A story of two troubled people just looking for love.
I met her on a group messaging app called "Palringo". I joined a room she was in called "Twisted's Asylum" the room was basically created to talk about random and strange things, nothing normal aloud. Brittaney was one of the admin in his room, she was nice to everyone, she did not put up with shit though, strong willed and lovable.
And like most of the people I met on the app, I became friends with Brittaney. It was nothing serious just friends at the time. I was always glad to see her though, because she seemed like such a bright person and a joy (this was in May 2014). Not long after meeting her she began to go through a hard time, she had a baby brother who was born with a sever illness. It was clear that this little child had little hope for life and was expected to die within hours of birth.
I remember Brittaney reaching out to me for help, she was tormented by her brother's condition. I did what I could to be there for her, I tried to comfort her. Her baby brother (Joshua) fought on for days, barley holding on to life. He passed away in June, not long before Brittaney's 17th birthday. It was a few weeks after he had died before I saw her again, she was a mess and it felt horrible to see her like that. I understood though considering everything that she had gone through.
We talked more and more, she would post silly pictures of herself sometimes, like the time she asked if I thought she looked like mermaid with the towel she had wrapped around her bathing suit. She made an attempt to be brave and strong in the face of so much pain. She told me that I was the nicest person on the app and that we were best friends.
Prior to joining Palringo, I had been going through a very hard time, no friends, a lot of guilt and thoughts of suicide/self harm. I was 19 years old, still living at home, and had never had a girlfriend in my life. I have had many crushes in my life but always been too much of a coward to make any moves or I would feel like my life was so terrible and it would just be a burden to others in a relationship. I did not feel worthy of love. It was beyond my comprehension when Brittaney started to give me attention. How did this poor, troubled girl, find it within her ability to like and befriend me?
One of Brittaney's many amazing qualities is that she is stunningly beautiful. I can say with full assurance that she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life. Far more beautiful than any actress or model. The best part is that her body is only just a glimpse and the beauty within her heart. She appeared as though an angel to me. I have to admit I developed a bit of a crush on her. I kept it to myself though because we were just internet friends after all.
We continued in our friendship, we decided that we really enjoyed each others friendship so we exchanged further contact information. One night I was talking with her and I came to the realization that I trusted her, it may not seam like much but I was at a point in my life where I trusted no one. I was secretly going through struggles and literally had no one to talk to about it. I mentioned this to her and she was a little shocked but she said that she trusted me and that I could share anything with her and that she would not judge me. Hesitantly I began to share my life's story... all of it. It was hard for me, a very emotional time. I came clean and honest, I left no detail out. All of the parts in my life that I hated myself for, I shared with her. I had no more secrets. I was fearful that by opening myself up to her I would just expose her to the darker parts of my life and she would hate me fore it. I did not want to loose her as a friend but I needed to be honest with her. I took a great risk and waited for the inevitable response from her. I braced myself for the worst possible outcome as I did not think she would take my story well, I have never been more shocked in my life then by her response.
She started slow, her voice shaky, I could tell she was crying. She thanked me for sharing with her, she said that I was very brave by doing so and she loved me for it. Loved? Yes, LOVED!!! I bawled like a baby, we cried with each other. She told me that she wanted to share her story with me and I listened as she poured her heart out to me. She shared all of the pains she had experienced, which were many and terrible. My heart broke hearing of her struggles and knowing she had lost her brother not too long before. “This poor girl” I thought, how could one endure so much pain?
It was a weird and free feeling knowing that our hearts were open to each other, no secrets at all. If I thought I had a crush on her before this happened then I definitely was feeling something a bit stronger now. I knew I loved her as a friend but I was scared to admit any more feelings. We would often tell each other that we loved one another as friends. We would talk on the phone late at night and started skypeing each other too. It was the beginning of August before I had the courage to admit that I had romantic feelings for her, but I did not know how to tell her. Kind of at a lost I decided that I would buy her flowers and send them to her to surprise her.
I wanted to buy her roses because they are her favorite kind, I did not want to be typical tough so I made a plan to send her a custom bouquet of flowers. I found her address online and called a local florist to have 11 yellow roses and 1 red rose sent to her door. The yellow representing our friendship and the red to represent my growing love for her. Attached was a note that read: “Everyday knowing you is a special occasion”. Everything was perfect, or so I thought. I wanted it to be a surprise so I did not tell her what I was doing. I hinted to her a few days before the occasion that I was going to do something for her. I told her to expect something on the particular day. She started to freak out a little and ask what it was, she said she did not like surprises. After much pleading I told her what I had done. And thank God I did. She was livid, she asked how I thought that was even remotely okay. And she was worried that the flowers would arrive at her home and she would be punished by her parents. I called the florist and apparently they had already gone to drop the flowers off but miraculously no one came to the door to received the flowers and the florist had no choice but to try again later. I was able to cancel the shipment of the flowers and Brittaney ended up picking the flowers up herself at the florist.
