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I feel super depressed!!

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    #1

    I feel super depressed!!

    My SO and I have been together for over a year. I'm 19 and he's 20 by the way. (haven't met him yet but my family's moving into the state where he lives for only a year).
    He works at a supermarket and his working time has changed this month changes day by day like for example, 5am to 1pm on Thursday and 11am to 7pm Wednesday, and his the days he's off changes too. Last week he had none. And because his work is quite demanding he always comes back home and sleep, or he hangs out with his friends drinking. What's worse is that his phone also started to go out of nuts. One time he tried to text me but the messages weren't sent at all. Ever since then we've lacked communication. He would text me like maximum 3 times minimum 1 time a day. The day before yesterday he told me that his new phone will come tomorrow(which would be yesterday). And since then I haven't heard from him. I sent some texts to his old phone but he hasn't read them yet and in case he won't be able to check his old phone I sent him an email today in the morning and he hasn't read it yet. I don't know how long I'll have to wait till he replies.
    Because of the lack of communication between us the atmosphere has been quite dead for some time.
    And plus I have a big test coming up next Thursday that I've been studying for for a year and I'm going through the phase where I'm super depressed and I don't want our relationship to get in the way because it's really driving me crazy. These days I cried several times because of the depression I'm suffering from and I have no one to ask help for. How can I overcome with this situation and if my bf texts me back what should I tell him? This kind of sit happened two times. Once he was hospitalized with his phone at home for ten days and the other time his phone didn't work at all because his batteries were defective for ten days. I didn't tell him that I was upset and pretended to be cool about it 'cause I didn't want to sound needy. That's why I told him to send me an email in case this kind of thing happens again but he didn't. What should I do to overcome this situation? Should I like get mad at him when he texts me back because I told him to mail me but he didn't? I just feel like he doesn't care about my feelings..
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    #2
    I think you should try and leave the situation with your boyfriend in the background (I know it's easier said than done) and concentrate on the coming test and on taking care of yourself and trying to feel good about yourself.

    Just leave him be for the time being, it sounds like he's acting like a teenager, which I guess he kinda still is.
    What would you be doing if he wasn't in your life? I mean besides studying for the exam. Would you go for coffee or the movies with your friends or have a movie night in with them? Maybe some exercise? Gym, Zumba, swimming, jogging?

    As for the depression, have you been feeling like this just lately or for weeks/months? If it's just a couple days now and then (like before your period) I wouldn't worry, but if it's an on going thing and you feel you are sad most of the time, then you need to get help. Do you have friends you can confide in? What about your mom or an older sister?

    I unfortunately don't know how the health system works in the US (you are from there right? I just assumed because you were talking about moving into the same state where your boyfriend lives) so I'm hoping on you getting some advice from Americans on this thread regards that. The bottom line is, if the depression is affecting your life and stopping you from doing stuff and enjoying yourself you need to get professional help.

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      #3
      Well he just read my mail 10 minutes ago and I'm from South Korea. Sadly, I can't do anything besides studying all day in my academy. And I felt depressed lately and since my period started yesterday I think it's getting worse..

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        #4
        Why can't you do anything else except study?
        How long have you been feeling depressed?

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          #5
          Because the teachers here won't let us out unless we're super sick. The system here is really strict and intense. And it's been like probably a week.

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            #6
            It sounds to me like you are just stressed out with the workload and everything else, rather than 'super depressed' try to take a deep breath or 5 and don't focus on the what if's and focus on what you have control of, it will help you keep your mind working on issues that directly affect you, and not working on things that you can't alter.

            In regards to your BF, it is a difficult one, for me communication is key, and not getting much would make it very difficult if I was in your shoes.

            I think maybe spending less time trying to contact him and more time studying, right now would be good. If he doesn't contact you, knowing you have a huge exam coming up, it would give me a steer as to whether I was getting what I needed from the relationship. If there is nothing coming from him, then I would most probably end it, or tell him that things need to change or he risks losing you - but hold out doing that until after the test, you don't need the additional stress or upset!

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              #7
              Okay well about an hour ago he suddenly called me. He said something and like 54 seconds later he suddenly hung up but I couldn't understand what he was saying and I'm sure that he was drunk. Is it right for me to be mad about this because I'm pretty confused and shocked right now??

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                #8
                Originally posted by skgirl View Post
                Because the teachers here won't let us out unless we're super sick. The system here is really strict and intense. And it's been like probably a week.
                Is it like a boarding school type uni or something?
                You must have some outside grounds to go out for a walk atleast?

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                  #9
                  It's an academy... Similar to school but we can only go outside during dinner time. It's different from regular schools or universities

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                    #10
                    Only dinnertime? Sounds more like prison to me
                    Are there any activities like clubs that meet outside of school time?

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by skgirl View Post
                      Okay well about an hour ago he suddenly called me. He said something and like 54 seconds later he suddenly hung up but I couldn't understand what he was saying and I'm sure that he was drunk. Is it right for me to be mad about this because I'm pretty confused and shocked right now??
                      Yes you do have a right to be mad, I would be. If it were me I'd send him a text saying, if you don't call me by tonight It's over. But that's just me, good luck.

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                        #12
                        Your focus right now should be school. If you need new ways to stress down in between your strict classes, do that to take care of your physical and mental health. It sounds stressful that his work shift changes, but that is really not your problem and it is his responsability to communicate with you through that. Dont let him call you when he is drunk or otherwise not making sense.
                        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                          #13
                          Don't worry, I have been super stressed and depressed as well lately, and i know many others have too.

                          What you really need is time for yourself. Maybe what you can do is just give it 3 days or so and really, close all contact with everyone.

                          Turn off your phone and sign out from email accounts. You could tell parents or anyone important that if it is an emergency they can contact you by this email or whatever.

                          Best way to clear your mind is to block off all distractions.

                          Hope you feel better!

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