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    #1

    LD: disappearing suddenly/ anxious all the time

    Hi everybody,
    I'm currently in a ld relationship since 3 months with an amazing guy. We discuss everyday and we spend our time imagining our life together. He sees me in his future, he constantly says "I'm the one" and he wants to make his life with me. Obviously, we planned to meet soon, probably next summer. The only problem is that I'm really anxious and kind of possesive, but I don't express it, because I know it'd make him afraid. I told him once I was like that and he said that he was fine with it, but I don't want to make him feel trapped, I don't want to be oppresive, I know everybody needs his space. While I feel like giving him space I'm also worry because I didn't get news of him during the day. I know he's very busy, but it looks like he can't make place for a little message during the days to only inform me. I'm always supposing he might do that or this and it kind of annoy me not knowing his whereabouts and activities. Specially these days, because he didn't give me news since 5 days. Unluckly, we only one way to discuss (we try skype, but constantly bugs) and I can't reach him anywhere. He already did that once, but he explains me he had to reset his phone the next day. I try to be patient, but it's making me crazy, it's been way longer than the first time, I worry that something might happen to him or between us.

    thank you for all of your advices, I really don't know what to do..
    Last edited by soulofmusic; November 16, 2014, 04:30 PM.
    Tags: anxious, boyfriend, insecure, problem, stressfull
    #2
    It's very important that if you feel you have problematic behaviour, you recognize it and work against it. It takes time and effort, but it's absolutely doable. However, if you feel that your anxiety is too strong for you to handle alone, there is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help for it. You don't say which country you live in, but if you are a student in the US, you likely have therapy options on campus, and in a lot of Western European countries therapy is also included in your federal healthcare.

    As for your SO, have you brought up this problem with him? It's important that you don't get too anxious when he's busy for a day or two, but if he doesn't talk to you for 5 days and this has happened before, you need to discuss it. Communication in a relationship can only be defined and worked out between the people in the relationship, and compromise and honesty are vitally important.

    I hope you can talk to him soon and work something out. All the best to your and your wellbeing.

    ~
    It'll take a lot more than words and guns
    A whole lot more than riches and muscle
    The hands of the many must join as one
    And together we'll cross the river

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      #3
      Thank you Miasmata,
      I'm thinking about a serious discuss about it with him because I don't want to feel like that for all the time will be together. I know that he wants as much as me that our relationship works and I'm willing to put as much effort as needed. I've already seen a professional for my anxiety, but the only thing to do was to be busy and forget about the problems. I also tried some medications, but it doesn't help me at all. I know it's been even worse if I always keep it inside. That's why I once told my boyfriend about that, but as I said, I never express it. He replied that it was normal that I worry about him, because I really love him, but I so dont want to be the clingy girlfriend and make my boyfriend annoyed. I'm hoping our next discuss will help me about it (and be soon, 5 days is way too long!)

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        #4
        Medication for mental issues is sadly extremely tricky - Since everyone is different, different meds will work for different people. If you feel you get by now, that's great, but if you ever get overwhelmed by the anxiety again, don't be afraid to try a different therapist and/or a different medication. Finding the stuff that works for you is tiring, but absolutely worth it once you get there.

        As for your partner, I really do hope you can talk to him soon. Communication is absolutely crucial to an LDR and you both gotta be on the same page, or it's going to get very exhausting very fast. Wishing you the best!

        ~
        It'll take a lot more than words and guns
        A whole lot more than riches and muscle
        The hands of the many must join as one
        And together we'll cross the river

        Comment

          #5
          So, it's been more than a week now and I still don't have any news from my boyfriend
          .My messages are 'sent' but still not delivery to my partner. It happenend oce when he made a clean in his phone during a day. But it'been a week! I discovered that he has a facebook (he said he doesnt have one, but it doesnt look really 'actived' so I guess it's like he doesn't have one) I sent him a friend request and wait since this time. I discovered also some of his family members facebook, I think that maybe I could send them a message as a friend (they don't already now that my and my SO are together, 3 months isn't enough whe thought) and ask for my SO mail, or give them mine... i don't know what to do and the only idea I had is really clingy. I try to think that nothing bad had happen (his mom would have posted it haha) and he only have a problem with his phone.. but I don't know. I'm so scared.. The last time we talked, everything seems fine, he said I love you as always and we ended up the discuss positivly. No fight or something. I'm scared that he realized he doesn't need me and just forget me by deleting his app where we used to talk. I realy need help... thank you to all xx
          Last edited by soulofmusic; November 19, 2014, 09:29 PM.

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