I was scared shitless, how had I managed to ruin this already? Brittaney had to work so I did not hear anything from her for hours, as you can imagine my mind was running wild as I waited for her to respond. She contacted me, her voice was calm. She told me what I had done was very sweet but I needed to talk to her first. I should have asked permission. I apologized and promised I would not do it again, I'd just leave her alone so I would not risk getting her in trouble. She told me that she did NOT want that, though what I had done was foolish, she forgave me.
It took a few days before we were back to normal again, I was happy to leave the terrible accident in the passed and though it was almost really bad, it drew us even closer together. We enjoyed a few weeks of happy friendship, things were going fine but something did not feel quite right. I became confused by my feelings for her. It was really hard on me knowing I loved her but being trapped in a friendship. I endured it for as long as I could bare. It got to the point where I was so frustrated and upset that I began to hurt myself. I felt hopeless, but I knew I could not live like that.
I approached her, I was scared, but it needed to be done. I told her exactly how I felt. I asked her if there was any hope for “us”. I Just couldn't do a halfhearted relationship. She told me that she could not have a relationship with me right then. She was still struggling with the loss of her brother and she was not stable enough to do anything with anyone.
My heart broke, I feared this would happen but I needed to know the truth. She asked if she could skype me and I said yes. We talked on skype for a while and we decided we wanted to still be friends. She asked me if I was upset and I said I was but that it was okay, I'd be fine. She fell asleep while we were on skype, I watched her for a while as she slept, that perfect face. That was one of the last times I talked to her for a very long time.
I cried everyday for a week afterwards. I still loved her deeply.
It was over two months before we started to talk again, slowly at first. A simple “Hello” or “How are you doing?” I missed her very much but I wanted to respect her boundaries. One day we ended up talking about how our friendship had ended so suddenly and the cause of it. I guess it was at this point that she started to understand the extent of my love for her. It crashed in on her, she did not realize the true nature of my feelings. I did not simply “ like” her, I was in love with her!
She apologized repetitively, she said that she felt terribly for hurting my feelings and that she was a fool for leaving me. She loved me. It was good to be back in communication with her and we started to mend our relationship. I was hesitant though, I knew exactly how I felt but how did she feel? I built up the courage and asked her. “Would you ever be willing to consider researching whither our lives are meant to be with each other?” “Yes... Yes I would”
There are many bumps we have to work out but we have started down the long road to a beautiful love story. With a hint of luck, a lot of patients, I will be able to add the next chapter to this story :')
I love you Brittaney!!!
I met her on a group messaging app called "Palringo". I joined a room she was in called "Twisted's Asylum" the room was basically created to talk about random and strange things, nothing normal aloud. Brittaney was one of the admin in his room, she was nice to everyone, she did not put up with shit though, strong willed and lovable.
And like most of the people I met on the app, I became friends with Brittaney. It was nothing serious just friends at the time. I was always glad to see her though, because she seemed like such a bright person and a joy (this was in May 2014). Not long after meeting her she began to go through a hard time, she had a baby brother who was born with a sever illness. It was clear that this little child had little hope for life and was expected to die within hours of birth.
I remember Brittaney reaching out to me for help, she was tormented by her brother's condition. I did what I could to be there for her, I tried to comfort her. Her baby brother (Joshua) fought on for days, barley holding on to life. He passed away in June, not long before Brittaney's 17th birthday. It was a few weeks after he had died before I saw her again, she was a mess and it felt horrible to see her like that. I understood though considering everything that she had gone through.
We talked more and more, she would post silly pictures of herself sometimes, like the time she asked if I thought she looked like mermaid with the towel she had wrapped around her bathing suit. She made an attempt to be brave and strong in the face of so much pain. She told me that I was the nicest person on the app and that we were best friends.
Prior to joining Palringo, I had been going through a very hard time, no friends, a lot of guilt and thoughts of suicide/self harm. I was 19 years old, still living at home, and had never had a girlfriend in my life. I have had many crushes in my life but always been too much of a coward to make any moves or I would feel like my life was so terrible and it would just be a burden to others in a relationship. I did not feel worthy of love. It was beyond my comprehension when Brittaney started to give me attention. How did this poor, troubled girl, find it within her ability to like and befriend me?
One of Brittaney's many amazing qualities is that she is stunningly beautiful. I can say with full assurance that she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life. Far more beautiful than any actress or model. The best part is that her body is only just a glimpse and the beauty within her heart. She appeared as though an angel to me. I have to admit I developed a bit of a crush on her. I kept it to myself though because we were just internet friends after all.
