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    #1

    Could use some help to understand my feelings?

    Hi there,

    Sorry ahead of time if this will be a long post.

    Pretty much, I haven't had much experience with relationships since I never really was bothered to have one.

    Long story short, I made a penpal in April. We don't talk everyday, but we both developed feelings for each other. I asked her if she sees us ever being more than friends and she said "I'd give us a shot but you can always find someone in college " She also told me she has a hard time trusting people since she was in love before and he cheated on her for months with her best friend. So I am not sure if it's a good idea to pursue something serious, at least yet.

    How I feel is I would give us a shot, but it's just a weird feeling and i would never expect to have been in a situation like this. Especially for someone I never met. I am not in love or anything but I just find myself thinking about her/caring about her and it's hard sometimes. :/.

    How I look at the situation is it could work, but it will just be really hard. And take a few years.. what sucks is I am starting school now (age 23) and she is 21 and going to do her masters courses. So she's got 2.5 years and I'll have 4. She also seems more independent than I am. She said she would settle US/Canada or maybe UK (she's in Poland and I'm from US). I know a LDR isn't my ideal relationship, and it's a lot of work..

    My original plan from the very start was to just get to know each other better and meet in person and go from there. There is a good chance I will go as a family trip to Poland spring. But you know how things go, usually your mind plays tricks on you and you over think things. I didn't want to make any promises either in case we don't click when we meet, and i am not sure if it's a family trip how much time I'd spend with her. Should I just keep myself busy and keep going with it? This time of year for me is slower so I have more free time and been thinking too much.

    thanks
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    #2
    You really need to talk to her more and see if she wants to seriously pursue something more serious. I know I had a trust problem after being hurt/cheated on and left before I met my current SO and it took me some time to open up and really start a relationship with him. I don't think anyone really expects to be in a LDR situation until it happens. I don't think many people plan to fall in love with someone only to end up in a LDR. It's okay to not be in love with her right now, it takes time to fall in love, for some people it's weeks, for some it's months and for some it's years. But if you really truly care about her, then I'd say give it a shot if you're both willing to put in the effort and work hard for the relationship. All relationships are hard, LDRs are just a little more difficult, so yes it will take a lot of work, but they can also be the best relationship you'll ever have. They teach you much more than the "normal" relationship can teach you.

    So you really need to talk to her about everything and see where you both are emotionally, are you ready for a relationship like this and are you both ready and willing to put work/effort into it. I hope everything works out and I wish you two the best!

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      #3
      I do think there is no harm in giving it a shot, just, I am not sure when is a good time to bring it up again.

      It really was last week when I asked if she sees us as ever being more. So id hate to be annoying about it.

      Gosh this whole situation sucks

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        #4
        Like I said before, you really need to back off and let her breathe. She knows about your feelings now, and she said she's not sure. Give her time, the ball's in her court now. Take things easy and don't push.

        ~
        It'll take a lot more than words and guns
        A whole lot more than riches and muscle
        The hands of the many must join as one
        And together we'll cross the river

        Comment

          #5
          That is true. I am feeling better today about it.

          She has a lot of other things on her mind for school/work decisions. Pretty much she is finishing her bachelors in june and is trying to figure out her plans after that. I'd hate to complicate things more.

          I'd still like to get to know her better. Just i am getting an impression I shouldn't really bother anymore and forget about my feelings. :/

          That, Or stick with my original plan and see how things go if we meet. Keep to myself if I get these feelings that way I don't say/do something rash.
          Last edited by 0897klpq; November 28, 2014, 02:25 PM.

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            #6
            Don't plan how to close the distance before you have even decided if you should be together... If you do end up in an LDR, it IS your ideal relationship - because the person you love is the relationship. The rest is just noise and circumstances. I used to say I would never be in an LDR, but of couse I had never met people who had motivated me to be in one. My guy is magical and I seriously could not live without him. If I had to do LDR to the moon, I would do it because there is noone like him. Life is like this; you never know what will happen. It is good to plan a little bit ahead, if you keep in mind that plans may have to change. If you feel soothed by planning, try to make more general plans; how to take care of yourself in your situation now - studies, work, eat, work-out, staying in touch. Everything that will benifit you, will also beinifit the relationship and any common future you might have. If you want to take the chance at meeting her, make sure it is with no preassure and that you also have other things to fill your time with while you are there. Don't just make a plan, make plan B, plan C and so on. That way, you can plan while still beeing flexible.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              I completely agree!! I dont think any of us start out saying "Oh, I think I will fall in love with someone I cant see all the time!" (Teehee) I say, take things slow, get to know her better, get a feeling of what you really want. Because the above is correct.. It is the love that makes it all so worth it, if you can deal with it.. Take your time, try to find other things to occupy your mind ( I have a hard time this time of year as well,) and just see where it goes!! A strong friendship is the best start!!

              Comment

                #8
                I appreciate your guys help and sorry for my venting. I know I need to take things slowly. Normally in real life I wouldn't rush as I am now.

                I'll just give her space since I need space myself. If it's meant to be it a meant to be. At least she knows my feelings, and i think I know hers (sometimes she seems confusing) but in time it will all work itself out.

                Comment

                  #9
                  We turn the most illogical with matters of the heart.. Sometimes, it is the most "out of control " we feel.. You will be fine!! Just relax.. If its meant to be. it will be, irregardless of distance and or time...

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by AnnMarie Green View Post
                    We turn the most illogical with matters of the heart.. Sometimes, it is the most "out of control " we feel.. You will be fine!! Just relax.. If its meant to be. it will be, irregardless of distance and or time...
                    I know! That was my life philosophy that whatever is meant to be is meant to be, just, I can't help but think I need to do something.

                    But instead I will try and relax and enjoy myself. Been feeling good for the most part and I don't want to over annoy her either.

                    Thanks

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