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Advice needed please - I don't know if I can do this anymore..

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    #1

    Advice needed please - I don't know if I can do this anymore..

    Sometimes, *especially* lately, I've been feeling anxious thinking of our long distance relationship and how we won't be able to close the distance anytime soon. We've been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half now.. we already met a couple of times and it was wonderful. However.. due to my being in school and him having a job, it's pretty much guaranteed that we won't be able to close the distance before 4 years. Whenever I think about it, I know that I don't want to wait that long to really start our relationship. Not that I don't feel like it's a relationship yet, but there are so many challenges and experiences that arise just from being around that person every day, let alone living with them.. What if we meet, move in together, and it doesn't work out? I also don't want to be so far away from him for so long. I want him to be with me already. The more I think of our future, the more I see couples around me moving in together, getting engaged, attending social events together.. the harder it gets.

    Yet the mere thought of not having him in my life breaks my heart. I tear up, it's like this huge void in my day and heart. I don't know what to do. I've never been so attached to anyone, ever.

    Does anyone have any advice?
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    #2
    You have to change your frame of mind. If he is a great guy, you can do LD for him and for the sake of the relationship. Whenever I feel that LD is hard, I remind myself that even though we can't close the distance in years, I HAVE met this wonderful man who I truely adore.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      just because other people are settling down etc has exactly zero relevance to your own situation and circumstances and you should not compare your life with that of some-one else.

      Of course there are risks and concerns about any relationship, and in an LDR they are going to be there. the 'what if it doesn't work once I move' thing is a big one. But the flip side is "what if he/she is the best thing for me and I am going to walk away because I am scared of the future"

      Some people can't deal with the LDR aspect of the lack of physical contact, and if that is the case for you it is a shame if your partner is the love of your life....

      But if he is, and the distance is an issue, there are ways to close the distance, school transfers, work relocation, visas etc etc, it sometimes just needs a lot more effort than just remaining in the status quo position feeling glum about things...

      I find personally that focusing on the negative aspects will dwarf the positives if I let them, and so I must not dwell on them too much, or my fears and worries do come true, because my behaviour allows it - not just in LDR's but for a lot of things in life generally. Mental attitude has a habit of making things become self fulfilling prophecy both positively and negatively.

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        #4
        Not everyone can handle an LDR, and there is no shame in that. It's hard, and it definitely isn't for everyone. However, since you've been in this for 1 1/2 years now, it must have worked before - Has something changed with you or the relationship? Are you losing sight of the positives that kept you going before? Do you have other interests and hobbies to keep yourself occupied with, friends to see?

        ~
        It'll take a lot more than words and guns
        A whole lot more than riches and muscle
        The hands of the many must join as one
        And together we'll cross the river

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          #5
          hi there,

          LDR is not for the faint of heart, but if you find that person willing to make the sacrifice and journey towards being together someday then why not take the plunge.
          Me and my boyfriend went through a lot of rough patches , really to the point I had to step back and we had to both figure things out. It is still a work in progress, definitely it takes two of you to work on the relationship.

          Do the best you can for yourself, your partner and for the relationship. So that at the end of the day there are no regrets!

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            #6
            Originally posted by Miasmata View Post
            Not everyone can handle an LDR, and there is no shame in that. It's hard, and it definitely isn't for everyone. However, since you've been in this for 1 1/2 years now, it must have worked before - Has something changed with you or the relationship? Are you losing sight of the positives that kept you going before? Do you have other interests and hobbies to keep yourself occupied with, friends to see?
            The difference now is that I'm back in school, surrounded by people who have boyfriends close to them, who see them frequently, and have plans to move in together, get married in the near future. And I feel stuck. I feel like I have to wait so long to even begin to think about stuff like that. Meanwhile, the relationship doesn't feel like it progress much until we see each other. :\

            Comment

              #7
              Don't give up!

              If you have a guy you love and care about, why throw it all away? Some great advice I got from a friend of mine is "When you have someone special, hold on to them." (He learned this the hard way)

              Unless you don't care for him as much as you used to, them maybe consider moving on. Yeah, I know things are hard now.. but it's not always going to be this way. One day you will be able to be together.

              Another great form of advice I've been given is "You will always regret never trying" my whole mentality in my situation has been "Just keep going with it" (or at least that is what I try and think).

              All my friends have been giving me the motivation to not give up and were encouraging me to keep on going. Love can make amazing things happen, just gotta be patient.

              I know exactly how you feel. I want to rush in and really have her be my girlfriend, but you just have to be patient and give it time. Get your life in order first that way you both can share it together.

              Keep your chin up! All the best to you

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