Feeling hopeless

[Tanja]

I hate it how I have this thought in my head sometimes. A thought that this LD thing is just not going to work out. He's so far away, he doesn't speak my language, he doesn't have any friends here. We are the exact opposites of each other - I've done hard physical work all my life whereas he hasn't worked at all, just studied. He doesn't enjoy some things I enjoy and I don't like football which he lives for. Sometimes it feels like we've got nothing in common. Yet I love him more than anything. Why?

I wish everything wasn't so darn insecure. I have so much to stress about everyday - there's no guarantee if I'm still gonna have a job in 6 months (I was laid-off for 9 months last year and it nearly finished me emotionally/financially), I need to take care of EVERYTHING EVERYDAY and it's so very tiring. My daughter and her school work, all of my animals, all the bills, all the housework & chores, I do them. Alone. Plus I work 8 hours everyday in a metal factory.

That's when it sneaks into my brain: how easy it would be if there was just someone for me close-by, someone who could hug me. I once said to Andy I so desperately need a hug I might just grab and hug some complete stranger in the super market lol.

Guess you all know how this goes.
Cleaning day tomorrow and some chocolate afterwards.

[squiddie]

I know that feeling, I really do.

There were a lot of days this past spring when I felt like I wanted to just throw in the towel and have someone nearby. I had a serious rough patch in my life, and I'm starting to go through another one now.

I think the best indicator that you'll be okay is when you know, even when you're feeling down and think it will never work, is when you can tell yourself in your head that you both can make it work, that you can get through this.

[Allie.CanCali]

I have that feeling sometimes too...but opposites attract.

It's hard not to think of the negatives...but you just have to try your hardest to start thinking about the positives and how you can make everything work. Nothing is impossible, and I'm sure you'll do anything (and so will he) in order to make everything work out.

Stay strong =) I know you can.

[folclor]

; ^ ; I know how you feel. well, on some of it. sometimes it feels impossible for me, too, but you've come this far and that counts for something! Think of all you've been through together. Yes, you may not have way too much in common but that gives you two more to share and talk about, explain and explore. ^^ Learning a new language is going to be hard for him, but you can encourage him and help him learn. As for friends, he'll make those in time, don't worry too much. *offers hugs* take a breather, have a cookie, and think about good things. ^^ they'll be back in no time.

[Silviar]

I can completely sympathize. And if I may, you do sound very stressed and stretched thin. Is there any way to reduce all of your work (less animals, maybe?). I feel you on stressed, and I hope there's some way you can focus on all thet good you've got, because that bad stuff can really drag you down far more than it's worth.

[vixx360]

It sounds like you're having a hard time right now and I really understand that 'I just need a hug' feeling and that's probably why you're starting to question all of your differences and yet having differences is often what keeps things interesting, how boring would it be if we had no new experiences to share or talk about or even worse if you both agreed on everything all of the time, half the fun of a relationship is debating the merits of the things you enjoy.

I'm also guessing that if you were feeling fresh, happy and secure right now you woud be able to easially list all of the things that make your relationship worth it. I don't know you and so I'm making alot of asumptions here but I think we all go through something simular when we're feeling low.

Fortunatly when I've had a really hard week or two I'll go and find my niece and nephew (2 & 5) and get a massive hug from them with plenty of kisses and laughter, sorts me out a treat.

Both me and my SO suffer with depression, he also has a whole host of other psychosis, this means that I go through periods where I don't talk to him for weeks at a time because his brain has had a bit of meltdown and I know that at that point I start run out of strength to support the both of us, especially when work is getting tough, (unlike you I also don't have to support a child through those times) and I also get to that point of is it really worth it but once we get settled down again I wonder what the hell I was thinking because I would be deverstated if this fell apart and I remember all of the reasons that this is the best relationship I've ever had, however hard it gets.

This doesn't mean I don't end up back there again but I just keep reminding myself that these feelings will pass, I have had to stop with consoling myself with chocolate and am now on a mission to reduce the size of my bottom; which is directly proportional to the number of days I've cried over the lonelyness.....

....but hey, today's a good day, they really do come back round x

[LadyMarchHare]

I think we all can sympathize. I know sometimes I wonder how it's going to work when my SO enjoys drinking and going to clubs and the like and I'm more inclined to sit at home and play checkers or listen to music. The distance with stress is very hard as well because we all need physical comfort from time to time and they can't be there to give it to us right then. We have to wait until a planned date and chances are we won't be feeling bad then. But I think it gives us strength in a way, like if we can survive without these things for x amount of months or years then we're stronger than most people could ever be and then eventually we will get the reward of hugs whenever, kisses whenever, etc.

[paulawriteslove]

Just think about it this way: everything will work out! All of your hard work will make you have a good future Think of the positives, you have a great boyfriend (who you love), a daughter, animals, and a roof over your head! And every day you're not with Andy is one day closer till you can see him again

[Èternity]

I can sympathise. Sometimes it all builds up and you just want a hug. I give my kids extra hugs at those times but it's not the same. How long is it til he visits? Can you focus on that? Do you have any clothes or something from his visits you can hug?

[Karringtyn]

Darlin I UNDERSTAND. I get so down on it all...and wonder why oh why....why does it have to be like this NOW??!!

You definitely sound stressed..and I know that all too well...

Are you able to take some meee time? I know as a parent we seldom get that...but I think you should try to schedule some.

Dont focus so far out into the future...look at the here and now....the future will settle itself...promise.

[Tanja]

Thank you all so much for your kind words - you nearly made me cry lol ♥

I could never give up any of my animals, they're a part of my family and I've worked really hard to get everything I've always wanted: a house, children, horses and dogs and now I've got them all. I've also found my soulmate but I guess I never thought that I'd be this much in love yet alone.

[Moon]

Awwww, Tanja It'll be OK. I know how hard it is to be responsible for everything by yourself, and not being able to see the end of it. When life was like that for me, it seemed pretty hopeless, but I stopped thinking about it and just took it one day at a time, and after a while life got easier, my kid got older, my job got better, etc. It's especially hard when you have someone, but they can't be there to help and that's discouraging, but everyday you don't see him is a day closer 'til you do!

[Tanja]

Thank you Moon

I feel so much better after I've read all these encouraging words and it's very comforting to know that so many people on here know how I feel. Unlike my friends or family...
I'm lucky to be a member of this community! A big hug to everyone ♥

[Zephii]

*Hugs* You're not alone. Sometimes when life gets overwhealming it's hard to remember that, but you're not.

He wont always be that far away. He will learn your language, and he'll make friends. Then he'll invite those friends over to watch the football and he'll drink all your beer.
Obi's like that too, never done any physical hard work, and being the opposite I know how frusterating that is for you, but you can teach him the value of it while he teaches you about the things he learnt during his studies. You can grow together, and as you do you'll find more things you have incommon. Sometimes you'll both compromise and do something you don't think you'll enjoy, just to please the other, and find that it's more fun than you imagined. There is always hope. Remember that everything, whilst not easy, is possible. Remember the reasons you are working so hard every day and that this is temporary. You can do this It will work out.

[leonina]

I so desperately need a hug I might just grab and hug some complete stranger in the super market lol.

Wow girl I know how you feel, there are so many times when I've felt like this. At my college there were nice people in the streets that would have a "Free Hug" sign and sometimes I really just wanted to go up and do hug them anyways even if it would be weird.

Even though you might seem like you're from two different worlds at least you have found each other. Try to create interests that you both like. Look at his goals and see if any of yours match. Like I want to rock climb and my boyfriend wants to do that too, so we will plan a trip doing that together.

You'll be okay!

<3