Should I initiate a LDR?

[0897klpq]

So, I will try and keep it short and simple.

I made a penpal 6 months ago. She is from poland. I emigrated Poland when I was 4.

Her and I started emailing on/off at first. Then we seemed to have gotten comfortable with each other talking about anything.

She started asking me questions like:

10 random facts about me
3 things I like about myself
3 things I would be dissapointed if I never did

Ect.

On my bday she sent me a picture of her with a note saying happy birthday.

It seems like she has interest in me, and well, I do seem to like her too. She did mention that she doesn't understand the rush of getting into a relationship. She also told me she is surprised how much she usually likes to write me even if she is tired.

Her and I still don't know each other well (nor met) but I am wondering if there is anything I can do? My plan was to keep going with it, and I've been going with it for 2 months now.

There is a chance I will go to Poland in spring. My original plan was if we met, then I'd ask her if she wants more, but, I would like to know her true intentions now in a way.

I am 23 and she is 21.

Thanks

[R&R]

So, I will try and keep it short and simple.

I made a penpal 6 months ago. She is from poland. I emigrated Poland when I was 4.

Her and I started emailing on/off at first. Then we seemed to have gotten comfortable with each other talking about anything.

She started asking me questions like:

10 random facts about me
3 things I like about myself
3 things I would be dissapointed if I never did

Ect.

On my bday she sent me a picture of her with a note saying happy birthday.

It seems like she has interest in me, and well, I do seem to like her too. She did mention that she doesn't understand the rush of getting into a relationship. She also told me she is surprised how much she usually likes to write me even if she is tired.

Her and I still don't know each other well (nor met) but I am wondering if there is anything I can do? My plan was to keep going with it, and I've been going with it for 2 months now.

There is a chance I will go to Poland in spring. My original plan was if we met, then I'd ask her if she wants more, but, I would like to know her true intentions now in a way.

I am 23 and she is 21.

Thanks

I've put in bold the two key items that I believe are important. I think you are doing the right thing now in getting to know each other better. Give it time.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I agree with R&R, I'd like to add though that if you think that she has interest in you, that should be enough for now. Initiating a LDR when you barely know each other, and most importantly only "seem to like her" is kinda silly. LDR's take a lot of work and can emotionally exhausting, so I don't advise entering into one or even talking to her about one until you know exactly how you feel about her, you know her a lot better, and she is also on the same page.

[0897klpq]

I agree with what you both say.

I am probably complicating my situation more than I should. I was thinking of distancing myself a bit just to clear my mind.

I do like her and it would be nice to know her stance on the situation. I would just ask her if she sees us ever being more than friends or something like that, and tell her that her answer wouldn't bother me. That would be rushing it and I already have been rushing it.

I told her in a way I do like her back in September. It didn't come out that good since I told her I originally wanted a penpal to talk to but somehow along the way I started to care about her and like her. We don't know each other that we'll yet but we seem to have a lot in common and I hoped I didn't complicate things or scare her off.

her reply was that penpaling is a weird thing, You try to get to know cultures and sometimes get attached to someone and that she likes me too and is always surprised how much she likes to write me even when she is tired. She finished her email with asking what I would buy if money didn't matter.

this means she likes me, but wants to get to know me better?

How much time would you say I should wait?

[p_b82]

just keep emailing and talking together, in time you can get to know her better, and less likely to scare her off if you steer the conversations towards more personal things like love, I was in a relationship with my now ex when I met my GF online, and we chatted for 3 years before we got together.
She knows some of my deepest and darkest fears, and things about me that very few others do - I never saw her as more than just a really good friend until after I visited and felt there was more to it than that, there was just a spark.

We had discussed the possibility before that of us being together, but it was too close to my breakup and I wanted to keep things as just friends until emotionally I was in the right place to even consider another person being in my life.

Waiting for the sake of delaying is not something I would advise, but just take more time talk about deeper things, and soon enough you will know whether to bring up the aspect of a relationship between you.

[0897klpq]

just keep emailing and talking together, in time you can get to know her better, and less likely to scare her off if you steer the conversations towards more personal things like love, I was in a relationship with my now ex when I met my GF online, and we chatted for 3 years before we got together.
She knows some of my deepest and darkest fears, and things about me that very few others do - I never saw her as more than just a really good friend until after I visited and felt there was more to it than that, there was just a spark.

We had discussed the possibility before that of us being together, but it was too close to my breakup and I wanted to keep things as just friends until emotionally I was in the right place to even consider another person being in my life.

