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A tricky one!

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    #1

    A tricky one!

    Me and my SO have a lot of stuff on our plates. Like "crazy" families, divorces, kids, household and what not.
    This story is about his ex wife...
    To make the story short, they have a daughter together, so they need to keep contact and all that cuz her (and her half sister...!) That's all good, but the thing I don't like is that his ex, when she comes to pick up the girls or whatever, she grabs his mail from the mailbox and go thru it before she gives it to him... I don't know why, neither does he. And the tricky part here, is that I've ordered this Telegram from telegramstop on the net. and shipped it to him. Who the f***** knew she was gonna pick up his mail that day?! So he has never received it. The baddest part about this is that he can't ask her if she did, cuz then she will find out about me. And we don't want that yet, not until their divorce is done and over. Cuz she will prolly make his life a living hell, which is a bad thing before the divorce is final. If any of u have been thru a divorce, I guess u know what I mean.

    I am about to lose my freaking mind over her sometimes! And this story is just one of many I'm afraid...

    Sorry for the vent, but it feels a little better writing it down here. :-)
    - it cant rain all the time-
    Tags: None
    #2
    Sorry that you are going through that. I'm divorced (a couple of times LOL) and I know what it's like. Your SO needs to put his foot down with her and set boundries. Whether he is in a relationship or not, if he doesn't want her going through his mail, etc then he needs to make it clear to her that the behavior is not acceptable.

    If she did take the Telegram from his mail, well then she already knows about you and there is nothing to hide. Granted, it's none of her business if he is dating or not since they are no longer together but hiding it can make it appear like he's doing something wrong. How much longer until the divorce is final?
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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      #3
      She acts strange, still can't he make sure to collect the mail himself before she comes? Or get a p.o.box?
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        It really sounds like she still wants to be with him or have some form of control over him. Similar happened to an uncle of mine, and she started hiding bills so that his electricity would be shut off. I think you should really talk to him about setting boundaries, as stated above. Maybe even he drop the girls off if she won't stop.

        I also think him picking up the mail before she gets there is a simple fix for that one issue

        Comment

          #5
          I would say that you should stay on the downlow until the divorce is final and not send more telegrams or similiar things that his ex-wife can easily find. But by the same token, he also definitely needs to tell her that reading his mail is unacceptable, regardless of what's in it. The only one who can assert that is him.

          ~
          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
          The hands of the many must join as one
          And together we'll cross the river

          Comment

            #6
            Yea, i know she wants him back, he told me that. But he wont go back to her. She knows that, but she still tries to get him back, even tho her methodes is kinda weird.
            And i will talk to him about this cuz its not okey that she does this.
            And i really wanna send him my care package i made for him, With his Christmas present in it. :-/
            Ugh, im just so pissed and confused at the same time....
            - it cant rain all the time-

            Comment

              #7
              Have him get a P.O. Box or, you should be able to arrange that he has to pick up the package from his local post-office. Actually, he should call his local post office about that one. And as a few others said, if he's able to pick up his mail before his ex comes, he should just to prevent her seeing his personal mail.
              When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far,
              no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.

              Comment

                #8
                He told me yesterday that the reason she checks his mail is if there are something for her. They dont live together now, but they did, and sometimes there is mail to her With her old adress.
                My SO is a bit forgetfull at times, and he has ADD. so there r those days that he dont remember to pick up the mail when he gets home.
                - it cant rain all the time-

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                  #9
                  So she can go to the post office and do a change of address with them. They will forward her mail to her new address for a period of time, which would allow her the time she would need to change her address with anyone she hasn't already. The only random things that would show up then may be some sales fliers, etc.
                  If mail comes for her, he can set it aside. If he doesn't remember to get the mail, put a reminder on his phone to pop up every day so he doesn't forget. These are very easy fixes.
                  To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                  ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by R&R View Post
                    So she can go to the post office and do a change of address with them. They will forward her mail to her new address for a period of time, which would allow her the time she would need to change her address with anyone she hasn't already. The only random things that would show up then may be some sales fliers, etc.
                    If mail comes for her, he can set it aside. If he doesn't remember to get the mail, put a reminder on his phone to pop up every day so he doesn't forget. These are very easy fixes.
                    Actually, HE could even do that if he knows her new address. My SO's cousin did it for him because he's so forgetful. Also, since I see he lives in the US, it's a FEDERAL OFFENSE for her to open his mail if it is not addressed to her as well. Meaning, she could go to jail, if reported. Not very smart.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by whatruckus View Post
                      Actually, HE could even do that if he knows her new address. My SO's cousin did it for him because he's so forgetful. Also, since I see he lives in the US, it's a FEDERAL OFFENSE for her to open his mail if it is not addressed to her as well. Meaning, she could go to jail, if reported. Not very smart.
                      When my ex moved out and didn't bother to change his address, I started crossing out my address and putting "Return to sender. No longer at this address" It took a few times, but it worked. I don't know if they stopped sending stuff or he changed his address.

                      To the OP, the whole point of these is there are things your SO can do about it to stop her from going through the mail. His making excuses for her or saying it's his fault due to ADHD are exactly that, excuses. You can see how quickly a few of us were able to come up with solutions. He just needs to want it.
                      To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                      ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by R&R View Post
                        When my ex moved out and didn't bother to change his address, I started crossing out my address and putting "Return to sender. No longer at this address" It took a few times, but it worked. I don't know if they stopped sending stuff or he changed his address.

                        To the OP, the whole point of these is there are things your SO can do about it to stop her from going through the mail. His making excuses for her or saying it's his fault due to ADHD are exactly that, excuses. You can see how quickly a few of us were able to come up with solutions. He just needs to want it.
                        Lol I would've done the same thing.

                        And, I agree to your second part. There are plenty of solutions to this problem.

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