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I had sex with my ex long distance partner....

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    #1

    I had sex with my ex long distance partner....

    My ex and I broke up in January after he had been on a cruise ship for 10 months.

    When we split we said we would stay in touch and continue as friends.

    I guess I kind of started a new life when we split up. I quit both jobs got a new one and moved - only 40 mins away but still a move.

    Over the Months we have stayed in touch with messages. and since we split up he has had a girlfriend ( I've stayed single).

    Maybe just over a month ago we were talking and I invited him round for a catch up. He was here for a few hours and we just chatted about life. I asked about his Girlfriend and at that time she had just move to London (karma) and they were just going to try and see if they could make it work.

    A week after, he was sending me messages about how he was sorry for the way he was with me. And that he took me for granted and wished he could make it up to me but can't turn back time.

    Few days later I found out that he had split with his girlfriend. And we started to message a but more getting more and more flirty. and it ended with me staying over at his house and sleeping each other last night..

    I know there is no going back to him... but I can't help but feel a bit lost.

    I can't work out if I have feelings for him or not.. but to be honest I might be try to block that out..
    ”I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”
    The Vow
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    #2
    This is why exes shouldn't try to stay friends.

    Comment

      #3
      Maybe.... but if there wasn't a falling out. Things just end.. How can you not stay friends with a person that has been such a part in your life.

      We both said when we split we would stay friends. and said it a few times since.

      Some people don't want to stay friends with an ex... some people do..
      ”I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”
      The Vow

      Comment

        #4
        I'm not friend with any exes for the reason that it is never just friends all this complicated drama happens.

        Comment

          #5
          I think you should really let this guy go not even as a friend. It's just not a good idea. What both of you did was wrong ! He has a GF and you shouldn't have had sex. But it's also wrong on his part for having sex while in a relation ship it's showing he's not honest and not the kind of person you should be with.
          That's just what I think

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by itsjen516 View Post
            I think you should really let this guy go not even as a friend. It's just not a good idea. What both of you did was wrong ! He has a GF and you shouldn't have had sex. But it's also wrong on his part for having sex while in a relation ship it's showing he's not honest and not the kind of person you should be with.
            That's just what I think
            He's no longer with her. We are both single
            ”I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”
            The Vow

            Comment

              #7
              Itsjen: he broke up with his girlfriend, so as a single guy he is not cheating on anyone.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                Itsjen: he broke up with his girlfriend, so as a single guy he is not cheating on anyone.
                This. But it's possible his feelings about the break up are influencing his desire to make ammends and have sex with the OPer. This seems like too messy of a situation to me. I'd abandon the relationship entirely. Without adequate space, there is little time to heal and think clearly.

                Comment

                  #9
                  I think you can be friends if you allow enough time to pass. You just have to be willing to sacrifice them as a friend or be the one sacrificed in the future due to another relationship. I am friends with a few exes of mine. My current boyfriend seems okay with it right now but if at anytime he wasn't I'd cut them loose no questions asked.

                  I think you need to think long and hard about why your relationship ended. Are those hurdles thing that would still get in the way of a successful relationship? Then you need to let go. Are the things that drove you apart no longer issues? Then maybe it's worth reconsidering. I do think since sex has been brought back into the game it makes it hard to be friends at the moment. If it's going to be just friendly, you may need to have some time pass before you work on that friendship.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                    Itsjen: he broke up with his girlfriend, so as a single guy he is not cheating on anyone.
                    oh sorry I didn't even catch that :-/

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Sometimes I think it's ok to not know what's going on or how you feel. You're a free, single lady who had casual sex with someone they used to date. There's nothing wrong with that. It's normal to have conflicting feelings after that happens. My best advice would be to just relax and let time sort things out for you. Have fun. If you don't enjoy the conversations or the casual sex or some other aspect of your interactions, end it. But for the time being you wish to stay friends, you don't wish to date, and you don't have a plan for the future. That's perfectly fine. Just go with it. We don't have to have the answers all the time.
                      Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Zephii said it right If you are enjoying what you had, that's totally fine. Being friends with your ex is absolutely possible, but it depends on so many factors and the people involved. You can't decide it once and for all, you need to do so on a case by case basis.
                        If you two enjoyed what you did now, then that's how it should be. But be honest and if anything doesn't sit well with you, call it quits.

