Does this sound like my bf is controling?

[butterfly712]

Does this sound like my bf is controling?I talk to him at night every night,he usually works until 10 or 11:00 at night,so I have to wait up for him to get on facebook so we can talk,a few nights ago I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed,I tried telling him that I wanted to get to bed,but he said,it's too early,so of course I had to stay up with him to talk to him.

[snow]

Well, did he tell you to stay up or did he ask you to stay up?

I stay up every day until 3-5am my time until my fiance goes to bed at 9-11pm his time. When I want to go to bed earlier because I am tired, have something important the next morning or simply want to, he doesn't want me to leave before he goes to bed, but he is never mad at me or yells at me. If he did, that would be controlling.

[CanadianGirl]

Does he always insist that you stay up with him? Does he hold it over you later or make you feel guilty? It could be a controlling behaviour (especially if he makes you feel bad for needing sleep), but it's hard to know the whole story from a short post.

[butterfly712]

Does he always insist that you stay up with him? Does he hold it over you later or make you feel guilty? It could be a controlling behaviour (especially if he makes you feel bad for needing sleep), but it's hard to know the whole story from a short post.

no he doesn't insist that I stay up with him every night,I always stay up with him until 2:00 in the morning when he goes to bed,but I was just so tired that night.

[TwoThree]

Can't really tell until you answer snow's question: Does he tell you to stay up, or does he ask you?

[p_b82]

If you do not object to being the one that stays up late, then you can't really think of him as controlling you - I have had to make the same choice as if I don't stay up late we don't get a chance to talk, as while my GF is online at 4:30 -6:30am she does not want the phone on, or make noise to disturb her kids, so that is not an option for us.

there is a difference with asking and telling though, and if you are tired and you just go to bed and he gets upset for just that, then it would be a minor worry. but it is about context. if it was one night only for the first time in an age i'd just let it slide. if it happens every time you can't make the time slot, and he never compromises for you in any way at all. then I would think it probably is a bit controlling.

It is always about perspective though - and talking to him about how he said what he did made you feel, might make him realise it came out wrong and was not what he meant at all.... text only communication is very easy to misinterpret at times.....

TBH, tonight is the first time I will hear my GF's voice apart from an 'emergency call' we had 3 weeks ago to sort out a miscommunication issue that got blown out of proportion, so I have the opposite issue to you here as we both normally miss weekend loose plans we try to make for various reasons lol

[Lissy]

Can't really tell until you answer snow's question: Does he tell you to stay up, or does he ask you?

I agree with this.
But it concerns me that you said "... of course I had to stay up with him to talk to him." You don't have to do anything, and no one should make you feel like you have to. You are your own person, you can make your own decisions, and no one should pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

[itsjen516]

Idk it dosnt seem controling to me at all. It seems more like he just wanted to talk more and thought it was early.
Did he yell at you does he usally tell you to do stuff you wouldn't like to?

[differentcountries]

It sounds like you need to have a talk about how to make sound boundries. Not talking is sometimes good for the relationship, too. Make sure it is ok to not always talk, maybe just take a minute to say I miss you, can we talk longer tomorrow?

[kittyxuchiha11]

The way you worded this makes it sound like you really need to stay up and talk to him, like you owe him that much but really if you're tired you should go to bed. i mean as much as you might love him your own health an well being is a lot more important than talking to him for a few hours. you should be able to just send him a little message saying you're really tired and need to go to bed and sure he might be upset but ultimately he should be okay with it. don't be afraid to tell him how you feel because if you don't tell him with little things like that it could cause some serious problems in the future.

[whatruckus]

I don't think it's controlling at all. I say that to my SO all the time when I would like to keep talking to him, but he wants to go to sleep, but it doesn't mean anything. He still goes to bed and I don't get mad at him.

It would be controlling if he started yelling at you, or got mad at you, if you went to bed. Or, demanded that you stay up and talk to him.

Like someone pointed out, you don't have to do anything. If you're tired and you're not up for talking, go to bed. Whatever you guys were going to talk about can wait until the next day.

[butterfly712]

Can't really tell until you answer snow's question: Does he tell you to stay up, or does he ask you?

no,he doesn't exactly tell me to stay up late with him,but if I don't then he gets pissed.

[butterfly712]

I don't think it's controlling at all. I say that to my SO all the time when I would like to keep talking to him, but he wants to go to sleep, but it doesn't mean anything. He still goes to bed and I don't get mad at him.

It would be controlling if he started yelling at you, or got mad at you, if you went to bed. Or, demanded that you stay up and talk to him.

Like someone pointed out, you don't have to do anything. If you're tired and you're not up for talking, go to bed. Whatever you guys were going to talk about can wait until the next day.

that's very true,that's a good point.

[whatruckus]

no,he doesn't exactly tell me to stay up late with him,but if I don't then he gets pissed.

Then, I would suggest having a talk with him about this. He shouldn't be getting mad at you because you're tired from a long day and would like to get some rest.