problems for a little while. But they went away when she started taking it a day at a time and not worrying so much about things. And anytime she started thinking of someone else or what it would be like with them, she switched them to her bf and realized it was just her missing the close distance part. But she also realized that waiting was better for her than wasting time trying to find someone as right for her as her bf is.

[butterfly712]

You can't control notice other guys,I notice guys all the time,in fact every time I go to the grocery store,this guy that works there always catches my eye,but I would never ever cheat on my bf,it's just natural,and something that you can't help or control.

[Petals]

That's the hard part. It's been over a year now, and we haven't even met in person (and there's no real plan as to when that visit will occur). I think he's worth waiting for, I just haven't determined if I myself have it in me to wait. :\

Get this aspect sorted asap. If there's no concrete plans as to when you will meet, it is natural that your eyes will wander. There are too many uncertainties surrounding the 'relationship' which contribute to your craving for something REAL.

I don't lust after anyone, but my SO. While I'm out, I have to force myself not to get sad because he can't share activities with me. I don't crave something real. I crave HIM.

[p_b82]

In a similar vein to the other thread my GF has very similar issues right now, and is struggling with the inability to have a hug, to have some-one wrap their arms round her and tell it will be ok, to work the knots of tension out of her back and shoulders etc....

She feels that I am her soul mate, and while she hates LDR's (she has told me outright if I was not so 'special' she would not even contemplate waiting for me) she has decided that the shorter term pain is worth the longer term gain.

We both are the same age, both have emotional baggage from very different past lives, and so do not want to rush into anything - and yet we want to sprint because of the way we feel about each other.

This ramble back history is just to help me make the point that sometimes and often we want what we can't have, and that we are missing the very thing we want most, and project the feelings we want to be feeling with our partner on another object closer. Because feeling lonely all the time is just so hard work, why can't we have that person in our lives to make it all go away.

On you other point about not noticing..... some of us just don't. I need other people to point it out to me, or the person to tell me to my face (or it be really really obvious) that some-one is into me. Most the time when I have been told retrospectively, I just thought they were being nice and chatty.... However I do notice an attractive lady if I see one, but it is never any more than just that, an observation. This is even more the case now I am with my GF, as she is all I want.

[kittyxuchiha11]

noticing other men doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or doing anything you should feel guilty about. as you've said you love your SO a lot and its a human nature to notice attractive people when you see them. for example, on the bus to college the other day a very attractive woman got on the bus and i yes i thought she was really attractive and she caught my attention but this does not mean that i love my SO any less because i acknowledged how attractive she was. i mean, i come across attractive people every day and think they look pretty but that's completely normal and i don't feel guilty about it because hey i cant exactly control if i think someone is pretty.
you shouldn't feel bad at all for noticing anyone and thinking they're attractive because as I've said its completely normal and every single one of us does it so don't worry