                        ~
                        It'll take a lot more than words and guns
                        A whole lot more than riches and muscle
                        The hands of the many must join as one
                        And together we'll cross the river

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Miasmata View Post
                          Zephii said it right If you are enjoying what you had, that's totally fine. Being friends with your ex is absolutely possible, but it depends on so many factors and the people involved. You can't decide it once and for all, you need to do so on a case by case basis.
                          If you two enjoyed what you did now, then that's how it should be. But be honest and if anything doesn't sit well with you, call it quits.

                          It's refreshing to hear people say that you can stay friends with an ex and that it is ok. I can't imagine not being his friend or not knowing him any more. The guy has been in life life for 6 years.. and frustratingly he still knows me better than anyone.

                          So since we slept together, we have been messaging pretty much every day. From normal message, to flirty messages... to messages we should have been said to each other when he was away for 10 months....

                          There has been a planned visits that fell through, but he's has also been here and stay over. This weekend I'm quite disappointed with... Originally I invited him here for Saturday night as I both house mates were out leaving me with a house to myself. He also invited me to him for Friday night for the same thing - house to himself... but I've just started go to Track on Friday. On Friday he sent me a messaging asking if I'm sure I don't want to come round to his as he thinks he may have struggled for Saturday because his friend was having a thing at his house and it was a football night out...But I told by the time I've finished track and had food it would have been way past 9 and plus my house mate wanted to have some wine with me. He was fine with that and said he would try and make Saturday...

                          So yesterday came and went and I had a few messages from him in the morning. Then nothing until about 20 past 12 that was just a smiley face.. It did sound like he had a busy day so I knew he wasn't going to be able to make it, but he also said he would try.. I think it would have been nice out of politeness to send me a message saying he wasn't going to make it. ?

                          That's just me having a rant...

                          I'm starting think that maybe I might still have some feelings for him somewhere... but I'm not sure.. I know I've liked talking to him, and being around him. I

                          I went speed dating on Thursday and he knows I did. and he asked how it went. I know if he told me that he starting dating someone else I would be upset.. but I don't think I would tell him..

                          Do we need to talk about what we are doing or just carry on as we are?
                          ”I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”
                          The Vow

                          Comment

                            #14
                            It is ok to be friends with your ex, but it is starting to sound more like you want to date your ex again. You don't have to talk about it, but continue to find out for yourself why you are suddenly so close with your ex.
                            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                              It is ok to be friends with your ex, but it is starting to sound more like you want to date your ex again. You don't have to talk about it, but continue to find out for yourself why you are suddenly so close with your ex.
                              This is the thing.. I don't think I want to date him again.. I don't know if me and him could ever be again.. maybe the reasons/issues we split up are still there.. reasons/issues that I still don't understand. It hurt when we split up.. It hurt a lot and sometime when I think back it still hurts.. I couldn't put myself through that again..

                              What I know is that when I'm with him I feel so comfortable... I feel like I can actually relax around him.. You know that feeling when you're out all day on your feet and you finally get to sit down.. and get that Ahh moment? That's what it kind of feels like when I'm with him... and like I said he still know me more than anyone. Which is nice and frustrating at the same..

                              I don't know if I feel like that because there might be some feeling still hiding for him.. or if it's because he is familiar.. He was my 1st boyfriend and the 1st person who I ever loved. Although he has Girlfriends before me I was the 1st one he loved. We went out for nearly 3 years and have know each other 6 years.

                              A part of me doesn't want to figure out why I'm starting to feel close to him again. incase of what I found out.. If I come to realise that I have feels for him. I doubt they would be reciprocated. He's had a girlfriend since we split and it hasn't been that long since they split up.. I know he went to see her a couple of weeks ago in London.. but he didn't want to talk to me about so I don't know what the situation was.. He said they talked and it's still over.. I guess that is all I need to know and the rest doesn't have anything to do with me
                              ”I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.”
                              The Vow

                              Comment

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