I'm sorry but this is gonna be a bit of a rant, I don't know how I'm feeling at the moment.
For the past time I've gotten to know this girl. She lived in the opposite end of the world, literally and we got a long extremely well. More so than anyone I've previously met. I'm certain some of you will be able to identify when I say that we felt a mutual connection to eachother. We talked more and more as time passed by and we were always completely open to eachother about everything. It was something incredibly special to me and we understood eachother and were similar to eachother in so many, many ways. She told me she felt the same way.
As I said we were completely open to eachother and could talk about how we felt and everything from good to bad without fearing the others reaction. She was terrified to tell me, because she was scared of my reaction, that she had bipolar disorder and had been hospitalized due to psychosis in the past. She told me she was on medication now. We talked last night for hours, I was up to almost 5am. She told me I should get some sleep and that she was gonna go and study some and then later on in the evening smoke some weed. The latter she had told me previously sometimes bypassed the medication in some way.
When I woke up I had a message saying "I miss you too" and then I realized that she had blocked me everywhere. She had told me before that she had previously considered that perhaps that would be the best way to go since she didn't want to drag me into her world of problems and she was scared things were going too deep, too soon. But she had also told me that I was worth taking the risk. Also we live wih a ten hour time difference.
I am at a complete loss for words and life at the moment. I fall asleep with a smile, wake up to see this and I feel completely powerless and don't know what to do. I have a feeling it's the weed mixed with the bipolar disorder that has led her into the thought of sealing the gate. I just don't know how to handle it.
For the past time I've gotten to know this girl. She lived in the opposite end of the world, literally and we got a long extremely well. More so than anyone I've previously met. I'm certain some of you will be able to identify when I say that we felt a mutual connection to eachother. We talked more and more as time passed by and we were always completely open to eachother about everything. It was something incredibly special to me and we understood eachother and were similar to eachother in so many, many ways. She told me she felt the same way.
As I said we were completely open to eachother and could talk about how we felt and everything from good to bad without fearing the others reaction. She was terrified to tell me, because she was scared of my reaction, that she had bipolar disorder and had been hospitalized due to psychosis in the past. She told me she was on medication now. We talked last night for hours, I was up to almost 5am. She told me I should get some sleep and that she was gonna go and study some and then later on in the evening smoke some weed. The latter she had told me previously sometimes bypassed the medication in some way.
When I woke up I had a message saying "I miss you too" and then I realized that she had blocked me everywhere. She had told me before that she had previously considered that perhaps that would be the best way to go since she didn't want to drag me into her world of problems and she was scared things were going too deep, too soon. But she had also told me that I was worth taking the risk. Also we live wih a ten hour time difference.
I am at a complete loss for words and life at the moment. I fall asleep with a smile, wake up to see this and I feel completely powerless and don't know what to do. I have a feeling it's the weed mixed with the bipolar disorder that has led her into the thought of sealing the gate. I just don't know how to handle it.
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