Harder after visit?

[Puramu]

So I met my SO for the first time last month. It was an amazing time, it confirmed my ultimate love for him. But now that I know what it's like to be together, it feels like the distance is really starting to kill me. No I'm not going to give up on this relationship and break up, nothing like that. Before the visit I was pretty much accepting of the distance, even though I started to go crazy after a year of not meeting. But now I'm like "My god, we are so far from each other." I don't know how to explain really.

I did go thru the post-visit depression for 4 days after he left, but it wasn't too terrible. Once he got back home and back online things seemed like normal and I felt content. But then it dawned on me that we aren't going to be able to visit each other for another year probably. And then talking to him seemed saddening cause I would rather be next to him and talking. I know this feeling is 'normal' after a visit, but I'm not dealing 100% well with it. A bad thing is I don't want to admit to him what I'm really going thru, cause he'll think I'm a "wimp" (this is NOT true, it's just my self-esteem issues) I don't know, I'm just really ranting. Have you guys been effected after a visit? What can I do to make it easier?

[Allie.CanCali]

I haven't met my SO yet, but I know that I'm probably going to go through something similar once we do meet. In a way, I'm trying to prepare myself for it. So, I've planned a bunch of things after I meet him to try and take my mind off of things. Maybe you could find something to keep you busy?

[Puramu]

Well I started school up, and this past week has been pretty busy for me. So it doesn't really work too well cause I get those feelings everytime I talk to him. So...yeah. Like for example today I've been too busy to talk until like 5 and I'm going to have to go to bed at like 10 tonight, but I still have the want of wanting to be next to him. I don't know.

[Talent_2]

I know exactly what your're going through i met my SO after 6 months of talking and it was normal to not see him after the first visit it really just hit home just how much i loved him and how hard it was to be away from him.

im quite lucky in the fact that the longest weve been apart is 2 months and it nearly killed me! ive met him 9 times in total and i wish i could say it gets easier but for me personally it really hasnt if anything it gets harder!

I know without a doubt i want to be with him and it really does drive me mad being away from him. I tend to do long hours at work the day or so after he leaves to keep busy and try to stay busy but the second im alone i break down, the nights are the hardest wen i have too much time to think. But for every sad moment i have many wonderful memories to think of. i have videos on my phone of him being silly n wen im down i watch them n although they may make me cry sometimes theyre happy tears as i remember exactly how i felt at the time of taking them.

I think the only advice i can give is to try keep busy and keep momentos of him near you to help make him feel closer to you, also never be afraid to tell him how youre feeling as he is gonna be feeling exactly the same, men may not show it as easily as women but they do still feel it. Communication is key to surviving (well thats what ive found)

Good luck and stay strong, have faith

[paulawriteslove]

I know exactly how you're feeling. I know you're hiding how you're feeling from your SO, but I think you should tell him how you're feeling. Trust me, after telling him it makes you feel better being able to talk about how much you miss each other can bring you two closer together. Don't think about this time as a bad time, but as a good one. Because each time you see each other it gets better and better!

[Caitlin2009]

i know how you feel, few weeks after her visit i still feel very empty without her here, theres a big void that cant be filled unless i see her again which will be in November, tell him how you feel chances are he's feeling the same way

[Talent_2]

i know how you feel, few weeks after her visit i still feel very empty without her here, theres a big void that cant be filled unless i see her again which will be in November, tell him how you feel chances are he's feeling the same way

I hate the empty feeling! i feel like a zombie so often once i return from a visit it never really goes away, as you said until you see your SO again.

Communicating with your SO is definitely the way to go. He'll appreciate the honesty

[Silviar]

Oh yeah, definitely had that. Post-visit realization blues. I make sure to focus on all of hte good, and honestly, I keep myself busy until the worst has passed. And lots of snuggly/cute times with my SO.

[Čternity]

I'm curious. Do people find it tougher afterwards, if you visit them or if they visit you?

[folclor]

aww ^^; *offers hugs* I can't say I know the 'post visit depression' thing. ^^; The morning when I had to leave I was crying nonstop and I cried on both of the planes home but when I got back into DFW I was fine. And then I didn't get sad again until like...last week? ^^;; or the week before...>.> so, basically, two months after I got back is when it hit for me ^^;

[NaNi]

The distance definitely does get harder after you have met your SO in person. It was hard before that too, but after seeing how perfect we were for each other and experiencing all those things CD couples can enjoy all the time... it was definitely oh so much harder.

[NaNi]

I'm curious. Do people find it tougher afterwards, if you visit them or if they visit you?

Both. Although you have the distraction of getting back home if you're the one leaving.

[Karringtyn]

The emptiness kills me. For about a week after I am in a major slump. I just try to really keep myself busy...

[milaya]

Maybe I don't count, since him and I met in person. (meaning we haven't first talked and then later on met) but...
I also need time to once again process the fact that he is... once again gone. When he was in Denmark in May, I think I was in a Zombie/depression-like state for about a week, then I started to return to my normal life, but I think that was because I would already see him in July. Then when he left in the beginning of August... I needed longer recovery time. Think it took me 3-4 weeks, because he would be gone for 16 weeks. (I know it's not much for some here... I'm just used to 5-6 weeks)

Think what got me out of the depression state this time around is that I started university this week. It's introduction week, so I had to get up around 7 o'clock and didn't get home before 11-12 o'clock in the evening. Even though I've been tired, busy, had muscle aches and stress. It's been the best week I've had in a long time. Because I haven't thought about him... except when he called me, but that wasn't a sad feeling.
I must admit though, I fear the weekend. Suddenly having nothing to do... will probably make me think about him.

So yes, best advice, keep yourself as busy as possible.

[Moon]

It is hard after a visit Readjusting for me is difficult for the first couple of weeks, I think it's a combination of not having him with me and knowing it'll be quite a while until I do. That and all the anticipation I had leading up to the visit is gone, and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I don't know how to make it easier, I haven't figured that out yet, but I think it's just time really, it takes time to get back to normal.