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    #1

    Why did she ask this all of a sudden?

    Hey folks! Just a quick question here..

    I'm in a LDR with a girl from another country and we've set the date to meet. We like each other a lot, she even told me she loves me.
    But I have some things that makes me worry and I'm not sure whether I should ignore them or not.

    After a long time, I have serious feelings for someone and I never thought I would like someone that I never met..I never imagined this would happen and this is my first time. I don't love her as I haven't met her but I'm sure I have strong feelings for her.

    She told me I'm her first SO and she never liked anyone before (that, I find hard to believe). lately, everything's been going great.

    Yesterday night, we were talking and she asked me " Is it possible to like someone and not realize it? ". I asked her why but she refused to give me an answer and tried to change the topic. Does this mean anything? This made me worry.
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    #2
    I would be a little concerned only because she refused to give an answer. That's a really odd question to ask, and without context from her, it's hard to know where she's coming from. It could be a really random question, it could be a question related to conversation she had or something she heard/read about, or it could be her trying to mull her own feelings or someone else's feelings. I wouldn't be super anxious about it, but I would want to know what's going on.
    I feel like you should ask her for context again, or at least find out why she isn't comfortable telling you why she would ask that. Explain how you're feeling, and let her know that if something is going on, you want to be able to talk to her about it in order to come up with a solution. You two are dating, and you're long distance; communication is the only thing you have, and it's absolutely necessary for any relationship to work out. You can't fix a problem you don't know exists. If she still refuses to talk about it, just remind her that you're there for her if she ever needs to talk about things. If something is up, it's going to make an appearance whether she wants it to or not.

    If my s/o were to ask me something like that, I would be kinda forward about trying to get an answer. I would let him know that the question is kind of suspicious, and it had me a little worried--especially considering he felt he couldn't give me context. If there was something he needed to tell me, I would rather he tell me then as opposed to me finding out about something later down the road. I couldn't promise I wouldn't get upset, but I would be less upset if he were honest with me about it up front.

    I hope you're able to get an answer. Best of luck!

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      #3
      It sounds like you messed with her head by insisting she probably liked someone before you and she is thinking, if I did, I did not realize it.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
        It sounds like you messed with her head by insisting she probably liked someone before you and she is thinking, if I did, I did not realize it.
        I never asked her if she liked anyone in the past. Just once many months ago. She brought up that topic and asked me " Can you tell if someone likes you? " and asked me that question. I asked if that happened to her in the past and she told me it didn't. Should I talk to her again about this? I don't know how to ask her I don't want to come across as an insecure guy. I didn't care much before but she now that we're committed, I care.

        Comment

          #5
          It sounds like these questions are easier to answer in person.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            I think that you might have just opened her eyes to the fact that whie she might not have thought that she liked some-one before she might actually have done.

            While not quite so cryptic, my GF has had issues with a good friend of hers getting attached to her, and her developing feelings for him; and pretty strong ones too - so much so, she needed to work out what they were, as if it was love (rather than a projection of her loneliness for example) then obviously our relationship was doomed.

            You need to be able to be 100% honest with your partner in an LDR about stuff like this, otherwise it will make you worry and nag at you. So ask her to explain herself, but do it in a manner that tells how the statement makes you feel. You may well come across as insecure, and if that is the case then so be it, we all are a little insecure about some things in any relationship CD or LD!

            Comment

              #7
              Could she be talking about you and her? Is she trying to see how YOU FEEL.?
              sigpic

              I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by p_b82 View Post
                I think that you might have just opened her eyes to the fact that whie she might not have thought that she liked some-one before she might actually have done.

                While not quite so cryptic, my GF has had issues with a good friend of hers getting attached to her, and her developing feelings for him; and pretty strong ones too - so much so, she needed to work out what they were, as if it was love (rather than a projection of her loneliness for example) then obviously our relationship was doomed.

                You need to be able to be 100% honest with your partner in an LDR about stuff like this, otherwise it will make you worry and nag at you. So ask her to explain herself, but do it in a manner that tells how the statement makes you feel. You may well come across as insecure, and if that is the case then so be it, we all are a little insecure about some things in any relationship CD or LD!
                We never really had this type of talk before and I never bring these up. It surprised me she told me that as she told me she never liked anyone before the way she likes me. I'm thinking of bringing this up after a few days.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by TaraMarie View Post
                  Could she be talking about you and her? Is she trying to see how YOU FEEL.?
                  I'm sure she wasn't talking about me. Why would she want to see how I feel? Could you explain? I don't get the point.
                  She also mentioned I'm not exactly " her" type in terms of boyfriend. She preferred guys who are older than her and who are chubby. She thinks I'm out of her league.I workout a lot and I'm quiet fit..she says guys who are too fit might abandon her ( she is bit insecure ). but I assured her I'm not that type of guy. Despite everything, we do have a lot in common but I don't want her to think I'll ditch her as I'm genuinely interested in her and I take relationships seriously.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by HenryJames View Post
                    I'm sure she wasn't talking about me. Why would she want to see how I feel? Could you explain? I don't get the point.
                    She also mentioned I'm not exactly " her" type in terms of boyfriend. She preferred guys who are older than her and who are chubby. She thinks I'm out of her league.I workout a lot and I'm quiet fit..she says guys who are too fit might abandon her ( she is bit insecure ). but I assured her I'm not that type of guy. Despite everything, we do have a lot in common but I don't want her to think I'll ditch her as I'm genuinely interested in her and I take relationships seriously.
                    May I ask how old she is? I'm just curious if she's younger, could it be that she's not all that experienced in the dynamics of relationships?
                    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by R&R View Post
                      May I ask how old she is? I'm just curious if she's younger, could it be that she's not all that experienced in the dynamics of relationships?
                      She's 24 and I'm 23. Yes, she never had any experience with relationships.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        She might not have had experience with relationships, but at 24, you have an idea of if you like someone or not. I have daughters who are younger than her (18 & 19) who grasped that concept at a very young age. You may not always know if someone likes you (people can be pretty oblivious sometimes) but people usually know when they have feelings of more than friendship for someone, even if it's an innocent crush. It does seem odd to me that she asked that question and then shied away from any questions after that.
                        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by R&R View Post
                          She might not have had experience with relationships, but at 24, you have an idea of if you like someone or not. I have daughters who are younger than her (18 & 19) who grasped that concept at a very young age. You may not always know if someone likes you (people can be pretty oblivious sometimes) but people usually know when they have feelings of more than friendship for someone, even if it's an innocent crush. It does seem odd to me that she asked that question and then shied away from any questions after that.
                          I have to disagree. I didn't realize I actually fancied my s/o until we had actually spent some time together in London, and suddenly that pang of "ohhh I do like you" sorta hit. I was always very fond of him and always thought very highly of him, but it wasn't until we were face to face that it all came together. Sometimes your own feelings can be very ambiguous, and it takes just a little something extra to realize how you're feeling.

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