Waiting for the sake of delaying is not something I would advise, but just take more time talk about deeper things, and soon enough you will know whether to bring up the aspect of a relationship between you.

I think that is actually really good advice. Over the months her and I have been talking we seem to have gotten relatively close.

Our last email she told me how her parents met, I told her the more detailed story of how mine met. She also said if she could settle anywhere it would be somewhere outside of europe maybe in the US/Canada and she would make a list of places and let her future husband decide.

I took to notion to ask her how she plans on meeting her future husband. Still have yet to get a reply since she is busy with studies/work, but I thought of telling her sometimes I feel like her and I are setting each other up to marry one day. Maybe I will hold off on that.

Thanks again!

[0897klpq]

Ok! I may have news to share!

I didn't initiate a LDR. But I feel like I made positive progress and at least I cleared my chest

Today I asked if she ever gets the idea her and I are setting each other up. She said yes and is surprised how much we have in common.

She only said if I lived closer.. and I actually first contacted her the day she was going to cancel her penpal account.

But I still feel it is good progress and I will update accordingly. My plan from now on is to just keep getting to know each other and not make any promises until we meet.

[R&R]

My plan from now on is to just keep getting to know each other and not make any promises until we meet.

Sounds like a good plan.

[Miasmata]

Yeah, I can only echo what others said in here. Give each other time, get to know each other, and see how you click. If there's truly a spark and you two are willing to give a LDR a shot, then go for it. But one step at a time, and don't go in with expectations. If it doesn't pan out, you can still be friends.

[0897klpq]

I was going to add in here too that she said she would give us a shot, but I could always find someone else in college.

She also told me how she's been heartbroken before, and why she is distrustful of others.

I am going to friend zone myself and at least be friends and meet and see how we are. At least I know she fancies me and I do as well.

The promise I did make for her was that I will always be here for her when she needs anything.

Thanks a bunch everyone.

[Miasmata]

First off, please don't use the word "friendzone". It's what MRAs (men's right activists) and bullies use to shame women who rejected their romantic advances. I know you didn't mean it that way, but it's a very loaded term, so it would be good if you didn't use it so you don't accidentally put yourself in the same camp as those jerks.

Secondly, are you expecting the friendship to cross over to romance at some point? If yes, then you need to talk to her again, and make sure that she knows that you still want to pursue her. Friendships can definitely develop into romantic relationships, but that happens naturally, "accidentally" so to speak - People didn't start the friendship to bet on it becoming a romance. You two need to be on the same page about this 100%, otherwise your friendship with her can easily turn into a preying, waiting situation, like "If I stay her friend long enough, we'll have a relationship", and that's not fair or healthy. You two need to be absolutely sure where you stand.

Did you tell her that you still want a relationship with her? Did she outright say No to a relationship, did she say Not yet, what was her opinion on all this?

[0897klpq]

I just asked her if she ever sees her and I as more than friends/penpals.

she told me about the only boy she fell for and that he cheated on her with her best friend for several months. There was more to it but she didn't think it was worth mentioning it. Then she added she gets scared/tries to take things easily and her experience helped give her an understanding of people. Sometimes she acts more distanced that she really is.

Then she said that she told me already "she'd give us a chance, but I may find someone in College "

I just told her sometimes promises are hard to keep but the promise I know I can keep is if she ever needs someone I'd always be here for her. And we can keep on getting to know each other better. I also shared with her my heartbreak experience (nothing as bad as hers)

I am not sure if the promise thing came out too well now that I think of it, but from her reply it made me think she is likes me that way but is afraid/not fully ready.

I understand from her experience where she is coming from.

[Miasmata]

You gotta be ready for it to never go anywhere, then. Can you still be her honest, sincere friend knowing that she might very well never be ready? No false pretense, no pressuring her? If yes, then stay her friend, and don't have any expectations beyond that. If she's ready at some point, she'll let you know.

[0897klpq]

To be honest I don't think I am ready for anything serious either so I will hold off as well. I agree with what she said of giving us a shot though. But I feel like I am rushing it. We still never skyped since she's been busy October/November. Hoping in December we can.

I will just try and get to know her better and meet as friends and then see. Or at least give it more time to develop these feelings. We have gotten close and she seems to trust me by giving me her facebook and whatnot.

We do fancy each other, but if we were to initiate something it would be a few years before we could close the distance. I have a few years of school and so does she.

Regardless, how I look at the situation things seem to be going well for a relationship, just I don't feel now is the time to start anything.