Almost not wanting to go.

[sunnyk5594]

Okay, so I will be seeing my SO in 10 days. I'm flying up to spend the week of Thanksgiving with him and his family. This will be the 3rd time we've been together. Here's my problem. I am beyond excited to see him, my thing is leaving him. I've gone through that twice and every time we leave eachother it literally kills me inside. It's almost to the point I dread it so much that I dont even want to go. Having to get on that plane and go back home is going to kill me. Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY thankful I get to do this and get to see him. It's just I dread leaving and dealing with the extreme post visit blues again.

[audie11]

Have y'all talked about either of you guys moving together

[Ahava]

I get where you are coming from. But isn't the "high" you get from seeing him worth the pain?
I don't know about you, but I can somehow deal with the pain, because having a history of depression, I have had so many bad days and pain that it was much much worse than the couple bad days I have to deal with after visits. The first day or two or three are the hardest and then you stop crying and just get from day to day feeling a little down. But after a week or so life seems worth living again
In contrary to depression at least with the post visit blues there is a reason why you are in pain. You miss them, but also know that it goes over and you will see them again.

Only thing is I can say to try and comfort you is DON'T ALLOW yourself to think about the departure untill the last day or night before. And at least you get a WHOLE WEEK with him. 90 % of our visits are weekends.

Have a wonderful time!

[R&R]

Only thing is I can say to try and comfort you is DON'T ALLOW yourself to think about the departure until the last day or night before. And at least you get a WHOLE WEEK with him.

^^^^^ This

The departure part is never easy. I just dropped my SO off at the airport yesterday morning after he had been here for a week. The night before is hard and then the good-bye's really suck. But now that my self-imposed allowable 24-hours of being miserable about it is up, I now start to focus on our next visit. I get myself back into the swing of things with family, friends, work, etc. I do not allow myself to be miserable that we are apart for days or weeks after a departure because this LDR is my choice, he is worth the distance and it won't be forever. (Plus, he hates seeing me sad and hates it even worse if he believes he is the cause.)

You are in control of your emotions and putting in your head that you know you are going to be miserable, you know this is going to kill you, you know the post-visit blues are going to be bad - well you're setting yourself up for all of that to happen because you tell yourself it's going to be that bad. Mentally prepare yourself. Put into your head that you will be okay, that you will be positive, that you will not let the feelings of sadness overtake you for any length of time. Focus on the enjoyment that the week will bring instead of the leaving at the end. Enjoy the time together - you both deserve it.

[differentcountries]

Departure is not easy. I agree with Avaha; with a week you have more leverage than just a weekend- and also it is not as unsettleing as having to leave after several weeks (I have done all of them). Most times I go for a week and I prefer that - it puts you through the rythms of the week (I try to catch the Monday market and the Tuesday market when I am there, for instance).

To have a next date (even an tenatative one) helps post-visit blues very much. It gives you an aim and something to look forward to, and you can even make use of the exact lenght to make countdown calenders, a pile of letters etc.

I also feel that the first three days are the worst. You have to fight the sadness, the jetlag/tiredness from travel, maybe go and start work again while still missing SO so much, but then by the end of the first week it is so much better.

I tend to be a bit forgetful on visits, I think I will go on staying with him forever, so I actually don't get sad before the day I will travel. He on the other hand might start to get sad a day or two before, but it is easier when the visit is not so short. I usually plan stuff that will happen within the first days of coming home; work, seeing friends, going to a lecture, things like that... It may sound like, well oh I will be miserable anyway, but I find that usually being around people takes the edge off a bit. Also, what I like to do is write him a card or something to send to him (especially if we have to be apart for more than 3 weeks, as a letter will take about 3 weeks to arrivve to him), it is a little fun thing that might cheer SO up and also it is something fun to do. I have also done books, scrapbooking projects etc. Right now I miss him so so much, but I focus on planning what kind of sightseeing stuff we can do together when I come for my next visits. Grief and feelings of loosing control are energies - if you can hold them to feel their force, but then direct their energy somewhere else, they can be very useful.