We continued in our friendship, we decided that we really enjoyed each others friendship so we exchanged further contact information. One night I was talking with her and I came to the realization that I trusted her, it may not seam like much but I was at a point in my life where I trusted no one. I was secretly going through struggles and literally had no one to talk to about it. I mentioned this to her and she was a little shocked but she said that she trusted me and that I could share anything with her and that she would not judge me. Hesitantly I began to share my life's story... all of it. It was hard for me, a very emotional time. I came clean and honest, I left no detail out. All of the parts in my life that I hated myself for, I shared with her. I had no more secrets. I was fearful that by opening myself up to her I would just expose her to the darker parts of my life and she would hate me fore it. I did not want to loose her as a friend but I needed to be honest with her. I took a great risk and waited for the inevitable response from her. I braced myself for the worst possible outcome as I did not think she would take my story well, I have never been more shocked in my life then by her response.
She started slow, her voice shaky, I could tell she was crying. She thanked me for sharing with her, she said that I was very brave by doing so and she loved me for it. Loved? Yes, LOVED!!! I bawled like a baby, we cried with each other. She told me that she wanted to share her story with me and I listened as she poured her heart out to me. She shared all of the pains she had experienced, which were many and terrible. My heart broke hearing of her struggles and knowing she had lost her brother not too long before. “This poor girl” I thought, how could one endure so much pain?
It was a weird and free feeling knowing that our hearts were open to each other, no secrets at all. If I thought I had a crush on her before this happened then I definitely was feeling something a bit stronger now. I knew I loved her as a friend but I was scared to admit any more feelings. We would often tell each other that we loved one another as friends. We would talk on the phone late at night and started skypeing each other too. It was the beginning of August before I had the courage to admit that I had romantic feelings for her, but I did not know how to tell her. Kind of at a lost I decided that I would buy her flowers and send them to her to surprise her.
I wanted to buy her roses because they are her favorite kind, I did not want to be typical tough so I made a plan to send her a custom bouquet of flowers. I found her address online and called a local florist to have 11 yellow roses and 1 red rose sent to her door. The yellow representing our friendship and the red to represent my growing love for her. Attached was a note that read: “Everyday knowing you is a special occasion”. Everything was perfect, or so I thought. I wanted it to be a surprise so I did not tell her what I was doing. I hinted to her a few days before the occasion that I was going to do something for her. I told her to expect something on the particular day. She started to freak out a little and ask what it was, she said she did not like surprises. After much pleading I told her what I had done. And thank God I did. She was livid, she asked how I thought that was even remotely okay. And she was worried that the flowers would arrive at her home and she would be punished by her parents. I called the florist and apparently they had already gone to drop the flowers off but miraculously no one came to the door to received the flowers and the florist had no choice but to try again later. I was able to cancel the shipment of the flowers and Brittaney ended up picking the flowers up herself at the florist.
I was scared shitless, how had I managed to ruin this already? Brittaney had to work so I did not hear anything from her for hours, as you can imagine my mind was running wild as I waited for her to respond. She contacted me, her voice was calm. She told me what I had done was very sweet but I needed to talk to her first. I should have asked permission. I apologized and promised I would not do it again, I'd just leave her alone so I would not risk getting her in trouble. She told me that she did NOT want that, though what I had done was foolish, she forgave me.
It took a few days before we were back to normal again, I was happy to leave the terrible accident in the passed and though it was almost really bad, it drew us even closer together. We enjoyed a few weeks of happy friendship, things were going fine but something did not feel quite right. I became confused by my feelings for her. It was really hard on me knowing I loved her but being trapped in a friendship. I endured it for as long as I could bare. It got to the point where I was so frustrated and upset that I began to hurt myself. I felt hopeless, but I knew I could not live like that.
I approached her, I was scared, but it needed to be done. I told her exactly how I felt. I asked her if there was any hope for “us”. I Just couldn't do a halfhearted relationship. She told me that she could not have a relationship with me right then. She was still struggling with the loss of her brother and she was not stable enough to do anything with anyone.
My heart broke, I feared this would happen but I needed to know the truth. She asked if she could skype me and I said yes. We talked on skype for a while and we decided we wanted to still be friends. She asked me if I was upset and I said I was but that it was okay, I'd be fine. She fell asleep while we were on skype, I watched her for a while as she slept, that perfect face. That was one of the last times I talked to her for a very long time.
I cried everyday for a week afterwards. I still loved her deeply.
It was over two months before we started to talk again, slowly at first. A simple “Hello” or “How are you doing?” I missed her very much but I wanted to respect her boundaries. One day we ended up talking about how our friendship had ended so suddenly and the cause of it. I guess it was at this point that she started to understand the extent of my love for her. It crashed in on her, she did not realize the true nature of my feelings. I did not simply “ like” her, I was in love with her!
She apologized repetitively, she said that she felt terribly for hurting my feelings and that she was a fool for leaving me. She loved me. It was good to be back in communication with her and we started to mend our relationship. I was hesitant though, I knew exactly how I felt but how did she feel? I built up the courage and asked her. “Would you ever be willing to consider researching whither our lives are meant to be with each other?” “Yes... Yes I would”
There are many bumps we have to work out but we have started down the long road to a beautiful love story. With a hint of luck, a lot of patients, I will be able to add the next chapter to this story :')
I love you Brittaney!!!
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